Zelda Mini Madness!
by Quintaso
Summary: It's not drop dead comedy, but hopefully it'll make you chuckle.
1. They Got No Jobs!

The first mini for Zelda! Woot! If you have any ideas for another mini, it can be ANYTHING, just put it in your review.

* * *

"You know what really sucks?" Link said.

Midna, Ganondorf, Zelda, and Link all sat at a round table in the middle of Telma's bard playing five card poker.

"If you're gonna bring up my drinking habits again, you're gonna stay a wolf forever," Midna snarled.

Link threw in two red chips. "No, but still..."

"TELMA! Another round over here," Midna called, throwing in two red chips then adding another two.

Zelda sighed and folded. "I'm awful at this."

"Anyways, it sucks because we have no jobs since our game is over. I mean, what're we supposed to do?!" Link exlcaimed.

"Atleast you got a cameo in Soul Calibur 2 for the Gamecube," Ganondorf pointed out.

"I'm pretty sure that was Ocarina of Time Link," Zelda corrected him.

"I think they should make a second Twilight Princess!" Link said.

Telma brought over refills of their drinks. "Ganondorf, a scotch on the rocks for you."

"Come to papa!" he mumbled, taking his drink.

"Link, a chocolate Ordon goat milk," she said, handing him his.

Link quickly drank down a gulp.

"Zelda, here's your royal vodka."

The Princess grabbed her drink and took a sip.

"Midna, here's your beer mixed in with abit of ale, vodka, root beer, and a lime," Telma said.

Midna quickly grabbed it and gulped it down. "I wonder how it would taste if you would add light beer."

"Do the Twili even know their ruler is a drunk?" Ganondorf asked.

"They don't care, they just stand around the moan all the time. It makes the Twilight Realm really depressing," she replied.

Ganondorf threw in four red chips. "Anymore raises?"

Both Link and the Twilight Princess shook their heads.

Ganondorf laid down his hand, he had a pair of three jacks.

Link put down his hand also, he had a pair of three kings.

Midna slammed down her hand and shouted, "Fulhouse!" She scooped up all the chips gleefully.

Link and Ganondorf sighed.

"Can't we play hearts instead?" Zelda asked.

"NO! I'm trading these in for tons of rupees! I can finally buy that axe I've always wanted. Next time someone tries to turn me into an imp I'm gonna beat them with the axe and their own spine," Midna declared.

"You know what I think? I think I should be able to talk in the games! Then I'll be able to make up punchlines and witty comments whenever I defeat an enemy!" Link said.

Midna shook her head. "I don't think so. I couldn't stand if everytime you beat a keese you would say "take that!" I can stand the battle cries and stuff, but they made you a mute for a reason!"

"I really need a job. I'm getting tired of showing up in fan fics and always being in love with Link or getting kidnapped. I'd really like to date Marth from Super Smash Bros Melee, but OoT Zelda is really hogging him. I'm thinking about Roy but he seems too young," Zelda said.

"Link, you said something about a Twilight Princess 2? What would it be about?" Ganondorf asked.

"I dunno. Maybe you could return and try to take over the world again?" Link suggested.

"No! Not again. That plot has been used so many times it's not even funny," Zelda declared. "I think I should be a playable character."

"And what would your moves be? The player would press the 'B' button and you'd fix your make-up?" Midna said, giggling.

"Atleast I don't get turned into an imp!" Zelda shot back.

"Atleast my ancestor didn't dress up as a guy!" Midna pointed out, smiling.

"Catfight," Ganondorf murmured making Link grin.

"Yeah… Well, atleast my character is in almost all the games!" Zelda snapped.

"Atleast I'm a playable character!" Midna exclaimed.

"Ouch," Link mumbled.

"Burned!!" Telma shouted.


	2. Dating Time!

OK, the second Mini for Zelda! And the crowd goes wild!! (Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaayz!) Anyways, in your review (if you make one) I wanna hear which clip was your favorite!

* * *

"Today we are setting up Link with almost all the girls from the Zelda games on a date at Telma's bar. Lets see the clips!" a game showhost said.

Clip #1 Link + Saria (equals) ?

Saria shifted in her seat. "Link, wouldn't you think, since I look so young, people would take one look at us and call you a child molestor?"

"Er..." Link trailed off.

Link + Saria (equals) Jail Time.

Clip #2 Link + Malon (equals) ?

Malon sighed. "Father, would you go away?!"

Link stared at Taon who was holding a pitchfork and standing behind Malon.

"You ain't old enough to be datin'!" he growled.

Link + Malon (equals) A Hospital Visit.

Clip #3 Link + Zelda/Shiek (equals) ?

"Did you have to come dressed as Shiek?" Link asked.

"I heard a rumor that someone is making another Zelda game where I get kidnapped again! I'm not taking any chances!" he/she replied.

Link + Zelda (equals) A Visit To the Zelda Game Designer.

Clip #4 Link + Hena (equals) ?

"Don't you just love fish?" Hena asked, as Telma served them two plates filled with fried fish. "It's all I ever eat!"

Link stared at his food with his mouth open. "I think that fish is still alive."

"Ooh, fish is all I eat! I mean, it is brain food, plus I get it for free! Don't you just love it? I mean, who needs other meats, fruits, and vegtables when you can eat brain food?!" Hena said, digging into her food.

Link + Hena (equals) Becoming A Vegatarian.

Clip #5 Link + Ruto (equals) ?

"Link! I'm so happy we're getting together!! I already planned our wedding, I reserved room in Lord Jabu-Jabu since that's where we Zoras' always get married, I want seven children, I bought your wedding ring after I gave you the Zora's Saphire. What do you think?" she asked talking extremely fast.

"Uhhh..."

Link + Ruto (equals) Registering In The Witness Protection Agency.

Clip #6 Link + Telma (equals) ?

"Link, I hope you like your food... I'm not totally sure why I agreed to do this. I don't even like you!" Telma said. "Link, are you even listening to me?"

"Uh-huh," he mumbled, staring at her chest.

Link + Telma (equals) A Slap Across The Face.

Link + Ilia (equals) ?

"Link, why did you leave me?! Why did you let those monsters abduct me?!" Ilia asked angrily. "Why didn't you come to rescue me?! Why can't I be the Queen of Hyrule?! Why doesn't Epona like me?! Why am I obsessed with country music?!"

Link's eyes twitched.

Link + Ilia (equals) Joining Therapy.


	3. Yes, I Am Evil

Me third mini, arr! Ahem I mean, yes, it is the third mini. What should the fourth be? Comercials? A whole bunch of urls of songs from youtube? Vote now! Or just make a suggestion...

* * *

Link snickered as Quin, aka Quintaso, stared at her laptop screen with wide eyes. He hummed the "Battle" music from the OoT soundtrack.

"Link, if you don't stop it, you'll be in a tutu in the next mini," Quin warned.

"Suuure, it's just that, how many Zelda fics have you started then deleted?" Link asked, grinning.

"Shut it, or I'll put you in the cucco infested room," she warned him again.

Link shrugged. "Fine, whatever."

"AAAAARGH!!" they heard someone yell angrily.

"What did you do?!" Link asked.

"I'm writing that Midna got turned back into an imp," she replied, smiling evily.

"You're in big trouble," he pointed out.

Midna, of course in her imp form, burst into the plain white room with her eyes more redder then usual. "You! Why did you do this?!" she asked, pointing at Quin.

"It was either that or turning up dead," Quin replied, typing some more.

"Please don't tell me you're gonna set me up with some stupid made up female that has an attitude," Link said.

"Er, no."

"You are?!"

Midna giggled and backflipped in the air.

"Well, I was thinking about it, but maybe I should give you to Ruto," she murmured, pressing the backspace button a few times.

"NO! Please, don't!" Link begged.

"Oh please, like I'd do that. You guys always believe my bluffs. Now go away so I can figure out how I'm goina to kill off Zelda," Quin said, propelling them out of the room with her hands.

"You're going to kill Zelda?!" both the hero and the Twilight Princess asked, baffled.

Quin shut the door and smiled to herself. "Pffft, they'll believe anything the author says. Remember that people! It's fun to torture Zelda characters and then they'll go on strike against you, then when you tell them it was a joke they somehow blame Link!"


	4. I Want It!

No, really, I have been waiting for the adaptor to come for ages! And I could make these minis forever!!

* * *

"WHY WON'T IT COME?!" Quin cried, running through the living room and into her bedroom.

Midna and Ganondorf were both sitting on the couch playing Super Smash Brothers Melee.

Link hurried into the house through the sliding glass door. "What's wrong?!" the TP hero asked.

"Do those hero instincts always kick in whenever someone cries or is in trouble?" Midna asked, pounding the buttons of her gamecube controller.

"Pretty much, I always get a tingle and something always takes control over me and tells me where to go and when. But I repeat my question, what's wrong!?" he asked.

"Quin is having a fit 'cause the adaptor for the gamecube hasn't come yet," Ganondorf said, KOing Midna's character.

"An adaptor?" Link asked, confused.

"It plays gameboy and GBA games on the gamecube. Pretty sweet deal if you ask me," Midna said. "I'm totally playing ye old pokemon games on it when it gets here."

"Ooh," he murmured, now understanding.

"Oh and get me a beer!" Midna snapped, in a bossy voice.

"Make me!" Link said, folding his arms.

"Do you want me to do my evil smile again?!" Midna asked, eyeing him.

"Oh, dear Din, please NO!" Link said, wide eyed. He hurried into the kitchen through a different door.

"He's such a wuss, and people wonder why they have to control him in the games," Ganondorf murmured.

"Amen to that!" Midna exclaimed, getting her character thrown off the stage again. "How come you're so frikkin' good?!"

"What do you think I do in the Sacred Realm?! Play golf?" Ganondorf asked, cracking his fingers one by one.

"I dunno. I figured you hung out with all the other bad guys that are stuck in there," Midna said, shrugging.

Link came back in the room and set Midna's beer on the coffee table that was in front of the leather couch. "OK, there! Now please, please, _please_ stop bossying me around!"

"Yeah, whatever. Go away, sissy boy, before I catch the 'I always have to rescue everyone!' disease," she said, waving her hand.

Link walked outside into the backyard.

Quin came out of her bedroom with her clothes soaked and her eyes red. "I ran out of tears," she sniffed.

"I think we're gonna need an I.V.," Ganondorf mumbled, looking at the author.

"I agree, but the phone bill hasn't been paid so we can't make any calls," Midna pointed out.

"Why not?!" Ganondorf asked, baffled.

"It's her job!" Midna said, nodding to Quin.

"Hey! I'm only 14; I have no idea how to pay bills!" she exclaimed, folding her arms. "And is that beer?! I thought I said no more drinking! Whenever you guys get on set you always pass out!"

"That's because, er, because... I got nothin'," Midna mumbled, setting down the controller.

"Figures. Now I need someone to go outside and watch for the mailman, and 24/7, too!" Quin demanded.

"I got it covered," the Twilgiht Princess said. "LINK! GET YOUR BUTT BACK IN HERE AND KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THE MAIL...ummm...PERSON!"

Link hurried through the house and sat outside next to the mailbox, his saphire eyes glued to the box.

"Problem solved. Now go listen to Within Temptation and paly Pokemon Snap. I guarantee that will make you feel better!" Midna said.

"OK," Quin mumbled, walking back into her room. Soon 'The Howling' song was being plaid. "Get back here you stupid lapras I need to get a freakin' picture of you!!" a yell was heard.


	5. Getting Ready

"So much to do! So much to do!" Quin muttered as she set up another table outside on the huge backdeck. "LINK! Get out here!!"

"You have to be more specific of which Link you want!" someone shouted from inside.

"Umm, I want OoT Link! Get his butt in here and I don't care if he's trying to break a record of how many times a game character can die!" she replied.

"Awww!" OoT Link groaned as he headed outside. "Now what do I need to do?"

"I need table clothes, lots of them! And what's their faces still making pastries for the party? You know, the bread making people from the Minish Cap?" Quin asked.

"Yes, they still are, but if I were you I'd have a fire thingy that sprays foam just incase. They almost set fire to one of the ovens. The oven in the wall not the one with the stove," he explained.

"'The fire thingy that sprays foam'?" she quoted, snickering.

"You know what I mean!"

"Yeah, sure. OK! Now go find me my table clothes. And is TP Link still staring at the mailbox? 'Cause hopefully the adaptor will be at my house perched on my bed like I prayed it would be," Quin said yawning.

"Yeah, he is, but...you prayed your package would arrive at your house while you were at your grandma's?" he asked, an eyebrow raising.

"Yes! So what?! Now go do your job 'cause we still got a lot to work on! Hozat requested this party and I expect it to be ready by today," she snapped.

OoT Link hurried back inside.

Now TP Link walked outside with a package under his arms. "Uhh, this arrived."

Quin eyed the package with hunger. "GIVE IT!" she suddenly screamed, lunging for the parcel.

TP Link shrieked, he dropped the package and ran inside. "She's effing crazy!!"

"Screw me working on the party you guys do all the work so I can play the Minish Cap on this bad boy," Quin ordered, running inside and started hooking up the adaptor to the living room tv.

"Why should we do all the work?" TP Link asked, taking a step back.

Quin glared at him and replied, "'Cause I frickin' said so! And do you want to be trapped in a box with just crappy dog kibble again?"

"Oh, dear Din, NO! Last time you shut me in there I kept on hearing scratching noises. I thought rats were trying to get in there with me!" TP Link shuddered.

Ganondorf and Midna snickered as they were drinking a couple beers at the kitchen counter while Wheaton and Pita, from the Minish Cap who ran the bakery, were busy cooking.

Quin grinned. "Now that we have that settled, go finish setting up the tables outside, have Tingle make a whole bunch of baloons and make sure MM Link doesn't show up and pop them!"

"How can he show up? I thought only characters from the Zelda games you've played could only show up," Ganondorf pointed out.

"Oh, yeah. But I have played Majora's Mask for abit, so just incase. Anyways, Midna your in charge of the guest list, and read the names out loud so I can say if I want them at the party or not. It'd be a nightmare if Kepora Gebora came and started yammering about his Uncle Albert," Quin muttered.

_Sometime later..._

"Random Gerudo Guard #9?" Midna asked, going over the guest list at the counter.

"Is that the one in a white outfit that claps and the gate to the desert opens up for you?" Quin asked, playing Minish Cap on the big screen tv.

"Er, I think so. I can never tell," Midna replied.

Ganondorf smirked. "I can, I grew up with those hotties."

"You're lucky! All I grew up with was a bunch of forest kids that all look like twins," OoT Link said, walking inside. "And yes, Author, I finished setting up the tables and spreading out all the tables clothes.

"Good. And sure Midna, I guess #9 is OK, but I've heard some things about #7. Nabooru said she likes to steal peoples shoelaces for some wierd and unexplained reason," the Author murmured, pounding the 'b' button.

"You know, Monday is tomorrow and everyone knows what that means!" Ganondorf pointed out.

"New episodes of Bones and House!!" both Midna and Quin shouted, happily.

"Yuck! I can't take those shows. They're so gruesome, all the dead corpses in Bones, and all the sick people in House," OoT Link mumbled.

"My favorite part in that one House episode where this guy's eyeball pops out!" Quin exclaimed.

"Awww Link, you're turning your favorite color!" Ganondorf said, as OoT Link's skin began going green.

"You people are sick," he mumbled, running outside.

* * *

If any of you watch the abridged series for OoT by adamwestslapdog, you'd get the "Kepora Gebora yammering about his Uncle Albert" joke.


	6. It's Party Time!

OK, it's probably not as good as you, Hozat, hoped it would be. Maybe I'm not that great at making requests? Eh, I try!

* * *

"Sorry MM Tingle, you aren't on the guest list," Midna said in a bored voice. She was sitting at a table in front of the house checking in the people who _were_ on the list, and the ones who weren't would get a blast of Twilight electricity.

"Oompa, you have to let me in, loompa!" he demanded, jumping up and down angrily.

"Look, Loompy, get out of my sight before I sick my rabies diseased cucco on you! Plus also zap you in various places," she growled.

"Oompa, you will regret this, loompa!" MM Tingle declared, creating a big red baloon and floating up in the air, soon to be carried away in the wind.

"Next!" Midna called. "I hope my shift is over soon, I really need something strong to drink," she grumbled.

Mido walked up to the table. "My name's Mido, aka head honcho of the Kokiri Forest, aka Saria's boyfriend, aka holy crap you are really hot, aka OoT Young Link's childhood bully."

"What was the second to last one?!" she asked, heated.

"Er, there was no second to last one," he mumbled.

* * *

"Do you think I should _hic_ ask Medli to dance?" WW Link asked, who was sitting at a table with Vaati, Dark Link, and OoT Ruto.

"Uhh, aren't you a little to young to drink?" Vaati pointed out, staring at the cartoony character.

"_Hic_ looks who's talkin', shorty!" he snapped, almost falling off his chair and he clung to the edge of the table. "Ruto, why do you _hic_ have four arms like Doc Oc _hic_ from Spider Man 2?"

"That's it, I'm gonna go ask the cucco lady to dance with me," Dark Link declared, standing up.

"Don't you mean Anju?" Ruto asked, ignoring WW Link's question.

"Sure, whatever," he said, walking off.

WW Link jumped out of his chair and made his way to Medli who was talking with Komali.

"He's walking like a Spinda," Ruto said, taking a sip of her bottled water.

WW Link stood next to Medli and burped. "Wanna dance?"

Both the sage and the prince stared at him wide eyed.

_An hour later..._

"OK, so far no one's tried to sneak in, other then a bunch of fan girls. Well, I'm glad I hired a whole bunch of cuccos to fend off intruders. But I would've been happy to do it myself if you would've let me!" Quin said angrily, who was talking to OoT Zelda.

"Author, we all know the police showed up if you attacked those fan girls. You probably would've came back to the party wearing one of their skin suits!" she said.

Quin just shrugged. "By the way, Dark Link and Vaati have been staring at Midna for the past half an hour," she said, almost starting to laugh.

"What?! But...I thought Dark Link liked me! I'll fix _that!_" OoT Zelda muttered, walking torwards their table.

"Man, OoT Anju just creeped me out how she always talked about her cuccos," Dark Link murmured.

"I warned you, those NPCs are just plain weird," Vaati pointed out. "You can't beat main characters, secondary characters, and villians. Like Midna, she's got style, attitude... Ooh, crap."

They both looked up ahead and saw OoT Zelda stomping her way to the table glaring at Dark Link.

"Uhh, I've got something in the oven. Have fun with pissed-off-crazy-person," Vaati said, teleporting from sight and reappearing at the table where Midna was sitting at.

"Why I-" Dark Link began.

"You two timing, piece of evil crap!!" OoT Zelda screamed. "I can't believe you were gonna go try and hit on Midna!"

"W-what?! But I'm not even dating you!" Dark Link said, baffled.

"Oh yeah?! Well guess what, emo-boy, you are MINE!" she yelled.

"SECURITY!" Quin shouted from across the yard.

A bunch of Hyrulean guards dragged OoT Zelda out of the party.

"This isn't over, Dark Link! YOU'RE HEAD WILL BE PLACED AS A MANTEL ABOVE MY BED! You hear me?!" She screamed.

_A few minutes later..._

"Heh heh. Emo-boy..." Quin said, sniggering.

"Shut up!" Dark Link said angrily, who was sitting at a table next to her.

_A few minutes later again..._

"I love you," Dark Link burped, his beer slopping all over his tunic.

"Dude, come near me, I'll rip out your spine and whip you with it," she growled.

_Close to an hour later..._

"Vaati, I don't think we can go out. I mean, do you know how tiny you are?!" Midna asked, staring at him with an eyebrow up.

"Oh suuure, don't even give me a chance to prove myself! I mean, I may not be a handsome Hylian, or a gigantic Gerudo, but we measly Minish are pretty cool!" he declared.

"Gigantic Gerudo?" she asked.

"Have you noticed how big boned WW Ganondorf is?"

"Oh, that's it you're dead Vaati!!" WW Ganondorf yelled who was on the dance floor doing the waltz with Random Gerudo Guard #9.

"Crap, gotta go. I'll call you!" Vaati said, teleporting away from the party.

"You know, he's actually pretty cute. I'd date him," Quin mumbled, who suddenly appeared at the table.

"Umm, OK? And how did you do that?" Midna asked.

"My cool author powers lets me do anything. Pfft, I could make TP Link break dance," she said, grinning.

"Sweet! Do it, WW Link has drank all the vodka and I need to something to entertain me for the time being," the Twilight Princess mumbled sadly.

"All right, all right. Lemme concentrate." Quin started staring at TP Link with a serious face the hero was now on the dance floor dancing like crazy.

TP Link was spinning everywhere and knocked MC Anju and a Kokiri kid off the stage. "AAAHHH! SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP!" he screamed.

_Sometime later, not really counting anymore..._

"Is TP Link still pissed about you making him break dance?" MC Anju asked, who was getting a second helping of mashed potatoes at one of the many tables that held food and drinks.

"Yeah, he holds grudges like crazy," Quin said. "Well, I gotta go. The whole romantic music thing is gonna make me vomit if I don't do something violent. So I'll be busy playing Soul Calibur 2 for the gamecube!" She waved and vanished.

Anju walked over to a table where almost every Zelda from the games the Author has played. "Hey girls, what's going on?"

OoT Zelda had a big grin on her face. "TP Zelda is still jealous that I'm dating Marth. Well, that's what she gets for only staring in one game other the the Zelda series."

"What game is that?" Anju asked, taking a huge bite of her food. "And how did you get back into the party?"

"I snuck inside, those cuccos are suckers for live fanboys," the OoT princess answered.

"Super Smash Brothers Brawl," MC Zelda cut in. "I think I'm gonna scream if I see another Kokiri kid come over here and hit on me. Just because I look like a kid doesn't mean I am one!"

Just then, ofcourse you knew it was coming, a Kokiri boy strolled up to the table. "Hello ladies," he said, trying to sound older. "Wanna shake it down on the dance floor?"

MC Zelda's eye twitched.

WW Zelda giggled and slapped herself. "Dangit! My girly side is getting the best of me again. I hate being a princess and a pirate at the same time. It's confusing, you know?"

"SECURITY!" MC Zelda screamed and the Hylian guards soon dragged the desprate Kokiri kid out of the party.

"I'll talk to you later!" he shouted.


	7. Why Not?

No really, I hated Prince Caspian. This mini may be short, but I woke up this morning and thought, "Why can't Link be set up with a girl who can take care of herself?"

* * *

"You know what I am sick of?" Quin said, who was sitting at the counter on her laptop looking through Zelda story archive.

"Oh goodie, what else could seriously piss you off other than fangirls and crappy movies which come from popular novels?" Dark Link questioned, who was playing Soul Calibur with Midna.

"Well, the movies always _do_ sucks, and don't get me started on Prince Caspian!" Quin shouted, looking away from the screen and to her bowl full of Captain Crunch.

"Don't you dare," Midna snarled. "I haven't seen that yet."

Quin pretended to throw up in her cereal.

Dark Link smirked. "So, what were you saying, Author?"

"I was saying it's stupid 'cause Link always gets matched up with these pathetic, useless girls who can't take care of themselves. Why can't someone set Link up with a girl who's a warrior and will help him on his journey? Someone who's not a wuss, can always take care of herself, and will help the hero in battle! Seriously people, every single girl in the Zelda series, other than Impa and the Gerudos, can't defend themselves," Quin complained.

"You know, that's not a bad point," Dark Link admitted, selecting Ivy as his chosen character.

"Hey! What about me?" Midna asked, who selected Kilik to play this time.

"Well, you did get turned into an imp," the Author pointed out.

Midna punched Dark Link in the arm who started laughing. "Shut up!!" she yelled.

"Bri...I mean _Quin_, who do you think is the most useless girl in the series?" Dark Link asked.

"Hmm, tough choice. NOT! Obviously it's Zelda since she's the princess. I hate it how princesses always are the ones who get kidnapped. In my book, the princess of a village in this one mountain is going to rock at fighting!" Quin declared.

"Dark Link, if you point out that I'm a princess you can just shove it," Midna growled.

Dark Link closed his mouth, but after mumbling, "Fine."


	8. Movie Reviews 1

Movie:The Brave One.

Quin:I thought it was really good. It was like Erica was a female Rambo! I give it 4/5.

Midna:The violence frikkin' rocked! I'm gonna give it 5/5.

TP Link:That movie gave me nightmares.

Midna:You kill all the time!!

Movie:Prince Caspian.

Quin:-Throws up- I give it 1/5.

Midna:No good, the fight between Edmund and the King sucked. 2/5.

OoT Zelda:Caspian and me forever! Susan can't have him!! I give all the boys 5/5... I mean the movie gets 5/5.

Movie:Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Quin:Longest title ever, but it was good. I'm a Jones fan but the actual plot was crappy, the movie other then that is cool. I gotta give it 4/5.

TP Ganondorf:I don't think there's enough killing in it. Why can't more people die like in Star Wars?! 2/5.

Midna:At first it was Nazis, now Russians? Huh, which is worse people? 3/5.

Movie:Gilmore Girls.

Quin:Wait, how did a tv show get in here?!

TP Link:My favorite character is Rory! I love you!! 5/5.

OoT Ganondorf:Pfft, the grandma freakin' rules. She's got that evil aura. 4/5.

Movie:Legend of Zelda.

Quin:I EFFING WISH THERE WAS A MOVIE! BUT NOOOOO!

TP Link:A movie about me?! That'd be awesome.

Midna:Hmph, sure I'm only good enough to be put in one game. If they make a movie without us Twili, I'm gonna hurt someone.

Movie:Hostage, the one with Bruce Willis.

Quin:My first rated R movie, it was awesome. 4/5.

OoT Link:Movie was really good, but I don't like it when that guy crawls fast through the shaft after the kids. Creepy... 3/5.

Midna:BLOOD! I mean, it rocked. 5/5.

Movie:Rambo 4.

Quin:The whole movie screamed 'BLOODY MURDER!' It was freakin' awesome. 5/5.

Midna:I would totally date Rambo! 5/5.

TP Link:That movie scared me, way too much violence. 1/5.

WW Zelda:Wuss...

Movie:Newest Flicka movie.

Quin:-Barf- Ew -Barf- Yuck -Barf- Crappy -Barf- No. 1/5.

Midna:That was one of the most unbelievedable horse movies ever. It sucked and I hate it. If you have a problem with me, then I'll happily give you a bigger problem.

MC Malon:Woo-hoo! That's my favorite horse movie other than Spirit. 5/5.


	9. Cut Scenes

"Link, I always knew you would leave," Saria murmured, looking up at him with her sad, blue eyes.

"I'm sorry that I have to go, but I _will_ come back, Saria!" Young Link promised.

The two Kokiris' began making out.

"CUT!" the director shouted, stomping his way onto the set. "You aren't supposed to kiss!"

"Dangit!" Young Link yelled.

Saria blushed.

* * *

"Link, evil has returned, you must get rid of the Twilight that threatens our world," Faron said.

"AGAIN?! Why can't someone else save Hyrule? I'm getting so tired of this crap! Screw it, find someone else! Like...TALO!" TP Link yelled, and ran out of the Faron Spring. "I'm gonna go play Guitar Hero."

"Swee-eet!" Talo shouted, running into the spring. "Okay, I'm here. Where's my tunic and master sword?!"

"LINK! GET BACK HERE!" Faron screamed.

* * *

(SPOILER!!)

"Link, I am about to reveal my secret!" Sheik shouted, then a flash of light blinded the Hero's eyes and he saw Zelda standing in front of him.

Link's mouth dropped. "Oh, my Nayru."

"Yes, Link, it is I," she said.

"Sheik has the Triforce of Wisdom! I saw it on his right hand! Total shockage!" OoT Link yelled. "So all this time, Sheik was dsiguised as Princess Zelda to hide from Ganondorf because he has the Triforce of Wisdom. IT MAKES SENSE!" OoT Link exclaimed.

"Ugh, I'll be in my trailer," Zelda sighed, walking off the set.

* * *

"Oh, Link, now that my memory is back nothing can stand in the way of our relationship!" Ilia said, happily.

"Yeah, sure, sure. Come on, Squirtle, use Water Gun!" TP Link said, smashing the 'A' button on his gameboy advance.

"CUT! Link, you've been playing Pokemon Blue for weeks. PUT IT DOWN!" the director ordered.

"Make me!" TP Link yelled, running out of the room.


	10. Various Things

"Ganondorf, if you keep on using Nightmare you'll never win against me," Quin advized him, as they continued to play Soul Calibur 2.

"Never. Nightmare is the most evil character on this game other than Inferno," he growled.

The Author rolled her hazelnut eyes. "You're acting like a fangirl," she muttered, the word "fangirl" disgusted her.

"Oh, yeah? Need I remind you of Edward?" TP Ganon said, grinning.

Quin cast him an angry look before knocking his character off the stage in the game with her best character, Talim. "That's it, this is getting boring. I'm out!" she declared, dropping her controller and walking outside where some other Zelda characters were relaxing on the lawn.

"Oh, Nightmare, I wish I could meet you. But, alas, you don't exist," TP Ganondorf sighed.

"You aren't going to break into song, are you?" Midna asked, entering the living room from the stairs.

TP Ganondorf scowled.

**Now for something completely different!**

"You are the Banana King, Charlie!" OoT Link laughed, who was one of the Zelda characters lounging outside.

**No. Not that.**

"Go Squirtle!" OoT Link yelled, releasing the turtle pokemon.

"Go Whooper!" Midna shouted, releasing her choice of pokemon.

"Foolish Twili! With the power of turtle on my side, your borish creature doesn't stand a chance!" Link laughed.

"HA! My Whooper is extremely strong and it will merely absorb your useless water attacks," she shot back.

"Oh, yeah?! Well, my Squirtle knows other moves than his awesome water attacks!" he scoffed.

_"This ins't a battle! It's just TALK!" _Whooper said frustrated.

_"No kidding. Wanna go get some MooMoo Milk?"_ Squirtle asked.

Whooper nodded and the two of them walked off the battling arena and torwards a vending machine.

"No, you're pokemon is uglier!" Midna yelled.

"Atleast mine has arms!!" Link shouted.

**If anyone noticed, that was something from the webcomic, Kid Radd. **


	11. Video comments

They see me fightin'

They hatin'

Pratolin' they tryin' to catch me battlin' dirty.

This was originally for Poke'mon, but I guess you could see it for Link...

Comments on a video "I'm Not That Girl" for Midna and Link, you can check it on Youtube.

Midna:HA! Over my dead body would I be caught being Link's girlfriend.

Ganondorf:-Snickers-

Midna:YOU'RE DEAD!

Comments on a video titled "Blow Me Away" on Youtube.

Quin:People use that clip where Link is riding Epona and she rears on the Hylian Bridge way too much. Show some more creativity people.

Gerudo guard:Power to the creativity.

Comments on a video titled "Majora's Mask Full Moon" on Youtube.

Quin:I listen to it all the time. I love it!

Midna:Two thumbs up. MM is a good game, but not as good as OoT.

MM Link:I'm popular!


	12. Therapy

Evil people have feelings too! I bet even Ganondorf is tired of always being the villian. Poor guy...

* * *

"So, tell me what your worst fear is," the therapist asked.

"Well, it's just that, there have been so many games and fan fictions where I'm evil, whenever I go out into public people start screaming! I didn't even do anything!" Ganondorf growled, who was laying on a leather couch.

"Mm-hmm. Did you have another one of your dreams?" the therapist asked, who was sitting in a rocking chair writing on a clipboard.

"I'm walking in Hyrule Field, just walkin', then all of a sudden Link comes out doing a spin attack and kills me! I don't understand, I'm not really evil, it's just my job!" he exclaimed angrily.

"And how is anger management going?"

"It's helping quite a bit, but I'm still getting threatening emails and people are always prank calling me. I mean, why don't they go after Vaati?! He's evil, but I guess those stupid Minish are too cute to be bothered," he continued to rant.

"Have you considered saying sorry to Link and Zelda?"

"I tried, but they just laughed and said they'd be ready when I started plotting another attack. I'm beginning to think everyone believes I'm really evil," Ganondorf murmured. "It's just...not fair! They won't give me a chance to prove myself," he sobbed.


	13. Childhood First Kiss

"Link, I wanna show you a place I found in the Lost Woods. You might like it!" Saria said, her big, blue eyes sparkling.

"Sure. Lead the way!" Link said, anxious and curious as to what she's going to show him.

Saria lead him through the woods as if she knew it better than the back of her hand. Soon they came upon a maze.

"Wow! I wonder how this maze was built, or _who_ built it," Link wondered aloud.

Saria giggled. "Maybe the forest guardian created it."

"Forest guardian?" he asked, puzzled.

She nodded. "Someone who takes care of the forest other than the Great Deku Tree himself," she explained, as they walked through the maze.

They climbed the stone stairs and entered the Forest Meadow. Link's jaw dropped upon seeing the large, stone piece that was in the ground, it also had a strange design that had been carved into it. "Wow!" was all he could manage to say.

Saria immediately ran around the stone tablet and pointed up at the broken stairs. "Look, Link! Someone had destroyed that pathway, I wish I could see what was up there."

It hurt Link's neck to look all the way up there for so long, he just stared at the tablet. "What is that?"

"I dunno." Saria shrugged and sat on a stump, her boots barely touching the ground.

Link sat next to her and yawned. "This is a really nice place, Saria."

"It is," she agreed.

The two looked awkwardly at the ground then their eyes met.

"Umm, Saria?"

"Yes?"

"Er," Link trailed off, that stupid, awkardness returning. "Dangit!" he shouted, jumping from his wooden seat and taking a few steps away.

Saria sighed, deeply disappointed.

Link turned back to face her. "I-I wanna tell you something, but I guess it's kinda hard. So, I'll just have to show you!"

Next thing she knew was that his lips pressed against her, her blue eyes were at first wide open but soon closed, enjoying the moment.

"Well, there. I did it," Link said, grinning.

Saria flushed, but was extremely giddy.

Watching the two, a small Kokiri boy peered from behind a tree. Running away from the meadow, Mido left behind a trail of angry tears.

* * *

**Okay, I want everyone to know I am NOT a Saria/Link fan. I'm a Link/nobody fan. Ha.**


	14. Quin's Show 1

"It's quiz time! But before I announce my first guest, someone - can't remember their name - asked me if I was a Link/Saria fan. No, I am not. I just thought I'd be fun to write that mini. I'm actually a Link/Nobody fan! I always think of Link as a loner, unless someone pairs him up with an awesome chick, that has attitude, weapons, magic, and kicks anyones butt," Quin explained.

**"Just announce your guest and get on with your show!" the narrator shouted.**

Quin made a face to really no one. She shifted in her chair and brought up a memo card. "My first guest is Adult Zelda from Ocarina of Time."

The audience clapped as Zelda walked onto the stage and sat in the guest chair.

"Wecome to my mini show where I interrogate characters. My first question is...what were you thinking when you let Young Link travel around, collecting the spiritual stones, which let Ganondorf waltz right into the Sacred Realm?!" the Author screamed.

"I was just kid!" Zelda screamed back.

"Excuses, excuses!" Quin muttered. "My next question is did you show any affection to Link in the game?"

"What?! No!" Zelda gasped.

"That's what I thought." She turned to the camera. "In your faces, _fans_. Leave it to the fan fictions to pair up Link with girls who can't take care of themselves."

"Boooo!" the audience shouted angrily.

"SHUT UP!" Quin yelled.

"Can I go now? I have an appointment to get my nails done," Zelda said.

"I think you should get an appointment with the game designers to see why you always get kidnapped. But yes, you may go," she said, waving her hand.

Zelda quickly dashed off the stage.

"Tune in next time to see who my next guest is! You might even get to hear a commercial I made up! Now go away so I can go to bed!" Quin shouted at the camera.


	15. Choose One

Blood of Darkness:A vampire creeps into Hyrule, at first killing a close friend of Link's, but is there more to this vampire than meets the eye? Or is it just a monster for an eye for blood? Takes place after Twilight Princess

"Okay guys, what do you think of that?" Quin asked, after typing it up on her laptop.

"Hmm, sounds cool. Vampires are my favorite fantasy species," Midna commented, peering at the screen from behind the Author.

"Crap! I'm gonna die, aren't I? I'm gonna get bitten and turned into one of those bloodsuckers, huh?!" TP Link exclaimed, who was standing next to the Twilight Princess.

Quin rolled her eyes and started typing up another summary. "How about this?"

The Puppet Thief:A young thief is hired to steal a few items that will allow the Evil King to be released from his prison. Who hired the thief, what are the items, and who is the thief? Takes place after Ocarina of Time.

"Not bad, but I still like the first one," Midna said after reading it.

"I wanna know who the thief is! Is it...Mido?" TP Link asked.

"No," Quin replied.

"Is it...Anju?"

"What?! No!"

"Is it...Ganondorf?"

"No..."

"Is it...Zelda?!"

"SHUT UP!" she shouted.

"Jeez, I was just guessing," TP Link mumbled, insulted.

"Well, don't. You wouldn't get the answer even if half of your brain was working," Quin growled.

"Well, you...! Wait...what?" TP Link asked, puzzled.

Midna snickered. "Maybe you should let the readers decide which one is the best."

"Midna! Don't break the fourthwall!" the Author yelled.

"Why not? Haven't we broken it already?"

"Oh, well, I guess we have. Anyways, that is a good idea. I'll upload it onto the website, but we'll have to wait an hour, or so, before getting any reviews," she mumbled, saving the document.

"I guess in the mean time we'll have to do soemthing to keep oursleves busy..." Midna pointed out.

"Can we watch 'My Fair Lady'?" TP Link asked.

"Eh, sure. Why not? It's, like, the best musical movie ever," the Author agreed.

"Awww! Can't we watch 'Hostage', the one with Bruce Willis, instead?" Midna pleaded.

"NO!" the other two yelled.


	16. Pokemon Anime

"Hello, I'm here to point out all the errors the Pokemon tv show had, plus make fun of it!" Quin said cheerfully.

**Problem #1** Ash never earns his badges! He always ends up doing a favor for the gym leader and they give him the effing badge.

**Problem #2** How many stupid girls have they given him as a traveling partner which leads to fans believing that they're soul mates?

**Problem #3** Since Pikachu is the first or second star of the show, people love him more than any other pokemon! I mean, I'd rather have a Raichu than that stupid, yellow mouse.

**Problem #4** His battling is mostly LUCK! He's such a god mod and mary sue that it makes me sick.

**Problem #5** Umm, when I heard his mother's age, and Ash's age at the same time. I almost puked.

"What does this have to do with Zelda?" Midna asked, entering the room.

"Pfft, I dunno. I just want everyone to know why I hate the Pokemon anime," the Author replied. "Now, continuing with the problem list..."

**Problem #6** Gary's cheerleaders are creepy. I mean, them singing, "Gary, Gary, he's our man. If he can't do it then no one caaan!" that's just...wow.

"Okay, that's something I agree with!" WW Ganondorf said, walking into the room and sitting down.

**Problem #7** I miss the old Team Rocket song!

"Those guys are creeps," WW Ganondorf muttered.

"DON'T DIS TEAM ROCKET!" Quin yelled.

**Problem #8** I can't think of anymore right now. But just you wait I'll make up more! Now for a saying I made up...

A watched poke'mon never evolves!!


	17. Career Choice

Here I will put up a Zelda character and a list of jobs they might have in our normal world. But YOU get to decide which job would suit them best! Note that not everyone has four choices.

**Midna.**

A:Hired hooker.

B:Actress.

C:Singer.

D:One of those people who blackmail rich people then steal their money.

**Link.**

A:One of those links that you click on and it leads you to a website.

B:Salesman.

C:Someone who teaches people to fight using swords and shields.

D:Male model.

**Zelda.**

A:Someone who owns a salon.

B:A queen (INSTEAD OF A PRINCESS!)

C:A professor (Triforce of Wisdom, people!)

**Ruto.**

A:Sushi chef.

B:Link's number 1 fan.

C:Link's number 1 stalker.

**Darunia.**

A:Someone who tests out DDR games.

B:Someone who PLAYS DDR games.

C:Dancer.

**Ganondorf.**

A:Lead guitarist in a band.

B:Baker.

C:Surgeon.

D:Someone who sells expensive sports cars.


	18. OoT Quiz

How much do you know about the Legend of Zelda series? Here's a pop quiz on Ocarina of Time since I've beaten it! I'll make more quizes later on.

Question #1:How old is Young Link?

A:7.

B:10.

C:12.

Question #2:What is the design on the Deku Shield?

A:Just some random design.

B:Kokiri's Emerald.

C:A design resembling the Great Deku Tree.

Question #3:How many cuccos do you catch for Anju in Kakariko Village?

A:9.

B:5.

C:7.

Question #4:How many eyes does Ruto have?

A:4.

B:2.

C:3.

Question #5:Which boss is found in the Shadow Temple?

A:Queen Gohma.

B:Bongo Bongo.

C:Twinrova.

Question #6:Which Zelda game was made before Ocarina of Time?

A:A Link To The Past.

B:Adventure of Link.

C:Link's Awakening.

Question #7:How many warps songs does Link learn?

A:5.

B:6.

C:4.

Question #8:Who is Shiek?

A:Ganondorf's second hand man.

B:Zelda.

C:Link's father!

Question #9:What makes Darunia happy?

A:Dancing.

B:Saria's Song.

C:Goron's Ruby.

Question #10:After beating the cucco game and recieving the bottle of Lon Lon Milk from Talon, what does he ask you?

A:Could you come back to play again?

B:Wasn't that game I made up fun?

C:Do you want to marry Malon?

Question #11:How many hearts does Lon Lon Milk give you?

A:5.

B:8.

C:4.

Question #12:Other then recieving the Zora Tunic from King Zora, who else can you get it?

A:Find it in the Ice Cavern.

B:During a side quest.

C:Buy it from the Zora shop.

Question #13:How many Great Fairy fountains are there?

A:5.

B:6.

C:7.

Question #14:In what order are the stages of getting through the Gerduo Desert?

A:Cross the river of sand, follow the poe, then follow the flags.

B:Follow the flags, cross the river of sand, then follow the poe.

C:Cross the river of sand, follow the flags, then follow the poe.

Question #15:Out of these three answers, which one is really a location for one of the bean beds.

A:In the meadow where you first meet Zelda.

B:In the Desert Colussus.

C:Near the fishing pond.

Question #16:What is the name of the dog the lady has in Castle Town market?

A:Richard.

B:Philip.

C:Link.

Question #17:Other than being second in command of the Gerduo Foretress, what is Nabooru also known by?

A:Lone wolf. She never steals from the poor.

B:Wolfos. She'll steal from anyone.

C:Redead. Everyone hates her.

Question #18:What are the names of the small, electric jellyfish inside Lord Jabu-Jabu?

A:Bubble.

B:Biri.

C:Bari.

Question #19:How many sages are there?

A:7.

B:6.

C:5.

Question #20:How much does the Running Man pay for the Bunnyhood?

A:70 rupees.

B:Infinite rupees.

C:100 rupees.

**Answers:** #1, answer is B. #2, answer is B. #3, answer is C. #4, answer is A. #5, answer is B. #6, answer is C. #7, answer is B. #8, answer is B. #9, answer is B. #10, answer was C. #11, answer is A. #12, answer is C. #13, answer is B. #14, answer is C. #15, answer is B. #16, answer is A. #17, answer is A. #18, answer is Biri. #19, answer is A. #20, answer is B.

If you got 5-0 questions right, then I suggest you go play the game again.

If you got 10-5 questions right, then maybe it's been awhile since you've played it?

If you got 15-10 questions right, then you did really good!

If you got 20-15 questions right, then you did awesome!

If you got all right, then congratulations!

I hope everyone had fun, I'll be sure to make more quizes!


	19. How Would You React?

Wow, a lot of people put this in their favorites and alerts. Thanks everyone! It's been alot of fun, hopefully I'll make up another 20, or so, minis.

* * *

"Alright, I guess today we're supposed to answer some 'how would react' questions," Quin said, sitting down at the large table in Telma's bar.

Midna sighed. "Lets get it over with, I have an appointment later."

"Like a dentist appointment?!" TP Link asked.

"No! I'm meeting with a friend," the Twilgiht Princess hissed. "Video game characters don't need to go to the dentist's office."

"Well, I sure need to go to the Doctor's office. I'm not an NPC character like all of you. What about you, Quin, you ned to go to the doctor's and the dentist's?" TP Link asked, turning to the Author.

"Well, duh! I'm human, aren't I?!" she exclaimed.

"You don't look like it when you come in contact with a fangirl," WW Ganondorf said under his breath, recieving a glare from the teenaged girl.

"Anyways," Quin muttered, taking a stack of memos from her jeans pocket, "here are the questions."

**How would you react if Orlando Bloom was in your house, eating food from your fridge?**

"I would steal his wallet, then throw him out into the street where fangirls of every kind await," both Quina and Midna said.

"I would beg him for his autograph, then demand to go out with him," OoT Zelda said, dreamily.

"Pfft! Screw you, I'm way more prettier, and I have better gaming graphics than you. He would definitely rather go out with me," TP Zelda declared.

OoT Zelda leaped across the table and landed on top of TP Zelda. They both wrestled each other across the floor.

"Yes! Another cat fight!" TP Link murmured.

Young Link stood on his chair in attempt to see the fight between the princesses. "Alright, now tear her dress off..."

"Next question!!" Quin shouted, bringing up another memo.

**How would you react if you walked into a gay bar?**

"Ugh! Who wrote that?!" Midna asked, clearly disgusted.

"What's gay?" Young Link asked.

"You do _not_ want to know," WW Ganondorf assured him.

"I would totally have a drink!" TP Link said, then everyone stared at him in awe even the princesses.

"What?" he asked.

"Seriously, what does gay mean?!" Young Link asked, getting frustrated.

"I would, though, steal all the drinks then run out the door," Midna replied.

"All right, two answers are good enough," Quin muttered, taking out another memo.

**How would you react if you saw TP Link being chased down the road by a billion fangirls?**

"Point and laugh," Midna answered immediately.

"Hey!" TP Link shouted.

"I would probably throw OoT Link in there, too," Quin murmured thoughtfully.

"I'm gonna go grab a dictionary," Young Link grumbled, sliding off his chair and walking out of the bar.

**How would you react if you found Tingle sleeping in your closet?**

"Oh, my freakin' word. Who made that one up?" Quin asked, staring at the memo in shock. "I think I would scream if I saw him in my closet."

"Who's Tingle?" TP Link asked, deeply puzzled.

"No one you wanna know," WW Ganondorf murmured.

"I'd probably strangle him," Midna growled.


	20. WZCWNS

What Zelda characters would never say! **Important:Lets all just pretend Zelda Mini Madness wasn't created. This is a game that was NOT made by me. The characters in this mini aren't from my Mini Madness. Got it?! Good.**

Link:Hi.

Tingle:I feel so pretty!

Ganondorf:I don't wanna be evil anymore!

Link:I will rule the world! Mwahahahahahahahaa!!

Anju:I've decided to open up a restraunt! It'll be called HFC.

Link:What's that stand for?

Anju:Hyrule's Fried Cucco!

Cucco:O.O

Zelda:Link, you must save the world!

Link:Screw the world, I'm sick of saving Hyrule! Like, how MANY games are there where I've saved the effing world?!

Tingle:I am coming to your house!...at night!!

Tingle:I live under your house!...at night!!

Malon:I hate animals!

Talon:I'm gonna do something!

Ruto:Marry me, Link!

Link:Okay.

Navi:...

Phantom Ganon:I'm Ganondorf's phantom!

Link:So, you're a ghost?

Phantom Ganon:Yep. Pretty much.

Link runs away screaming:GHOST! Somebody call TAPS!!

Navi:I'm telling you Link, the Goron's tunic just lets you be in hot places. It does NOT enable you to swim in lava.

Link:Oh, yeah?! Watch this!

Link:I love you, Ilia, Saria, Zelda, Ruto, Nabooru, Malon, Navi, Tetra, Hena, Medli, and Midna.

All the girls:...

Link:That's it for today! Tune in when Quintaso stops being lazy and writes more!

Quin:HEY!


	21. Writing Fan Fiction

**Here I will teach you how to write Zelda fan fiction. Ideas, tips, and other such things will be included in this guide. Please read it carefully because there's going to a be a test on it!!**

Tip #1:Always make sure your stories make perfect sense.

"Link, I am your...FATHER!" Tingle screamed.

"Wait, what?! EW! My mom slept with a forty year old man!!" Link shouted, running off the set.

See? That didn't make any sense. Here's something that makes sense...

"Link, I married your mom and we had you," Tingle explained.

"This is basicly the same thing except we're not stealing form George Lucas!" Link shouted.

Shut up!

Tip #2:Try and not use gamertalk.

Link enters the main room where Ganondorf is playing the organ and Zelda is floating above them in a rupee, thing...

"Ganondorf, im sooooo gona pwnz u al ovr dis dungeon!" Link yelled.

Seriously, it just doesn't fit.

Tip #3:Please no love at first sight, it's just stupid, cheesy, and way over used.

Young Link walks up to the young, Princess Zelda who is peering into the window.

She turns around then gasps. "I think I'm in love!"

"Screw Hyrule, lets make out!" Link declared.

"OKAY!"

Many guards died from preventing jealous fangirls from getting into the courtyard.

Tip #4:I would stop writing that Zelda gets kidnapped...

Ganondorf enters the great hall where Zelda is sitting at her throne. "I have come to take you away, princess, so this wirter has an excuse to make a Legend of Zelda fan fic!"

"I --ING QUIT!" Zelda screamed, running off the stage.

And you thought anciet Hylians didn't know what cussing is.

That's all the tips I can think of. I'll probably write another one of these someday.


	22. Tinker Bell Time!

"Link, you must wake up! The Great Deku Tree wishes to see you!" the blue fairy yelled, hovering above the sleeping Kokiri.

"Mmm..." he mumbled, opened his eyes and blinking until his focus came to him. "What? Tinker Bell?"

"What?! No! My name is Navi," the fairy shouted, raising her voice.

Link rubbed his eyes and jumped off his bed. "Are you gonna take me to Never Land?!"

"WHAT?!" Navi zoomed off the set. "Who told him to say this?!"

**Somewhere in London...**

Peter Pan landed on the window. "Navi? Where are you?"

Tinker Bell jingled angrily in the air. "I'M NOT NAVI!" she screamed in her own language.

**Somewhere else...**

"You call me Tinker Bell you'll never reach adulthood," Tatl growled.

"..."

**Somewhere else again...**

"Hey, are you okay?"

"OH GOD! NOT ANOTHER TINKER BELL!" Link screamed, jumping up and running into the ocean.

"Heh heh..." Ciela takes up a cell phone. "Yeah? Navi? You were right, it worked great!"

**Don't ask. Just review.**

**In the Author's home...**

Young Link entered the living room.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOUNG LINK!" everybody shouted, jumping out of their hiding places.

The whole play was decorated with Tinker Bell.

**In the hospital.**

"Young Link is in a coma. We're not so sure why..." the doctor said.

Both Midna and TP Ganodnorf snickered behind Quintaso's back.

"Send the hospital bill Hozat," the Author said, grinning.


	23. Happy 4th of July!

Yes, I _am_ pretty effed up. Lol. Here's a special Fourth of July mini for you all! Hope you all spend your money on fireworks! And please try not to blow your heads off or any other bodyparts during the having fun process. I won't have to worry about that since we can't afford fireworks. -Cries-

* * *

"Hey, is Young Link out of the hospital?" WW Tetra asked.

Quin nodded as she finished setting out all the food on a long table that was placed on the deck. "Yep. I had OoT Link go get him and bring him here in time for the party."

"Really? I didn't know he had a driver's license, or a car for that matter," WW Tetra said.

"Ummm. He doesn't," Quin mumbled.

"What?! Whose car is he driving?!"

"Uhhh, TP Ganondorf's new Volvo," she admitted.

**A few minutes later...**

"WHERE'S MY CAR?!"

"I got something in the oven!" Quin yelled, running into the house.

**An hour later...**

Midna drove into the driveway in her red Lamborghini.

She floated twenty cardboard boxes into the house - using magic of course! - and set them one by one in the living room.

Quin was busy mixing together brownies. "Good! You got the fire works."

"Yup. And I made sure not get anything legal," Midna said grinning.

"That's nice to know," the Author said, rolling her eyes. "Can you put them outside? There's a table I set up near the pool where we'll keep all the fireworks. And make sure no Dogongos go near them!"

Midna quickly went outside with the boxes of fireworks right behind her. She set them gently on the table, also storing a few under it, too.

Vaati appeared next to her. "Hey sugar. What's going on?"

"You're supposed to say, "What's up?" What's going on died in the nineties. Or, eighties. I'm not sure, I've only been out a year, or two," Midna said.

"Whatever!"

**Sometime when the party started...**

"So Young Link, what does it feel like being in a coma?" TP Saria asked.

"Umm, it's kinda hard to answer since you have no face," he mumbled, as he sat down on the lawn.

"My mask is my face! How many times do we Twilight Princess Sages have to explain that?!" TP Saria bellowed.

"Well, you still look stupid! Why couldn't the game designers keep your original bodies?"

TP Saria stomped off into the house.

OoT Young Ruto sat next to him. "What is it like being in a coma?"

"Well, a lot of people say you can hear, but not see. I could only smell for some reason," Young Link shrugged.

"Wanna make out?" she asked.

"Pfft, no! I'd rather make out with _Adult _Ruto," he said laughing. Young Link stood up and started checking out all the fireworks.

**In the house...**

"Has anyone seen my Din's Fire?" OoT Link asked.

Quin shook her head. "Nope."

"Maybe I left it after setting up that last table," he murmured.

"Umm, what table did we set up last?" the Author asked, shocking spreading across her face.

"The one with the fireworks? Why?"

**BIG EXPLOSION SOUNDS!!**

"Great. Young Link's gonna have to go to the hospital again," Midna muttered, who was dishing up some food.

"Happy Fourth of July," Vaati said, elbowing her.


	24. Quirks

**Reason #1 of why it's good to be a video game character.**

TP Zelda:In Hyrule, you don't have to be voted to be Queen. You just are!

Midna:I bet I could beat you in a presidental election.

TP Zelda:You would just threaten everyone to vote for you!

Midna:Pffft, threatening is so last year.

TP Zelda:What's _this_ year?

Midna:Skip the threatening and go straight to the beatings!

**Reason #1 of why it's not good to be a video game character.**

TP Link:I don't like being controlled! I'd like to see you be forced to face a thiry foot tall boss that vomits purple sludge at you!

Hint:The Forest Temple boss.

**Reason #2 of why it's good to be a video game character.**

OoT Young Link:I don't have to go to school! I'd rather kill enemies than read books anyday.

OoT Link:What's school?

**Reason #2 of why it's not good to be a video game character.**

MC Zelda:My role in the Minish Cap was awful! I got turned into stone the first chance the video game designers had!

Ezlo:Atleast _you_ didn't get turned into an object! Sitting on top of a boy's head sucks, plus he never showers! You know how much he stinks?!

**Reason #3 of why it's good to be a video game character.**

OoT Link:We don't have to work to get money. We just need to cut down grass, or kill an enemy to get rupees, or even play a stupid mini game that's easy once you master it.

Moblin:Blonde butt boy makes Moblin angry. He gets owee.

Midna:Don't Moblins have the same addiction as Wookies?

Vaati:What addiction is that?

Midna:Tearing peoples arms off.

**Reason #3 of why it's not good to be a video game character.**

WW Link:You guys get all the sports! For once I'd like to ride something that doesn't talk back. Like surfing! I'd rather ride a wave on a board than sail the seas on a talking boat!

**Reason #4 of why it's good to be a video game character.**

WW Tetra:We never get sick!

Ralis:I did.

Ww Tetra:Oh yeah... But what were you sick with? Grief?

Ralis:I have no freakin' idea what I was sick with!

**Reason #4 of why it's not good to be a video game character.**

TP Ganondorf:You puny mortals actually get a choice wether you want to be good or bad.

Vaati:By the way, how's your therapy going?

TP Ganondorf:The guy started charging extra so I shoved a fireball up his nose.

Vaati:Don't you mean -beep-?

TP Ganondorf:My ex-Therapist said cussing would just get me angrier.

**Reason #5 of why it's good to be a video game character.**

Midna:We don't have to be lucky to be born beautiful. We just are!

TP Zelda:Do you think the Author is damaging people's self-esteem with this point?

Midna:Who cares!

**Reason #5 of why it's not good to be a video game character.**

Shad:You people are just effing lucky to have technology. For once I would love to use a pc! Or just a caculator for once!

OoT Link:Umm, who cares? Learning is boring. I would love to play video games like them peeps.

Shad:Peeps?

OoT Link:I'm trying to sound cooler so hopefully they'll like me and let me play their awesome game systems.


	25. The Insiders

**Midna:**What did you think about your role in Twilight Princess?

Midna's response:It was fun riding on TP Link's back when he's in wolf form, bossing him around, and actually having an excuse to be mean to him. But when we got to the whole sentimental part, I really wanted to quit. You know how many times I had to take a break to go throw up?

**TP Link:**What was your favorite part in Twilight Princess?

TP Link's response:That's a tough one. Other than kicking Twili beast butt, killing another temple boss, I liked the whole girl thing. You know many women the fans have paired with me from that game?

Error! TP Link has been dragged from the room from all the females from Twilight Princess and now all we got was screaming from TP Link and angry shrieking from the female characters.

**Ilia:**Do you actually like TP Link?

Ilia's response:Well he is a hottie, even though I'm an annoying bi-

Error! This was actually Quin in disguise. We will now get a response from the real Ilia.

Real Ilia's response:Pffft, YES! He is so sexy, I love him, he loves me. And I have no idea why I helped beat the crap out of him before, first I was talking to Midna, and then everything went blank after that...

**OoT Malon:**How did you take it when you were informed that you wouldn't be in Twilight Princess?

Malon's response:I was so freakin' ticked off! You know how much more sexy I would've looked if I was in those awesome graphics?! And what excuse did they give me when they said they couldn't put in Lon Lon Ranch? They said it wouldn't add to the plotline and it would be completely useless!

**OoT Link:**How did you react when you heard most of the fans said that Twilight Princess said was better than your game?

OoT Link's response:TP Link may have good graphics, a ton of fangirls, good graphics, a better horse, cooler weapons, good graphics, but I have something he'll never have:A game that goes to the Nintendo 64!

Error! The last sentence was now blanked out since it wasn't a good point.


	26. Bosses and Enemies

**Different ways to kill bosses and enemies**

**Queen Gohma:**

Link enters the room where Quin Gohma luirks.

Queen Gohma lands on the floor and roars.

Link smirks and whips out a can of bug spray. "Bring it!" he yelled.

"Oh -beep-! RUN AWAY!" Queen Gohma shreiks, heading for the wall.

**King Dodongo:**

King Dodongo roars when Link turns around.

Link yawns and throws his whole bomb bag into the Dodongo's mouth, which he explodes.

**Gerudo:**

"Oh no! Look out!" the carpentor cries out when a Gerudo appears before OoT Link.

"TP Link! Can you please take over?" OoT Link asked, walking off the set.

TP Link walks on and stands in the other Link's place. "What's up? Check these awesome graphics!" he says, winking.

"Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh," the Gerudo girl murmurs, then faints.

**Twilit Dragon Argorok:**

"Screw killing him. I will capture him and slay this dragon!" TP Link yelled. He climbed one of those tower things - I forgot what they're called! - and he jumped on top of Argorok.

- I now steal a line from the Avatar abridged series by GanXingba. Now go watch the series and post compliments! -

"HA! Kiss my butt, Eragon!" TP Link yells, riding Argorok torwards the Twili mirror to go kick Zant's butt with his new pet.

**TP Ganondorf in the form where you fight him with your sword:**

"You will never defeat me Link! Even though you've done it a billion times before and I probably won't get lucky this time! But none the less, I will continue to try and kill you!" Ganondorf yells.

"You have forgotten Ganondorf, I have a new form. No, it is NOT my wolf form! For the cuccos in this game do not attack me when I attack them, but I actually get to control them!" Link shouts.

Ganondorf stares at him in shock. "You...you mean...?"

"YES! When I am a cucco I have immortality!! HAHAHAHAHA!!" Link brings out a cucco and attacks it. He soon takes control of the cucco's body and chases after Ganondorf.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!!" Ganondorf shrieks.

"Get back here and face your doom!" Cucco Link shouts.

**Are you ready for the biggest secret to beat ALL the games?! Are you sure? Are you positive? I dunno, you seem to not know. I will give you a chance to scroll down and decide at the same time! **

**...**

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**Still thinking?**

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**Holy crap, you're slow at deciding!**

**...**

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**Are you ready to rumble?!**

**...**

**Okay, I'm gonna say it!**

**...**

**Are you sure you want to know?**

**...**

**TOO LATE! I'm not gonna hold back!**

**The way to beat all of the games is...**

**DON'T PLAY THEM AT ALL! Just memorize all the walksthrough, buy the games that have already been beaten, then brag to everyone that YOU actually beat them.**

**Disappointed? You didn't expect me to tell you the spoilers did you? **


	27. Two months!

**Since I've been writing Zelda Mini Madness for over 2 months - woo-hoo! - to celebrate I will copy and paste my favorite reviews onto here. I and a few characters will comment them!**

**KyrieFalcon:**Hahahahahahahahahaha I laughed for a really long time after reading this...that was just too funny. Update? PLEASE?!

Quin:This is one of my favorites 'cause it was my very first review.

TP Link:Ah yes, the very first mini you wrote. It seems only yesterday you typed it on your parents' cheap keyboard.

Quin:Dis my parents' again and you're going back in the box. - One of my favorite quotes from the Yu-Gi-Oh! abridged series -

TP Link:Please don't send me back there!

**Hozat:**LOL! I love it! "This isn't over, Dark Link! YOU'RE HEAD WILL BE PLACED AS A MANTEL ABOVE MY BED! You hear me?!" She screamed. I totally laughed at that part. And im gonna use that spine ripping out threat at school tomorrow! I can see Link break dancing though...lol. Great party! Thaw was awesome!

Quin:OoT Zelda has issues.

OoT Zelda:HEY!

TP Link:I almost broke my neck break dancing! Never make me do that again.

Quin:I never make promises, you of all people should know that.

TP Link:I hate-

Quin:You really don't want to finish that sentence.

**Hozat:**I havent seen any movies. Im so lazy... But so wish there was a Zelda movie. Did you see the fake trailer? Here /watch?vPGR6eeB37cw  
ItAwesome

Quin:That trailer pissed me OFF!! Whoever had that idea is gonna get taste blackberries after I throw them in a HUGE freakin' bush of 'em!!

OoT Link:You'd think they could've found a hotter Link actor.

OoT Ganondorf:I didn't look so great either.

Midna:Atleast that Ganondorf actor wasn't green.

OoT Ganondorf:You will effing drop it?!

**UnbowedUnbroken****:**simply stands and applaudes  
Nothing needs to be said lol

Quin:I absolutely LOVE this review. My awesomeness cannot be put into words, PEOPLE!

Midna:You do have other things that can be put into words.

Quin:Shut up. You're just jealous.

Midna:Jealous? My inbox is flooded because you put 'hooker' in my job choice. All my emails are just GUYS!

**Ersina Deathclaw:**THANK YOU! Somebody besides me thinks that Ash needs to get his effing butt kicked! D -dances around the room, then steals Charizard and leaves- 

Oh, and tell Link that my Ivysaur totally owns his Squirtle. ;3

Quin:If Ash existed I would brake into his house and kick his butt with both feet tied behind my back. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT I SAID FEET!

TP Link:-Sniff- Poor Squirtle...

**Well, there you go. My favorite reviews. By the way everybody, I've gotten over 3000 thousand hits on here!! Keep it up so we can aim for a BILLION!!**


	28. Roleplay Quest Just For You

**Zelda roleplay quest! Try and go claim the triforce and travel across Hyrule!**

Your character has been chosen! You may now go on an adventure! You enter out into the Hyrule fields. Your first opponent is Young Link!

"I challenge you!" the little pervert boy calls out.

(Battle scene commences) Here are your options:

A:Beg that he spares you

B:Start throwing whatever you can reach

C:Focus hard and pray to Din that she makes Young Link burst into flames.

D:Run away screaming like an anime school girl!

**After choosing...**

A:Young Link laughs and shoots you with a slingshot. Try again!

B:Young Link rolls over laughing after you throw mud. Then he stabs you with his dingy Kokiri sword. Try again!

C: You survived this fight! Din merely yawned and Young Link caught fire and turned into a pile of ashes!

D:Young Link hits you with his bommerange and you immediately get knocked out 'cause you're a wuss! Try again!

You now travel across the hot fields and enter Lon Lon ranch. You run into Ingo who throws you in the barn and makes you clean each stall which is filled with piles of cow crap! Here are your options:

A:You clean the stalls and spray them with Febreeze, hoping he'll let you go afterwards.

B:You grab the pitchfork and start poking cows.

C:(If you're a boy) you pray that Malon comes inside so you can make out with her!

D:You start singing with that horrible voice of yours, thinking Ingo will throw you out of the ranch 'cause your singing sucks.

**After choosing...**

A:Ingo throughs you in the loft and locks you in! Now you try and survive on mouse crap but you starve to death anyways! Try again!

B:You did it! Poking the cows with a gigantic fork created a stampede of ticked off cows and they barged down the barn door!

C:Malon does come in and makes you listen to her horrible humming. You later die of old age after becoming deaf. Try again!

D:Still singing after getting thrown out, a whole bunch of crows peck at you 'cause they can't stand your voice! Try again!

Now you got caught in the middle of the raging cows like Mufasa in The Lion King. The stampede carried you to Gerudo Valley where the sexy warrior women dumped you in their dungeon. Here are your options:

A:Start banging on the walls, hoping Midna will magically appear and break you out like in Twilight Princess.

B:You dig your fingers in between the bricks and climb out, hiding in shadows, imagining your Solid Snake or that guy from Splinter Cell.

C:You sit down and cower in the corner 'cause you start hallucinating about giant mice for no apparent reason. Not really an action but who cares!

D:You start flirting with passing guards, thinking your hotter TP Link, and that they'll let you out.

**After choosing...**

A:Wow, it did work! Midna made a mistake and broke you out. Apparently she was hung over from a night of heavy drinking.

B:You get caught 'cause you're NOT Solid Snake. Loser.

C:Actually you WEREN'T hallucinating. There were giant mice and they ate you alive. Haha.

D:The Gerudos threw you in the desert where you melted like that stupid wicked witch of the west.

After escaping the fortress, Midna didn't know the different of OoT timeline and the TP timeline. She teleported you to Hyrule castle where you face up to Ganondorf and of course Zelda is stuck in that stupid, pink jewel thingy. Here are your options:

A:You go Chuck Norris on Ganondorf, or Jack Bauer, or Jack Bristow, or even Bruce Willis. Whatever.

B:You challenge Ganondorf to a poker game. Whoever wins gets the triforce, Hyrule, and gets a date with Zelda. Pfft, who'd wanna date a girl who needs rescuing every five minutes?

C:You start singing old sixties music with that voice of yours.

D:You can't help but point and laugh at Zelda. Well, I would. She's just floating up in the ceiling, useless. Wasn't she better as Sheik?

**After choosing...**

A:You got sued by the the guys you tried being. Now you are so poor you can''t afford to breathe, forget saving Hyrule.

B:Ganondorf cheated at the game and won. But he was kind of nice and let you have the date with Zelda.

C:Ganondorf ended up going crazy from your singing and had to be put in a mental hospitla. Congrats! You won the triforce and saved Hyrule! Yay...

D:You laughed so hard you choke. Wow, Ganondorf didn't even need to move to kill you.

**Yeah, I basicly made fun of you people. Lol. Couldn't help it.**


	29. A Flaw in TP

Quin burst through the front door and entered the living room. "AHA! I have found a flaw in the game Twilight Princess!" she exclaimed.

Midna and Young Link looked up from watching the morning news.

"Oh no! You discovered my love for turkish delights, didn't you?!" Midna screamed.

"What? No!" the Author said, folding her arms.

"Oh well, I was just kidding. Sorry, we watched the new Narnia movies last night. I think I threw up ten times," Midna said, looking back at the tv.

"They were good movies!" Young Link piped up.

"You just have a crush on Susan, or Sue, or Satan. I can't remember the name of that whiny girl," Midna muttered. "I almost gagged on air when they threw out that (SPOILER!) Susan would like Caspian (SPOILER'S OVER!) I mean, why couldn't they leave that to the freakin' fan fictions?!"

"Who cares? And you're distracting the readers from my clever discovery! Where is TP Ganondorf?!" Quin asked.

"He's outside," Young Link answered.

"TP GANONDORF!!" the Author shouted.

The evil king of Twilight Princess entered the house through the sliding glass door. "What?! You interrupted my shuffle board game with OoT Zelda. If I win I get to rule Hyrule for a day!"

"You have walked in and out of this house-" Quin murmured.

"He actually lives here like us," Midna said.

"-but I have discovered your secret!" she continued, ignoring the Twilight Princess.

"What secret could I possibly have?!" he asked, bewildered.

"YOUR EARS!" Quin shrieked, walking torwards him. "I was watching a new music video of Twilight Princess with the song Blow Me Away. And after seeing a close-up of you in the video, I found the flaw of the ages!"

"For Din's sake, just spit it out!" Midna yelled, frustrated.

"Readers, read closely," Quin murmured. "TP Ganondorf's ears are pointed!! Where we all know that Gerudo ears are round like a pip-squeak human. What have you got to say about that?!" Quin shouted, pointing at Ganondorf.

"Umm, that was the game designers. They just told me to roll with it," he admitted.

Mdna raised an eyebrow but looked closely at the evil king. "Oh yeah! His ears _are_ pointed. Well, I guess our game does have a flaw after all."

"Next time I will look through Phantom Hourglass to see if they have any flaws to uncover!" Quin declared.

"We all ready know those flaws. You have to go to the (SPOILER!) Ocean King's temple WAY too much (SPOILER'S OVER!). It's freaking annoying," Young Link pointed out.

"WHATEVER!" she still walked out the door.


	30. Breaking Dawn and Cliffhanger

"It's just not fair!" Quin whined as she sat down on the couch between Midna and OoT Ganondorf.

"What's not fair?" TP Ganondorf asked.

"Breaking Dawn is out and I won't get it until this Wednesday!" the Author cried.

"Breaking Dawn is the last book in the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyers," Midna answered the Evil King's puzzled look.

"Plus, my sis is reading it first!" Quin continued to complain. "I bet everyone is reading but me," she sniffed.

"Oh, quit whining!" Midna shouted. "You'll get it in a few days. Besides, I thought you weren't that big of a fan of romance crap."

"I'm not, it's just the Twilight series I can make en exception," Quin mumbled, wiping her tears away.

"I bet you have a crush on Edward," Midna said grinning.

"_Do not!_" Quin shouted, jumping off the couch. "If you read the series I think you would. Maybe a bloodthirsty vampire turns you on," she snapped angrily.

"Can't be as cool as Voldemort," Midna shrugged.

"I agree. Voldemort is an awesome villian," TP Ganondorf agreed.

"Yes, he is a great guy," Quin sighed. "But I don't do crushes, I hardly ever notice guys at all."

The Twilight Princess rolled her eyes. "Sure you do."

"Midna, I swear to Nayru, I will erase you from the Zelda Mini Madness series if you keep this crap up!" the Author growled warningly.

"Fine. Sheesh, take a chill pill," Midna said.

"Who do you think the cutest Zelda villian is?" TP Ganondorf asked.

"Vaati," both girls answered.

Quin and TP Ganondorf stared at Midna.

"What?!" she asked.

**Cilffhanger:**Midna and Vaati?!

**OoT Link:It's an apocalypse! The end of the world is nigh! RUN!**

**Ilia:That little s--! I was totally going after Vaati.**

**Young Link:Dangit! I was going to ask Midna out... And don't you dare call me a pervert boy!**

**Zant:Crap! Vaati- I mean, uh! I was going to ask **_**Midna**_** out. Um, yeah... Totally... Crap, I blew it, didn't I?**

**Quin:... -No comment-...-Too shocked to say anything-...**


	31. Flaws and Creepy Things

**Flaws and other creepy things found in the games...**

Twilight Princess:Is Link's hair brown or blonde?! The game designers need to make up their minds!!

Ocarina of Time:Why did they add Malon's humming in Lon Lon Ranch track in the soundtrack?

Phantom Hourglass:The graphics were a bit goofy for me, I don't think the Wind Waker graphics belong in a small screened system.

Ocarina of Time:If you look up Dark Link on Google images, this one picture has a really cool picture of him. But I think they should change his name to Emo Link.

Minish Cap:Why is it that when one of the characters are talking they're walking in place? Can't they make up something else that'll tell you who's talking and who's not?

Phantom Hourglass:How the crap do you pronounce that new fairy's name?! Ciela, come on! How're you supposed to figure out how to say that? From now on I'm calling her Celia!!

Phantom Hourglass:(SPOILER!) Why is it that Celia is the Spirit of Courage, but she's yellow?! What the crap?! That doesn't make ANY sense! I think the game designers lost their last marble.

Twilight Princess:Gor Amoto, one of the Goron elders, has STEAM coming out of his back! Are those miniature volcanoes or something?!

Twilight Princess:Dear Din, how many girls did they have to throw in there for the fans to pair Link up with? There's Ilia, Zelda, Midna, Hena, and, umm, Impaz?

Most of them:TINGLE! DEAR DIN, what were the designers smoking when they made him up?!

Ocarina of Time:Um, I'm sure almost all the people who played this game noticed Ganondorf was a little...green. Is he sick or something? Does he have the flu?! OH, MY GOSH! Ganondorf's sick and we sat and played and killed him over and over while he threw UP!...

Ocarina of Time:Navi. Holy crap, why did they make her so annoying?! She must be hyped up on mountain dew or coffee all the time.

**Quin:**Heh... I wonder if the readers found out what cuss word Ilia used in the last mini.

Ilia:I don't even know what cuss word I used in the last mini!


	32. Unanswered Questions

**Some unanswered questions will now be answered for your reading pleasure!**

Question:Is Zant gay?

Zant:What? No! Wait, no? Yes, no!... No.

Quin:That was the only joke I could think of to make you people laugh. But just to make _sure_ he's not gay, we got him in therapy. Actually, Zant's Therapist is the same Therapist as Ganondorf's! So, they're like, therapy buddies now. Lets see a clip...

**"So, between you two, how is your relationship doing?" the Therapist asked.**

**"It's good. I actually sent him a box of chocolates," Ganondorf spoke up first.**

**"I never got any-" Zant began before Ganondorf elbowed him in the ribs.**

Question:Are Midna and Vaati realy dating?

Midna:NO!

Vaati:YES!

Midna:...

Vaati:What?

Quin:To a clip!!

Midna:Clip?!

**"Do you, uh, wanna dance?" Vaati asked.**

**"Do you know I'm three or four heads taller than you?" Midna pointed out.**

Question:Whick Link is the dumbest?

Quin:Well, we got OoT and TP Link in a game show. Lets watch!

**"TP Link, what's twelve by pies?" the gameshow host asked. (That question is from Strong Bad! Don't give me any credit, people).**

**"Um, twelves pies?" TP Link replied doubtingly.**

**"I know! Twelves cakes!" OoT Link exclaimed.**

Quin:I think they're about the same.

Question:Is Dark Link emo?

Quin:Well, lets check out his profile.

**Name:Dark Link**

**Nickname:Dark**

**Favorite band:Linkin Park**

**Favorite clothes:My black tunic**

**Hair color:Grey**

**Eye color:Red**

**Favorite fantasy being:Vampire**

**Favorite color:Black**

**Skin tone:Grey**

Quin:Um, I think that profile pretty much sums it up.

Dark Link:I hate you.

Quin:Shut up, Emo Boy.


	33. Spoilers!

**I'm sure you are all familiar with adamwestlapdog's abridged series of Ocarina of Time. It took off with great comments and reviews (same thing, really!) Now that it has come to an end I'm sure you're all begging him to start a new one. **

**I've seen his faq video and I think we should take it easy on him about him making another abridged series. I'm not trying to be mean, I just think we should be patient. **

**But it'll be worth the wait, people! I'm sure Majora's Mask abridged will be awesome. **

**Now for your daily Zelda Mini Madness all ready in progress...**

"I'm just saying the book was disappointing," Quin said.

OoT Zelda, TP Zelda, Midna, OoT Ruto, and the Author all were swimming in the big pool in the backyard. Each had finished the Twilight series.

**By the way, this has spoilers of the characters discussing the book. It also will contain spoilers in the Harry Potter series. Don't strangle me! I'm just stating my opinion, viewers. You all still love me, right?... Right...?**

"All I'm saying that in the end of the Harry Potter book seven a big, huge battle broke out and quite a few characters died. In Breaking Dawn everyone was safe and it all ended happily ever after. It's completely unreal!" the Author shouted.

"Well, it is a fiction book, Quin," Midna pointed out.

"I'm just saying life never plays out like that. There are hardly any happily ever afters," Quin muttered.

"You should really let go of the past," TP Zelda mumbled.

"Keep my personal life out of this!" Quin shrieked, splashing water at the princess.

"So, what was your favorite book?" OoT Zelda asked.

"Twilight."

"Twilight."

"Twilight."

"Twilight."

"You're so sexy."

"Young Link!" OoT Ruto screamed.

Young Link smirked as he stood at the edge of the pool. "Hey ladys," he said, flexing his arms. He was wearing a green swimsuit.

"Get out of here, you pervet brat," Midna growled.

"Young Link, you're like Todd from Scrubs," OoT Zelda said in disgust.

"High five!" Young Link shouted happily, raising his hand.

"Author, can't you erase him or something?" OoT Ruto asked.

"Yeah, I just gotta grab my laptop," Quin snickered.

"Okay! I'm leaving. _Sheesh!_" Young Link ran back into the house, heated.

"Why did you make him a pervert?" Midna asked sighing.

"It just fit!" Quin exclaimed.


	34. Punishment and Who Would Win!

**PUNISHMENT TIME!!**

KyrieFalcon (Did I spell that right?) said in the review that Young Link should be punished. I shall list a few ways we can punish the pervert boy. Lets get started!

**A:**We could lock him in a room with a whole bunch of Queen gohma's baby bugs with only a Deku Stick to defend himself with.

**B:**We could make him live with Tingle for a year.

**C:**We could make him marry OoT AdultRuto for five years. That should change his mind about women...maybe...

**D:** We could push him in the pool and throw a plugged in toaster in, too.

**You decide! Now for something completely different! Who would in a fight?!**

Shad vs. TP Zelda.

"Aren't I a pacifist or something?" Shad asked, as he stepped out into the battle arena.

"You're something babies suck on?! TP Link yelled from the stands. **(That joke is from Red vs. Blue, I absolutely love that series so I couldn't help myself!)**

"Don't I have a kingdom to run?" TP Zelda asked.

"Shut up and fight!!" some random Gerudo guard shouted.

Midna vs. Ilia.

"You're going down, Country Girl!" Midna declared.

"Whoever wins gets to marry TP Link!" Ilia screamed back.

"Nevermind. I quit!" The Twilight Princess walked away.

"What just happened?"

WW Ganondorf vs. Cucco Link

"You're a freakin' cucco? We don't even have cuccos in my game! Therefore, you can't hurt me!" the Evil King shouted.

"...Crap," Cucco Link muttered.

"TP Ganondorf, why are you hiding under the bench?" Quin asked, looking down at the cowering Gerudo King.

MM Tingle vs. WW Tingle

"Whose idea was this?" Quin asked, chewing down a hotdog.

"I don't know, but I don't think I can handle two Tingles' at the same time," Midna said.

"Oompa, you look just like me, loompa!" MM Tingle said cheerfully.

"With my Tingle Tuner you shall go down!" WW Tingle shrieked.

"What's a Tingle Tuner?" OoT Link asked.

"Probably a radar that tracks down other gay fairies," Midna muttered in reply.

The Author vs. OoT Ruto

"Is this even fair? I could erase you just by winking!" Quin exclaimed.

"Oh, yeah?! Well, taste my fish-fu!" Ruto yelled.

"Fish-fu?! You mean...kung-fu?" Quin asked, baffled.

"NO! Now using my ultimate powers I shall summon your doom!" Ruto shouted.

"Oh, crap. Is this good or bad?" The Author asked.

In a big poof of smoke, Lord Jabu-Jabu appeared.

"That's it? You summoned a freakin' fish out of WATER!" Quin exclaimed.

"Oh, woops..."


	35. I'm so sorry!

The Author, Midna, TP Ganondorf, OoT Anju, TP Zelda, and OoT Link all sat around a large table at Telma's. Each had their own drinks and some kind of food.

Quin cried into her huge glass of Grape soda. "They all hate me now!"

"Ugh, please stop crying. I've all ready taken a dozen Advil," Midna said, rubbing her temples.

"Why is she crying, again?" TP Zelda asked.

"M-my fans hate me 'cause I haven't updated in so long. I should be stoned to death!" Quin sobbed.

"Oh, puh-lease! How could they stone you, anyways? They don't even know where you live!" TP Ganondorf pointed out. "And plus if you die, then how will you make more minis?"

"Maybe you can make it up to them?" OoT Anju suggested, biting into her drumstick.

"I-I guess I could," the Author sniffed.

"Good, now make a promise you'll make a lot of minis today," TP Zelda said.

"Okay. I'm gonna go home and start working on it," Quin said, wiping away her tears. She stood up and left the bar.

"I'm not even sure why I'm here," OoT Link said.

"Because you're the one paying for all of this. Now fork of the rupees, Hero-boy!" Midna snarled.

**I promise I'll start typing as fast as I can! Expect a great many minis today!! Please don't stone me! **


	36. HFC

"Welcome to HFC, may I take your order?"

Quin, OoT Link, and TP Ganondorf walked up to the counter, looking up at the menu.

"Um, WW Tetra, why are you working here?" Quin asked, looking down at the cartoony, pirate girl.

"Because my game's over, and everyone is forgetting about Wind Waker, and buying Twilight Princess." WW Tetra throwing an angry glare at TP Ganondorf.

"What?!" he asked.

"What does HFC stand for anyway?" OoT Link asked.

"Hyrule Fried Cucco. Now please just order something!" she shouted.

"Okay, jeez. But...I thought cuccos were immortal. How did you cook them?" Quin asked.

"That's, uhh, a worker's trade secret," WW Tetra mumbled, looking away.

"Ugh! You mean, they aren't really dead?! You just serve them alive still?!" Quin exclaimed, taking a step back.

"Shh! OoT Anju will hear you!" WW Tetra hissed. "If you won't get anything then leave."

"I'll have the kid's meal, with a small cup. And can I pick the toy?! I want the plastic Master Sword," OoT Link said.

WW Tetra pressed a few buttons. "And you?" she turned to the Evil King.

"Um, I'm not so sure anymore. I suddenly don't feel very hungry..." he mumbled.

"I'll just find us a table, we'll stop by Dairy Queen later today," Quin muttered.

**Later...**

"Hey! This is the Wind Waker version!" OoT Link yelled, taking up the plastic sword that was the size of his middle finger. "I demand a refund!"

"You don't pay money for those plastic, pieces of crap, they call toys these days, idiot," the Author said.

"But I wanted the version from my game," he whined.

TP Ganondorf groaned. "Just shut up and eat before I start force feeding you again."

"Holy crap! Is that Midna and Vaati?!" Quin asked, staring out of the glass window, seeing the expensive car roll into the parking lot. "Heh, they dare go on a date where they'll be seen?"

"Well, you practicly made a public anouncment about their relationship. Does it even matter anymore?" TP Ganondorf pointed out, grinning.

"True," she murmured.

Midna and Vaati entered the fastfood restraunt, they sat down in the booth across from the three, with their food, and drinks.

"Hey, Midna," OoT Link said, waving.

The Twilight Princess ignored him.

"Hellooooo!" He jumped up and down in his seat.

"Hey, Midna," Quin said.

"Oh, hey, Author. Didn't know you were here," Midna said, looking in their direction.

"I said hi, too!" the Hero of Time grumbled.

"She's ignoring you because you're an idiot," TP Ganondorf said.

"Yeah?! Well, I'll defeat you in a brawl with my new sword!" he yelled, taking up the plastic WW sword.

"Okay!" TP Ganondorf took out his huge, REAL sword.

"Take it outside, you dorks," the Author muttered. "And fifty rupees on Link."

"You're betting on him?!"

"Well, duh! You always get your butt whipped no matter what!"


	37. You've Read Too Much ZMM

**You know you've read to much Zelda Mini Madness when...**

1:You start checking your closet for Tingle

2:You start arguing with the characters whenever you play the games

3:You start rereading the minis a billion times

4:You start staring at your computer, waiting for Quin to update

5:You start thinking the minis are almost as addicting as Krabby Patties

6:You throw a hissy fit if Quin didn't update for another day

7:You actually want to go to HFC for their fried cucco

8:You start imagining that you had to go to the hopsital to get a new liver, then you find out Ganondorf is the only available surgeon for the night

9:You demand that Quin enable her PM so you can bug her into making the minis faster

10:You actually start hating fangirls... Please?

11:You start to realize that Ilia is a stupid (insert cuss word), (insert more cuss words), and (insert cuss words)

13:You start to to think that Cucco Link should be a playable character in the games.

14:You realize that there was no #12

15:You go back then read this, now I command you to laugh! Laugh dangit!

**Didja have fun? Good!**


	38. Everyone's Blogs

TP Ganondorf's blog

Mood:Sad.

Today, after therapy, I went to Starbucks. Like always, everyone ran away screaming. So I ended up going to the Author's house, ate raw cookie dough, and watched Gilmore Girls. -Sniff- I just...wish people would like me for who I am! Not for what my career is!

Young Link's blog

Mood:Demanding.

When I heard about The Todd from Scrubs, well I just have to start asking everybody to call me The Young Link. But they just laughed and called me Pervert Boy! It sounds like a super hero name, I don't like super heroes! You peeps better start calling me The Young Link or I'll steal your girlfriends with my smexiness!

Midna's blog

Mood:Ticked.

I hate fanboys.

OoT Link's blog

Mood:souper!

evrione sed i wuz 2 dum 2 make a blog wel ges wat!

Quin's blog

Mood:Awesome.

Over 5000 hits on Zelda Mini Madness, people! And did OoT Link make a blog, yet? 'Cause I bet against Midna that he could do it... P.S.I helped him make it. Don't tell her!

Midna's blog

Mood:EXTREMELY ticked.

THE AUTHOR DID WHAT?!

WW Tetra's blog

Mood:Mad.

I hate my job. Anyone who calls me 'cartoony' is gonna get to meet the end of my hand to the end of their rear!

The Young Link's blog

Mood:Happy.

Cartoony! Cartoony!


	39. Tingle Hunt!

**It's time to play 'Tingle Hunt!' Only available for the NES. Choose your weapon!**

1:Dull sword, good for wacking, not so good at slashing.

2:Giant fly swatter, good for hunting down fairies...or atleast people who think they're fairies.

3:Rocket laungher, it doesn't really shoot rockets, more like evil, man eating rabbits, which is obviously good enough.

4:Fire breathing turtle, be sure to pack a leash and some treats, or you'll end up being the treats!

5:A plastic revolver, probably stolen from Clue, the boardgame.

6:A Linkin Park CD, it might make your enemies depressed and commit suicide. (Not that I don't love his music, I'm just saying...)

7:Bag of sugar, go hyper, go crazy, then drive your enemies crazy. Not that you are not all ready crazy...

**Now that you've chosen your weapon, it's time to go a huntin'! You're on Level 1, go find Tingle, kill him, then go 2 level 2! There are a total of 3 levels. Do your best!**

You're first area is Kakriko village, the Twilight Princess version. Choose which places you want to look for Tingle...

1:Graveyard

2:Inn

3:Malo's shop

4:Bomb shop

5:The basement in that one place.

After choosing...

Graveyard:All you found was a skeleton of a Zora, for some reason it reminds you of Ruto... Try again!

Inn:Nothing but unused beds with dust on top. Dang, the innkeeper here (forgot his name) must be poor! Try again.

Malo's shop:Tingle's not here, I guess he did his shopping last weekend. Try again.

Bomb shop:No one here. You'd think Tingle would've like some bombs. Try again.

The basement:Aha! He was hiding in here all along! You easily kill him with your chosen weapon, but not until you got over that creepy stare he gave you...

**Level 2!:** Your next area brings you to Lon Lon Ranch, Ocarina of Time's version. Lets see where Tingle is hiding this time!

1:Barn

2:House

3:Arena

4:The one place in the back of the ranch

5:In the closet that's in the house on the top floor

After choosing...

Barn:Just annoying cows. You try and get some free milk, but end up getting a free hoof in the pants. Try again.

House:No Tingle. But after stepping accidently on each cucco, you barely escape their evilness... Try again.

Arena:You don't even have to go in! You peer through the gates, nothing but find out the mare near you is in season, then a stallion gallops up, and headbutts you. Ouch. Try again.

That one place:He was hiding in the spot where you find the heartpiece! He still manages to paralyzes you from the waist down from taking a step near you. But you soon get over it, realizing that Tingle is real and is nothing like Samara in the Ring. Good job!

In the closet:Hmm, I guess Tingle doesn't their closet, just yours. Try again.

**Level 3!: **Your next area is your house! Good luck with the last round...

1:Under your bed

2:Your closet

3:In the bathroom's shower

4:Under the kitchen sink

5:Behind you...

After choosing...

Under your bed:Holy crap! I guess he was the monsters hiding under your bed at night when you were a kid. Good job, detective!

Your closet:Nope. Just a small pile of crap in the corner, he probably only lived in there for a while. Try again.

Shower:Nothing, but you did notice your 35 dollars worth of shampoo is missing. I guess Tingle has a lot of hair under that outfit. Try again.

Under the kitchen sink:Nothing, just a pile of dead, half eaten rats. Try again.

Behind you:Nothing but your shadow, which is trying to escape...

Congrats on finding and killing Tingle! Your prize is...Tingle's corpse being stuffed, glued to your bedroom's floor, so then you can NEVER move it out! Mwahahahahahaha!!


	40. Pet Day

**It's Pet Day! Well, for an excuse to make a mini pretend it's Pet Day.**

Midna's pet:

Species:Hylian

Name:MC Link

MC Link:How did you talk me into this?

Midna:Shut up, I didn't want to buy an actual pet. Now bark!

Mc Link:Woof.

TP Link's pet:

Species:Horse

Name:Epona

Epona:I hate you.

TP Link:You can talk?!

Epona:Yes. But you know what? I am so sick of you pushing me around like some kind of slave! You wanna know what else I can do?

Epona's pet:

Species:Moron

Name:TP Idiot.

TP Idiot (Link):That's not funny!

Epona:I will start abusing you, you stupid boy!

Quin's pet:

Species:Dodongo

Name:Rocky

WW Ganondorf:How did you tame that thing?

Quin:Who said it was tamed?

WW Ganondorf:You did remember to feed it, right?

Quin:Pfft, I don't need to feed it! It hunts for itself.

WW Ganondorf:I'm gonna go call animal control. Atleast Young Link has his pet controlled!

Young Link's pet:

Species:Gohma

Name:Queen Gohma

Young Link:Sit! Sit, girl!

Queen Gohma:-Egg pops out-

Young Link:BAD! Bad girl! Who said you could reproduce?! -Takes out bug spray-

Queen Gohma:-Screeches and tugs against leash-


	41. School Enrolling

"What are you filling out?" Midna asked the Author, who was sitting on the couch with a ton of papers on her lap.

"I'm enrolling you characters in high school," Quin replied, grinning.

"What?! I don't need to go to school!" Midna exclaimed angrily, grabbing the tv remote and switching it on.

"Um, if you haven't noticed, I'm trying to write a book. It's be nice to have some peace and quiet, and maybe TP and OoT Links' will be a bit smarter," Quin snapped back.

"Yeah, like _that_ could ever happen. The game designers gave them NO personality, so they'll be stupid and idiotic forever," Midna pointed out.

"Well, if that's the case, they won't go to school. The rest of you characters can," the Author replied smugly.

"ARGH! You can't do this to me! You're not even our mother," Midna shouted.

"But I am the Author," Quin corrected. "Now, I wonder when the best time to take you all out school shopping..."

**So, as you can see, all of you readers aren't alone in suffering of going back to school. Wondering who their teachers are gonna be? Who's gonna cheat? Who's gonna ask who the dances? Find out and MORE when we return from this comercial...**

Cucco chick:There ain't no ticks on me, there ain't no ticks on me! There maybe ticks on other chicks, but there ain't no ticks on MEEEEEEE!

Side effects:Immortality, the ability to fly, and the urge to kill green clothed males.

**Welcome back to your ZMM, which is all ready in progress.**

"I thought we were gonna go to Hyrule's Fashion Gallery!" OoT Zelda wailed, as they trailed down some cheap store aisle.

"NO! Now go pick out a back pack," Quin snapped, who was pushing the huge cart. "And get out Young Link! You're not a baby anymore."

"Never was one," he corrected, jumping out of the cart.

TP Zelda squeals. "They have Jonas brothers back packs!" She ran for the bags.

"They even freaking think about it! Anyone who dares to bring in any Disney Channel merchandise in my house, is gonna get ripped to shreds, and have their stuff sold on Ebay!" Quin yelled.

"I still can't believe you're making us go to school," Midna grumbled, grabbing a black bag with flames.

"Oh, quit your whining. I'm sure it's not gonna be that bad," TP Ganondorf said, looking at his own bags.

"Well, you're saying! The Author's lucky, she's still being home schooled!" Midna snapped.

"Heh, yup. Sucks to be you guys," Quin snickered.


	42. More!

"Okay, we've got more of those "how would you react" memo cards," Quin said, sitting at a large, round table in Telma's bar.

"Do you think the Author is just doing this because she can't think of another mini?" WW Ganondorf said under his breath.

Midna and WW Tetra shook with laughter, they were each sitting on either of his side.

"I heard that!" Quin snapped angrily, taking up a pile of small cards. "Anyways, here's our first question."

**How would you react if you heard there wasn't going to be anymore Zelda games?**

"I think I would kill the game designers," Quin answered.

"No kidding! What career would I have if they didn't make more games?" TP Link asked, terrified.

"I would just look at those career choices in that one mini, maybe being a surgeon wouldn't be so bad," TP Ganondorf said thoughtfully.

"I don't think I could imagine you cutting into people," WW Tetra said.

"I could," everyone else spoke up.

"Next question," Quin said, taking up another memo.

**How would you react if you were being forced to enroll into a school?**

"I would pour milk in that person's bed," Midna growled.

"Wait...I forced you to enroll in a school!" Quin exclaimed.

"Um..." Midna mumbled, looking away.

"Oh, you little-!"

**Psssshhhhhh! We are currently experiencing difficulties with this mini. Please hold while we deal with these problems...**

"Now, lets continue," Quin muttered, taking another memo.

"Is it safe to look?" TP Link asked, who was covering his eyes with his hands.

"Yes, you big baby," the Author said.

"Um, where is exactly did you send Midna?" WW Ganondorf asked, glancing at the Twilight Princess's empty chair.

"If you must know she's in the sacred realm and she's not getting out until the game designers make an insane idea for the next Zelda game," Quin said grinning. "Now, the next memo..."

**How would you react if you were sent to the sacred realm until the newest Zelda game?**

"I think I would go completely insane," TP Link said, shaking his head.

"You're all ready insane," WW Tetra corrected.

"Like the readers didn't see that joke a million miles away." WW Ganondorf said under his breath.

"Shut up! One more then we're done," Quin snapped, grabbing another card.

**How would you react if Quintaso stopped making Zelda Mini Madness?**

"Um, who wrote that one?" the Author asked.


	43. WereLink

"Hey, I just thought of something," Quin murmured, nibbling on her breadstick.

The Author and a few of the Zelda characters were at HFC. OoT Anju decided to spread out their food and drink choice other then just having live, fried cuccos.

"Other then just finding out Twilight the movie doesn't come out until December, what now?" Midna asked, taking a huge chunk of her cucco drumstick.

"Shut up, this isn't about any stupid movie, it's about TP Link," Quin snapped, putting down her breadstick and taking a sip of her large soda.

"I'm telling you OoT Link, my Master Sword version is way better then your Wind Waker version," TP Link insisted, as he and OoT Link fought with their plastic swords.

"Hey, moronic moron number 2, the Author is talking about you!" WW Ganondorf said.

"Which one of us is number 2?" OoT Link asked.

"You're number 1 since your game is older," WW Ganondorf answered.

"Wait, even though we're designed to be 17, he's techincally older than me?" TP Link asked.

"Yeah, I guess you could say so," TP Zelda said thoughtfully.

"So, I'm older than you, too, but you look older than _me!_" OoT Zelda said to TP Zelda.

"Was that a compliment or an insult?" she asked.

"Um, insult, I'm guessing."

"Hey, girly girls, shut up! I'm trying to make a point in this effing mini!" Quin shouted, getting frustrated.

"All right, spit it out then!" both of the princesses yelled back.

"TP Link, if you get turned into a wolf everytime you come in contact with Twilight, does that make you a werewolf?" the Author asked.

"Um, I dunno," he replied, shrugging.

"Well, lets let the readers decide! Is Link a werewolf?" Quin asked to really no one.

"Uh, has the Author gone crazy? Who is she talking to?" OoT Link pointed out, an eyebrow raising.

"You know, if he is one, we should start calling him wereLink," Midna snickered.


	44. Spin that Bottle!

"I'm ba-a-a-ack!" Quin sang, walking into the living room through the front door. Her arms were filled with grocery bags.

"No one cares!" Midna muttered. She, WW Tetra, Vaati, and Dark Link were sitting on the floor, they formed a square the way they were sitting.

"What are you guys doing?" the Author asked, setting down the bags on the kitchen counter.

"Um, nothing!" WW Tetra said, hiding something behind her.

"Wait, four people, sitting on the floor... UGH! You characters are playing 'spin the bottle', aren't you?!" she asked, extremely disgusted.

"Well, we _were_, until you showed up," Dark Link sighed.

**Many hours and beggings later...**

"I can't believe you talked me into this," Quin grumbled.

"All right, Midna, if you please?" Vaati asked.

Almost all the Zelda characters formed a tight circle, a small, empty beer bottled lay in the middle.

Midna leaned forward and spun the bottle.

"Just be thankful Young Link isn't here," WW Ganondorf pointed out.

The bottle stopped in between OoT Link and Ilia. They both stood up and walked back inside, leaving the group out on the lawn waiting.

"Why are we all doing this again?" Komali asked.

"I dunno, because a voice inside my head told me to," Midna replied.

"Seriously?!" the prince asked.

"No, you idiot! Now just shut up, sit tight, and quit flapping your gums, before I glue them shut!" the Twilight Princess snapped.

"You people disgust me. I am _so_ leaving," TP Epona snorted, trotting out of the yard.

"Who invited her?" TP Ganondorf asked.

"Ilia," almost everyone replied.

"Ugh! That was awful!" OoT Link said, running back outside followed by Ilia.

"Sorry!" the whiny girl mumbled.

"What happened?" Vaati asked, puzzled.

"She uses one of those toothbrushes that plays music, I could hear country music coming from her mouth!" OoT Link shouted.

"Just spin the bottle again, Midna," Quin muttered. "I wanna get this over with."

The Twili ruler spun it again.

It stopped inbetween TP Ganondorf and TP Link.

"This game is just wrong," Komali said.

**Okay, for some reason, I began picturing the characters playing this game.**


	45. Movie Preview

**Preview for the Legend of Zelda movie! Warning, this may or may not be a joke, or fan made, so please don't get excited as if your birthday is tomorrow! **

**Rated G for being a movie based on a popular 'G'aming series**

**Viewer discretion is advised if you are a fangirl, please don't sue us if the actor for Link isn't hot, sexy, or all together hoxy.**

OoT's 'Zelda's Main Theme' song plays

Narrator:The sun sets upon Hyrule once again...

-Screen is dark, footsteps are head-

Narrator:But of course, as an excuse the Director of this movie made up, the evil Gerudo King is up to no good...

-Screen still black-

Ganondorf:The Triforce shaped cookies shall be mine! -Commence evil laughter which fades-

-Screen shows Lost Woods, live action characters of Saria and Link are there sitting at a spring-

Saria:Link, have you ever heard of the Triforce shaped cookies?

Link:No, I haven't.

-Screen fades into black, now shows Princess Zelda walking into Link's treehouse-

Zelda:Link, show me your hand.

Link:-Lifts up right hand-

Zelda:Your other hand, you moron!

Link:-Lifts up left hand, Triforce shaped cookie is there- -Gasps- I have the cookie!

Zelda:Yes, you are one of the three puny mortals the great Goddess Cooks have chosen to guard one of their most famous cookie recipes. I am one, too. Together, we must bring down Ganondorf before he possess the rest of the Triforce shaped cookies.

-Screen fades and shows Link and Ganondorf in Ganon's tower-

Ganondorf:Give me that cookie!

Link:NEVER! This freshly baked, sugar cookie that includes semi-sweet chocolate chips will never fall into your greedy, cookie monstery hands!

-Screen fades into black-

Legend of the Triforce shaped cookies! Now coming to a theater near you.

Actors and actresses.

Link:Owen Wilson.

Ganondorf:Morgan Freeman.

Zelda:Nicole Kidman.

Navi:Hitler.

Epona:Will Smith.

Saria:Rachel McAdams.

Dark Link:Cillian Murphy.

**Sitting in the movie theater...**

"See? I told you we should've seen 'MAMA MIA!', but no...you had to watch 'Batman' again!" OoT Zelda said.

"Shut up, it was just a preview, it's not like it's gonna go on again," Quin snapped, now recovering from shock.

"I'm hungry now," TP Link mumbled.

"Oh, dear Din," Midna muttered, shaking her head.

"Best. Movie. Preview. Ever!" OoT Link shouted.


	46. Madness!

"AHHHHHH!"

"What the crap was that?" Vaati asked, looking up at the ceiling as he sat down on the couch.

"Um, I might've switched the bodies of Dark Link and TP Link," Quin mumbled, beginning the play Gauntlet on the huge tv.

"May I ask why?"

"Just for fun!" she replied grinning.

"Or because you can't think of a reason to make a mini?" he pointed out, smirking.

"Shut up! It's been a while and I'm on a roll of NOT getting hate reviews," the Author snapped.

**Now for something completely different! **

**It's time for me to take awesome things from books, movies, and ect, and turn them into Zelda stuff! Hahahahahahahahaha! I hope I don't get sued...**

Zelda'mon!

"Each Kokiri has his or her's own guardian pokemon. But there is one boy who does not have one," the Great Deku Tree said.

...

OoT Link plays Eponyta's song to a Miltank.

DA NA NA NAAAAAAAAA! You recieved a bottle of Lon Moo Milk!

...

Link Bad!

"Checkin' my mail, checkin' my mail..." Link grabs the letter and opens it.

Dear Link Bad,

How do you type with that hat on your head?

Sincerely,

Yo momma.

"What?! That doesn't make any sense!" Link shouts.

...

20 Triforce!

"Tell me where Zelda is!" Link shouts.

"You only have 24 hours!" Ganondorf yells, laughing like a maniac over the phone.

...

Zelda Wars!

"Zelda never told you what happened to your father, Link!" Ganondorf yelled.

"She told me enough! She told me you killed him!" Link said.

"No, Link, I am your father!" the Evil Sith shouted.

"No, th-that's impossible!" Link shouted, shocked.

"Search your feelings you no it to be true!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

...

Zelda Trek!

"The Gerudos are hitting us hard, Captain Lincard!" Navi shouted.

"The phasers are at the ready, Captian!" Zelda said.

"Make it so, Number 1!" Captain Lincard commanded.

...

"Author, this is madness!" Midna yelled.

"No, Midna, this is _Zelda Mini Madness!_" Mini Quin said.


	47. Worst Nightmare Ever

**For Kyriefalcon! Haha, keep on giving me ideas people, I can use them. I'm afraid one day I'll run out of ideas... SO FIRE THEM AT ME! Go ahead! Load those ideas up in a cannon and shoot 'em at me! I'll be waiting!**

* * *

"Hey, TP Link, catch!" Quin shouted, throwing the Twilight book at him.

It it him in the head and he immediately changed into a wolf. "_ARGH! I told you to stop doing that!_" he howled.

"Wow, I owe Kyriefalcon for that idea. I am _never_ gonna get tired of this," the Author laughed.

"_Where's my Master Sword?!_" TP Link growled, running up the stairs.

* * *

"Die, cow! DIE!" Midna shouted, pounding the buttons on the Nintendo 64's controller.

"You are an evil person," TP Link murmured, as she watched Midna's character beating the cow with a hoe.

"Hey, TP Link, CATCH!" Quin yelled.

"AHH! STAY AWAY FROM ME!" he shrieked, running into the sliding glass door and falling to the floor, he was knocked out cold.

"Wow, we should've filmed that and sent it to AFV," the Author mumbled. "Plus I didn't even have the book with me!"

**Later that night...**

A piercing scream was heard upstairs.

Midna, Dark Link, and TP Ganondorf rushed into the hallway on the second floor.

Quin burst out of her room, her face filled with shock. "Th-that was the most horrifying dream ever!"

"What was it about that just had to wake me up?" Midna asked, yawning.

"I dreamt that I accidently deleted Zelda Mini Madness and all my fans burned my house down, then _danced_ on top of my corpse!" the frightened teenaged girl said.

"Um, I'm at a complete loss for words," Dark Link mumbled.

"Maybe you shouldn't watch scary movies before going to bed then!" TP Ganondorf snapped, rubbing his tired eyes.

**Well, I didn't have a dream like that, but I did have a dream where my mom bought us a Wii, but it had no games...**

* * *

P.S.Today, I spent most of my time spell checking all of those minis! So, everything should be okay, even the one small detail in "Cut Scenes" where I fixed the part where OoT Link and Zelda are doing a scene. Be proud of me! It took a long freaking time! Lol.


	48. Guess! Guess!

_'The shadows flickered like candlelit flames, they were being fed off of the light the screen of the laptop gave off. The room was dark, the window open, letting in the cool breezes of night time. _

_My eye lids were heavy, three empty cans of the famous soda 'Mountain Dew' stood on the desk, it was easy to tell I was hyped up on pop._

_But nothing mattered at this very minute, not even the fact that school was the next day, I couldn't help but flashed my fingers across the keyboard with blinding speed. _

_But only too soon the words that had been pulled together would be erased and replaced with new ones. This story couldn't be complete until I would be given all the creations of the 'Legend of Zelda' series, but no matter, I wanted so deeply just to see how I could start it._

_Who would be in it, what would be in it. Those question could be answered simply. Everything and everyone would be in it. The imagination that was poured into the wonderful games would soon be plucked into one of the largest fan fictions of all times._

_No, it wouldn't just be one story, it would be a series.' _

"Um, why did you write that?" Midna asked.

"Because I felt like it, that's why," Quin snapped. "Plus I wanna see if the readers know what I'm talking about."

"They're gonna be disappointed."

"How's that?"

"There's no humor in this mini!" the Twilight Princess hissed.

"Oh, um..."

**Watch a clip of where TimelessParodies and Legend of Zelda 4 life duke it out for Dark Link!**

"I hate you, Author," Dark Link snarled.

"Shut up. To the battle arena!" Quin shouted.


	49. More Versus

**More versus as Super Dragon requested!**

TP Link vs. WW Link

TP Link:HA! Your cartoony graphics are no match for my awesome graphics!

WW Link:My dear, _stupid hero_, I looked up online and found your one, true weakness!

Quin:Actually, I told you! -yelling from the stands-

WW Link:MOMENT RUINER! Anyways, I have my chosen weapon! -Takes out Twilight book-

TP Link:...I hate you all.

Midna vs Ilia...again!

Midna:Okay, this time, you're going down, cowgirl!

Ilia:Oh, yeah?! Well, prepare for your doom, because OoT _adult_ Ruto taught me how to summon! Come, my farm companion!!

Cow appears.

Midna:Well, I guess I won't have to order dinner for a week. Anyways, taste this! -Brings out flamethrower.

Ilia screeches:I have to use my ultimate weapon then! -Brings out CD player and plays country music full volume-

Midna smashes CD player:HA!

Ilia:SUMMON!

Cuccos appear.

Midna:Um... Hey, Ilia, I bet you can get TP Link to marry you if you wear a green tunic.

Ilia:SWEET! -Puts on tunic-

Cuccos attack Ilia.

Midna:Sucka!

TP Zelda vs. OoT Zelda. **Hope you finished Ocarina of Time, 'cause this has spoilers!**

OoT Zelda:Oh, you are _so_ going down!

TP Zelda:What're you gonna do? Dress up as guy?

OoT Zelda:THAT'S IT! -Changes into Sheik.

TP Zelda:Well, are you gonna attack me or what?

Shiek:-Takes out harp and plays-

TP Zelda:Is that all you got?

Shiek:Um, yeah.

TP Zelda:Well, all I can do is let a sword fall to the ground.

Durania:Whose idea was this? -In the stands, eating, um, Rock Skittles-

Quin:Shut up. We got one more battle, hopefully this'll be good.

OoT Link vs. TP Link!!

Durania:I hate you.

Dark Link:I hate her, too!

Quin:Shove it, Emo Link!

OoT Link:Aha! Now, I have the chance to show that Ocarina of Time is best video game of all time!

TP Link:HA! I'd like to see you try. Twilight Princess has better graphics, better characters, better weapons, better graphics, better, um, graphics?

OoT Link:Well, I'll defeat you with the unlimited magic of my fangirls! ATTACK!

A billion girls run into the arena.

TP Link:ATTACK, TOO, MY FANGIRLS!

A billion more girls come in.

Midna:What's wrong with the Author? Is she having a seizure?

TP Ganondorf:Probably too many fangirls at once.

Quin:Must...kill...Too...many...!


	50. He'll die soon

**In edition to our fiftyth mini -yay!- we shall now punish Young Link! Also because Super Dragon pointed it out.**

A:We could lock him in a room with a whole bunch of Queen gohma's baby bugs with only a Deku Stick to defend himself with.

Quin pushed Young Link into a warehouse and locked the door. "Done!"

Inside the warehouse...

Young Link from his Deku Stick, to the Gohma babies. "Um, you're mom didn't happen to tell you that I sprayed her with bug spray, right?... Heh, um, what're you doing?"

Outside...

"AHHHHHH! LET ME OUT! NO! **(Bad pun alert!)** NO, THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BEND THAT WAY!" you hear Young Link scream inside.

"What are they doing other then the usual attack they have in the game?" Quin asked, leaning on the warehouse.

"We pumped them up on speed," Midna replied smugly.

"SINCE WHEN DID THEY LEARN HOW TO BREATHE FIRE?!" you hear Pervert Boy screech.

Quin looked at the Twilight Princess with an eyebrow up.

"Obviously an unknown side effect of the drugs," she said shrugging.

B:We could make him live with Tingle for a year.

Young Link stood in the middle of the apartment, which smelled like peppermint, tobacco, and cheap beer. "Um, I'm home?"

"Good! We were just getting ready to celebrate Tuesday by watching Peter Pan a billion times and decorate the place with Tinker Bell stuff!" MM Tingle said happily, bouncing into the room.

Young Link faints.

C:We could make him marry OoT Adult Ruto for five years. That should change his mind about women...maybe...

_Five years later..._

"So, how's being married to OoT Ruto been going?" Quin asked, sitting in their living room.

"She's pregnant with triplets, what do you think?!" Young Link shrieked. "And they aren't even mine!"

"Honey bunches, you forgot to feed our children again!" OoT Ruto shouted from the kitchen, where the smell of burnt shark was coming from.

Young Link muttered something under his breath and went up to a fifty gallon tank and dropped a Deku Scrub in it.

Seven tiny Rutos' that look a lot like tadpoles come out of nowhere and ate the Deku scrub...alive.

Quin stared at the tank with wide eyes. "Maybe I should come sometime later."

D:We could push him in the pool and throw a plugged in toaster in, too.

Quin pushes Young Link in the pool. "Where's the toaster?!" she yells.

"The plug doesn't go that far!" Midna cried from inside the house.

"DANGIT!"

"You know you pushed me int he three feet zone, right?" Young Link pointed out, standing up in the water.

"Shut up, you're gonna die soon once we find a longer cord," the Autor snapped.


	51. I Really Hate Pirates

"Midna, where have you been?! I've been waiting all night and half of the day for you!" Quin shouted once she saw the Twilight Princess enter through the front door.

"Um, first of all, you're not my mother! Besides I was buying a business," she snapped, closing the door behind her and entering the kitchen, which was, by the way, right there, it just has a counter seperating the two rooms.

"That doesn't mean-! Wait, a business?" Quin asked, sitting on top of the counter.

"Yes, I, uh, bought a Wal-Mart," she declared. "Something to fall back on. I made TP Ganondorf in charge of security, OoT Link my hiring manager, but so far all of our staff is mostly girls. So, I'm making sure to keep all the fangirls off of the property."

"Oh..."

**At the store!**

"TP Ganondorf, fangirl has been spotted on the grounds! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!" Midna shrieked on the megaphone.

TP Ganondorf steps into the parking lot wear a huge body armor suit with atleast a billion different weapons. Taking out a huge flamethrower, he chases the crazy teenaged, obsessed girl out of the lot.

**In the store!**

"I just thought of a name of the store if you end up changing it," Quin snickered, as she and Midna walked through an aisle that had a million different tvs being displayed.

"What?"

"Midna-Mart!" she laughed.

"Shut up. I need to go check out the kid's section, see if everything is stacked up properly," Midna sighed.

When they entered Quin's jaw dropped. There was nothing but knives, guns, and a dozen different types of weapons.

"_This _is your kid's section?!" she gasped.

"Well, I'm trying to teach a new generation of morons that violence is the key!" Midna said happily.

"How would you like to vote against ninjas by voting for pirates?! Pirates are known to be the best career chocie for this century!" a girl said, walking into the aisle, holding a clipboard, and a pen.

**Five seconds later...**

"NO PIRATE LOVERS ALLOWED EITHER!" Midna screeched, throwing the burnt corpse of the girl outside. "ANYONE ELSE WANNA TELL ME THAT NINJAS SUCK?!"

Everyone hurries into an aisle and out of sight.


	52. Zalo

**Zalo, the newest Zelda/Halo game, is now available with internet!**

TheFunnyMaster(Quin) signs in:Wazzup?! What're we playing?

awsumdood(OoT Link):Ooh! Lets play tag!

MadKilla(Midna):NO! We're playing 'Which team survives wins'. We'll split into two different teams.

**Bolded characters is one team.**

_Curvy (or whatever) characters are another team._

Normal words are the narrator.

(Inside these are subtitles).

**HyruleRuler#1(TP Ganondorf):Who's on our team?**

**coulirthinu(OoT Link):Wootwoot!**

**MadKilla(Midna):Crap.**

**wootwoot(OoT Link):We're gonna rock!**

**MadKilla(Midna):Stop changing your name, you idiot!**

**Fine(OoT Link):Jerk!**

_TheFunnyMaster(Quin):Who's on my team?!_

_CountryGirl(Ilia):Hey, galpal!_

_TheFunnyMaster(Quin):...Somebody please kill me._

CountryGirl(Ilia)'s game system has been hacked and destroyed.

_Dark(Link):Hey, lets kick butt._

_TheFunnyMaster(Quin):Oh, great, I get the emo freak!_

_masklover(MM Link):Quin, we need to talk._

**MadKilla(Midna):Everyone ready?**

Betrayal.

(Link(OoT Link) stapped MadKilla(Midna) with a peice of broken glass).

**MadKilla(Midna):WHY'D YOU EFFING KILL ME?! WE'RE TEAM MEMBERS!**

**Link(OoT Link):Woops...**

_TheFunnyMaster(Quin):This is going to be easier then I thought!_

**HyruleRuler#1(TP Ganondorf):Winning team gets to rule Hyrule for a year!**

_masklover(MM Link):I AM GOING TO DEMAND SOMETHING OF YOU, AUTHOR!_

_TheFunnyMaster(Quin):AHH! Holy crap, man, my ear's bleeding! And write down our comment and slip it udner my bedroom door like everyone else does!_

_Dark(Link):Um, guys..._

_masklover(MM Link):NO! I want a bigger role in this series, I wanna have adoring fans!_

**MadKilla(Midna):No. No, you don't.**

_Dark(Link):Um, guys!_

_TheFunnyMaster(Quin):Just shut up!_

_Dark(Link):GUYS!_

_masklover(MM Link):WHAT?!_

_TheFunnyMaster(Quin):WHAT?!_

HyruleRuler#1(TP Ganondorf) has choked Dark(Link) to death and mauled masklover(MM Link) with a giant boulder.

_TheFunnyMaster:Oh. Crap._

**HyruleRuler#1(TP Ganondorf):Haha!**

TheFunnyMaster(Quin) erased HyruleRuler#1(TP Ganondorf) from this mini.

**MadKilla(Midna):HEY! You can't use your Author powers when playing! You promised!**

_TheFunnyMaster(Quin):Whatever. Where's OoT Link?! I'm gonna burn him to a crisp, stuff him, and sell him to the highest fangir- I mean, bidder..._

**Link(OoT Link):Eep!**


	53. To Do Lists

**Since you all had to wait so long for me to come up with a new mini, this one will be extra long for you darling fans of mine! **

Quin's to do list.

Rocky:

"Um, why am I dressed up as a steak again?" MM Link asked, walking into an arena.

"No reason," Quin said, locking a gate behind him.

"Well, just as long as I get a bigger role in this series! So, you aren't mad that I threatened to burn the house down, right?" he asked nervously.

"Not at all!" the Author said, grinning. "I _never_ holde grudges!"

"Er, what's that thing moving torwards me? It looks...awfully like a dodongo..."

up an electric fly killer to keep Tingles' away:

"Now, all we have to do is flip the switch and that should keep the Tingles' away," Quin said, switching on the fly zapper.

"Are you sure this'll work?" Midna asked, as they walked back into the house from the backyard.

"Watch," she said, shutting the sliding glass door.

All the Tingles' gathered around the fly killing, um, thing. WW Tingle touched it and got zapped. Each of them touched it over and over again.

"I thought the box said it would keep them away! Not keep them here!" Midna growled.

"Well, it's worth it, plus it's more entertaining than doing it on the Sims," the Author admitted.

shopping for more school supplies:

"Midna, your notebooks are five bucks per a book," Quin pointed out, stunned.

"Your point?" she asked.

"And they're all gone! How can you be sold out with a price like that!" Quin exclaimed.

"Well, this is the short version of the story, parents come with children, parents might or might not go back out with children," Midna explained smugly.

"How do you blackmail the people who don't have children?" the Author asked.

"Easy, we give them children."

have kids until Midna is dead:

"Not a problem, considering you don't have a boyfriend," WW Link pointed out.

"Do _you_ want to kids or are you just begging me to rip off your manhood with a pair of tweezers?" Quin snarled.

OoT Link's to do list.

a Xtra larg fli swatir:

"LINK! Hey! Listen! HEY!" Navi shrieked.

"I don't believe in fairies. I don't believe in fairies. I don't believe in fairies!" OoT Link murmured, covering his ears.

All the Tingles' outside drop dead.

"LINK! Bad boy! You killed my favorite show!" Quin yelled angrily.

TP Link's hare of wile hees asleip:

"Why isn't it working?!" OoT Link hissed, as he tried to run the electric shaver through TP Link's hair.

"You're supposed to plug it in, moron," Quin snapped, as she watched him struggle.

Midna's to do list.

a life time supply of Advil:

"WAAAAH! I BROKE A NAIL!" OoT Zelda cried.

"Dear Din, please kill me right here, right now," Midna prayed.

an anti-imp shield:

"Hey, you're not buying me all this vodka so when I pass out, you can turn me into an imp again?" Midna asked, sipping her drink.

"Ummm, noooooo," Zant mumbled.

TP Ganondorf banged his head on the bar's counter. "I told you she wouldn't fall for it again!" he hissed.

Shad's to do list.

OoT Link to spell correctly:

"NO! It's C-A-T. Not, K-A-T," Shad snapped angrily, pointing at the chalk board.

"AHH! MY HEAD HURTS!" OoT Link wailed.

shop for new books:

"I'll give you 25 dollars for this dictionary!" Shad shouted.

"I told you, I'm never dropping the price! _Ever!_" Midna yelled.

Ilia's to do list.

all glue factories:

"Darnit! This paper won't stick to the pole!" Ilia whined, trying to put together her picket sign. "Anyone got any glue?!"

Quin sighed and passed a hand over her face. "Stupid, blonde, gaming character."

TP Zelda's to do list.

hair:

"Do you wanna know how I do my hair?" the princess asked.

"Oh Goddesses, why did you pick her?" Midna groaned.

"I shampoo it five times, then I use condition three times, after that, I dry it in sections, put it in curls, then color it gold, then I brush it thoroughly for about an hour. Pretty simple, huh?" TP Zelda explained.

Jonas Brothers back pack into house:

Coming home from school, most of the Zelda characters entered the living room.

"Um, why is your bag wrapped up in brown paper, TP Zelda?" Quin asked, with an eyebrow up.

"Er, no reason! I've gotta go up to my room and do school work!" she said, hurrying up the stairs.

"You do know that's a Jonas bag, right?" Midna asked.

"Oh, yeah. I'll sell it on Ebay while she's sleeping," the Author replied, going back to playing Soul Calibur 2.

MM Link's to do list.

dodongo attack:

"OH, MAKE IT STOP!" MM Link screamed, getting bit by Rocky in the leg.

"I haven't fed him for three days, you know, FYI," Quin snickered.

and _stay_ recovered:

"Mr. MM Link, you have a visitor," a nurse said, poking her head in the room then leaving.

Quin and Rocky entered the hospital room.

"We thought it'd be nice to give you a 'get well soon' gift," the Author said, grinning.

"WHAT KIND OF HOSPITAL SECURITY WOULD LET A TEENAGED GIRL AND AN UNLEASHED DODONGO IN HERE?!" MM Link shrieked.


	54. They're Fans, Too!

**You know, some of the Zelda characters are actually fans of stuff, just like you! Don't believe me? **

**The House fans.**

"Hey, I made the popcorn," TP Ganondorf said, sitting down on the couch.

"Shhhh!" Midna hissed.

"It's just the opening credits!" he exclaimed.

"Doesn't matter! Do you wanna end up like TP Link when he interrupted it when it first started?" Quin growled.

_In the basement..._

"So...many...stuffed...Tingles'...!" TP Link said, hugging his knees and rocking back and forth.

All the Tingles' surrounded him, each in a different disturbing pose.

**The Pokemon fans.**

"My Squirtle beats up your Torchic by smashing into him, and with my Squirtle's hard shell, your puny bird dies! Hahahahaha!" TP Link laughed, as he bounced in his chair holding a Squirtle's trading card.

"Your such a freakin' cheater, no wonder Quin left our club," OoT Link grumbled, holding a Torchic trading card.

"Actually, she left because she could easily kick our butts with her huge collection," Shad explained.

"Oh... And since when are you a Pokemon fan?!" OoT Link pointed out.

"Since I got kicked out of the book club because I was running for president, but I guess now bribing is now banned," Shad mumbled sadly.

"Ooh! And my Squirtle levels up and evolves into a Blastoise!" TP Link shouted gleefully.

"For the last time you only level up in the freakin' games! And it goes Squirtle, Wartortle, _then_ Blastoise!" OoT Link yelled angrily, banging his head on the table.

**The Jonas Brothers' fan.**

Quin sighed as she hung up the wireless phone. "I gotta go bail TP Zelda out of jail again," she groaned.

"Why?" Midna asked, who was playing Pokemon Yellow on the gamecube's adaptor.

"For the seventeenth time she was caught stalking and trying to kidnap the Jonas brothers'," the Author explained.

"Typical fangirl," Midna muttered.

**The Kingdom Hearts fan.**

"Author, you've been hogging the tv ever since you got the PS2! I wanna play Kingdom Hearts, too!" Midna shouted angrily.

"Can't...stop...playing... Must...beat...game...even though...I...have...school work!" Quin mumbled, drooling as she played.

**The Twilight fans.**

"For the last time the movie comes out in December!" Quin yelled, standing outside of the theater.

"We don't care, we're going to be the first people in line even if the movie won't be out for months!" OoT Zelda declared, while TP Zelda and OoT Ruto stood behind her.

"No, I'm going to date Edward!" OoT Ruto shrieked.

"No, _I'm_ gonna date Edward!" TP Zelda screamed back.

_Back home..._

"Heh heh, guess what I'm getting TP Link for his birthday," Midna snickered.

"What?" Vaati and WW Ganondorf asked at the same time.

"The Twilight movie, just to see if he'll turn into a wolf," she whispered.

"I HEARD THAT!" TP Link shouted.

**To answer Twi Tsi's question, I'm not sure when Zelda Mini Madness will be over. Maybe when I can't think up anymore crazy stuff! But I'm also positive you all will murder me in my sleep if I do end up quitting... Well, I'm gonna go get security locks around my house just in case you all show up...**


	55. Walt Zeldney

**TimelessParodies:**

Thank God Dark Link doesn't work there... I don't wanna be a corpse.

Quin shut her lap top. "Heh heh..."

_Later..._

"WHY AM I IN A WAL-MART UNIFORM?!" Dark Link shrieked from upstairs.

"May all your reviews come true!" Quin laughed, as she played Kingdom Hearts.

"So, does that make you the Fairy God Author?" Midna snickered.

**Time to mock Walt Disney! XD**

**Zeldarella!**

"Why am I an evil step-sister?! I wanted to be Cinderella!" Ilia whined, as she stood in the kitchen set.

"Why am I scrubbing the floors?" TP Zelda asked.

"Thanks Quin for letting me be the evil mother," Midna laughed.

"I wanted to play in Flicka!" OoT Malon cried, who was actually the other step-sister.

"Is it my cue?" TP Link asked, stepping inside wearing a dorky prince outfit.

"Oh, dear Din, you look even more ridiculous then when you're wearing that skirt!" Midna said disgusted.

"All of you shut up! Now, where are the mice?!" Quin shouted, wearing a Fairy Godmother outfit.

"Ugh, I'm only playing this mouse part, there's no way you're gonna make me play as Scabbers in Harry Potter," MC Link groaned, who was in Minish form but with a rat costume.

"You only got that part 'cause you can shrink," the Author snapped.

**The Twilight Princess's New Groove!**

"There's no way in Hyrule that I'm being turned into a llama," Midna growled.

**The Little Hylaid!**

"Erk! C-can't bre-breath!" TP Link choked, just having a fish tail.

"You forgot to give him gills, didn't you?" Midna asked.

"Forget? Who cares? He's the main character, he'll just respawn!" Quin exclaimed, floating in the water next to her.

"Respawn?! We don't do that!" Midna pointed out.

"Well, then, he'll go back to the last time he saved," the Author said shrugging.

"This isn't a game, it's real life," she said.

"Well, then he'll die. One less character that won't whine to me," Quin said folding her arms. "Oh, and I didn't even bother to give Ilia gills or even a tail," she murmured, glancing over her shoulder seeing Ilia floating there, lifeless.

"You're cruel, you know that, right?" Midna asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, I know."

**Link in Wonderland!**

"I'm late! I'm late!" the rabbit said, running out of the rabbit hole.

"Crap, I'm gonna end up seeing that creepy cat, aren't I? And where's the Author?!" TP Link shouted.

"She, uhh, said something about the cat and practically the whole movie giving her night terrors and left," Midna replied, off the set.

**No seriously, that cat scares me.**


	56. New Character Alert!

**New character personality alert!!**

"It has come to our news cast's attention that having been thrown together at the last minute, and sadly, since we don't have big fundings and we get paid with just watermelons, I, OoT Link and OoT Malon, are the only ones working here. While I'm on the air, OoT Malon is out getting the big scoops! Take it away, OoT Malon!" OoT Link said.

* * *

"I'm here just outside the house of the Author of Zelda Mini Madness, an infamous Zelda comedy series," OoT Malon said.

"Hey! He forgot to introduce me!" Mido yelled angrily, who was holding the camera.

* * *

"No one cares!" OoT Link muttered.

* * *

"Anyways, we have specific details that Quintaso, aka Quin, aka Author, aka TheFunnyMaster, that she is planning on introducing another Zelda character with a strange and slightly creepy personality. Lets get a closer look," OoT Malon explained, walking backwards torwards the front door.

The horse freak rings the door bell.

"Crap! They heard about the new character. Midna, get 'em out of here!" Quin hissed inside.

"But I'm busy playing darts with TP Link!" she whined.

"I don't want to play this anymore, I'm sick of dodging those extra sharpened darts!" the Hero cried.

"Shut up, a stationary target is no fun. And ducking isn't allowed!" Midna shrieked.

"OW! You got me in the head!" he shouted.

"So what? There shouldn't be anything in there that the dart'll hurt," she shrugged.

"Both of you be quiet, get those stupid reporters out of here or no more beer!" the Author yelled.

"Um, we've seemed to have lost communication. We'll try back later," OoT Link said.

**Close to three hours later...**

"Yeah, yeah, I want him thrown out a window... What do you mean you've never seen him before?! What kind of hired ninja hasn't seen TP Link?!" OoT Link shouted in a cell phone. "Oh, we're back on the air... Um, yeah, I want a cheese pizza with a side order of chuchu jelly!" he suddenly yelled, hanging up the phone and tossing it over his shoulder. "Er, hi folks! Lets see where OoT Malon and that other unimportant character are now."

* * *

"We finally were discharged from the hospital, most of us have recovered wonderfully," OoT Malon said, her whole head bandaged, all you could see were her blue eyes. "Um, most of us atleast..."

"I still can't hear a thing! Is OoT Link making fun of me?!" Mido yelled, his head also bandaged up, only one eye could be seen.

"Anyways, we're sneaking around the back, to see if we can get a quick peek at this new character," OoT Malon whispered, walking around the house while Mido kept up, stumbling as he went.

They stopped at a kitchen window, also seeing the living room. They soon see sitting on the couch, Dampe's ghost!

**Inside the house...**

"But, why Dampe?" Midna asked, staring at the character.

"'Cause he rocks!" Quin exclaimed.

"Yo' momma is the queen of Mercury!" Dampe shouted with a blank look.

"Um, why did he say that?" the Twilight Princess mumbled, taking a step back.

"Because his personality is set on random," the Author explained, while grinning hugely.

"Baked dough has stolen my pocketbook, I must alert the flower authorities!" he shouted again.

"Oh, man, this has got to be the wackiest personality you've ever given a Zelda character," Midna pointed out, shocked.

"I made him up while I was bothering my mom, I was so bored that I was talking like he is!" Quin explained.

"That...does explain alot," the Twilight Princess admitted.

"Poes and pans, little boys with fans, they dance in my mind!" Dampe shrieked.

"So, why did OoT Link quit your Wal-Mart again?" the Author asked, sipping a grape soda.

"Well, ever since I said it was okay TP Link pose in a glass box in the parking lot to keep all the fangirls outside, he went crazy," Midna replied, still eyeing Dampe who was counting his fingers.

"I will name you Bob, you Dance Pants, and you Peter Pan!" he said happily at his fingers.


	57. Pitiful

**I have two things to say sorry about...**

**1:Sorry for not updating for a while, ideas haven't struck me as of late.**

**2:Sorry to Senom299 for you disappointing you! I just haven't played Final Fantasy or that Xeno saga! DX. How can I make it up to you?**

**What happens when you turn your back on your Zelda game while it's NOT paused!**

Billy (just calling the gamer this) sets down his controller and walks away from his gamecube to go grab a soda.

"Um, hello?" OoT Link asks, looking at the screen.

"Uh-oh, are those keese?" Navi murmured, looking at the bats flying torwards them.

"HELLO! I'm gonna die 'cause you were too lazy to pause this effing game!" the hero shrieks.

"Beaten down by bats, pitiful," Navi giggled.

"Atleast I'm loved and popular enough so that people pause my game before they leave," TP Link said, folding his arms and puffing out his chest.

"You're a selfish jerk, you know that, right?" Midna snapped from inside his shadow. "And ugh! Would you put some pants on?!"

**Navi in her trailer...**

"Navi, you're on in five minutes! You ready yet?" the game disigner yelled from outside the huge birdhouse.

"Hold on, gotta add the finish touches of my character," she snapped.

The blue fairy began chugging down a liter of mountain dew mixed with a bag of sugar.

Two minutes later...

Navi bursts onto the set. "HERE'S NAAAAAVIIII!"

"Can I quit?" Young Link asks.

"Nope, you signed a soul-sealing contract, sorry," one of the designers said from off the set.

"But you promised me candy if I did!" he whined.

**Short, I know, but I'm gonna make another one right after this!**


	58. The Elections

I ask something of all you awesome, cool fans:

1:Which one's your favorite mini?

2:Who's your favorite character (or you can pick me! .)?

3:What's your favorite color? XD (Has nothing to do with anything, I just wanna know).

"What do you get out of all of these questions?" Midna asked.

"I wanna know which minis and character is loved the most," Quin replied happily.

"Well, um, can you give me all of the fans names, addresses, and numbers for a very secretive reason?" she asked.

"You're planning to go to their houses and beat them senseless until they agree to vote for you, aren't you?"

"Um, noooooo."

**"News alert!"**

"Hello and I'm the Hero of Time, here to give you information that you either don't care about or didn't even know existed. Now, ever since those questions the 'Author' has put up, the Zelda characters have gone crazy in the election to be voted the most beloved character of all," OoT Link said. "Lets take a look."

**TP Link's campaign**

**Sponsored by the Corporation of TP Link's Fangirls.**

"And I promise you better cafeteria food, hotter cheerleaders that will be filled by my fangirls, and no more gum under the tables. But these awesome things won't ever happen if you don't vote for me to be class president!" TP Link said.

"Is he taking a trip back down memory lane on middle school?" Midna whispered in the stands.

"Maybe, but he doesn't even _have_ a memory lane!" Quin hissed back.

**Midna's campaign**

**Sponsored by the Corporation of Beating You Voters Senseless and Midna's Wal-Mart.**

"And if you don't vote for me, I will tatoo 'Kick me' signs to the back of your neck!" Midna snarled into the microphone.

"Guys, scoot away slowly, maybe her bloodshot eyes will 'cause some blindspots so she won't notice us leaving for our own safety," TP Ganondorf said under his breath.

"Do we have a bomb shelter?" Young Link asked quietly.

**TP Zelda's campaign**

**Sponsored by the Corporation of Princesses That Are Always Getting Kidnapped.**

"I'm sorry, but TP Zelda was too busy doing her make-up and her hair to even write her speech," Mido said into the microphone.

"Figures," Midna and OoT Ganondorf muttered at the same time.

**Ilia's campaign**

**Sponsored by the Corporation of Horse Obessed People.**

"And together, we can shut down glue factories!" Ilia shouted.

"Woo-hoo! Yeah!" OoT Malon yelled happily and clapped.

Everyone just sat there with all eyebrows raised.

**oot link's campainn**

**sponsird by the corperayton ov eerasing tp link frum existince.**

"And together, we'll murder him in his sleep!" OoT Link shrieked into the mic.

"He's gonna get killed by TP Link's fangirls," Midna snickered.

"Oh yeah. Big time," Quin agreed.


	59. Personality Bolts

**I had an epiphany thanks to my mom! What would the characters be like if they had different personalities then the ones I gave them!**

"Run if you care dearly for your personality!" TP Link shrieked, following a dozen other characters down the streets of Washington.

Then suddenly Midna was hit by a lightening bolt. She began helping an elderly woman across the street.

"Crap! The Author got Midna! Now she's been turned into a terribly nice person!" TP Ganondorf said, out of breath.

"Quick, head for that supposedly abandoned house!!" Navi yelled, zooming through the air, ahead of everybody.

They all burst into the home and shut the front door, panting.

"Okay, we...should be...safe...in here," OoT Zelda wheezed.

"Wait, where's WW Link?!" TP Zelda said, realizing the Hero of Wind was missing.

"Crap, one of us will have to sacrifice ourselves by going outside and quickly looking around to see if he's near," Shad murmured.

Everyone looked at Navi.

"Oh, you can all go straight to #!ing !#," the fairy growled, moving torwards the door. She took a deep breath and went outside.

"OoT Link, do you hear anything?" TP Zelda asked.

The Hero of Time edged torwards the door and put his pointed ear to it. "It's quiet, too quiet..."

The door flew open, causing OoT Link to slam into the wall, and Navi hovered in the doorway.

TP Ganondorf pulled the fairy in and slammed the door shut. "Navi, what happened?!" he asked urgently.

She didn't reply.

"Oh no, the Author changed her! Navi, can you say _anything?!_" the Evil King yelled.

Still nothing.

"You know, I think I like Navi's new personality," OoT Zelda said grinning.

"Why hasn't anyone helped me?" OoT Link said from behind the door.

"Oh, you'll be fine after getting a couple o' hearts!" the Princess snapped. "But I wonder if she managed to see WW Link? Who's the most annoying Zelda character after Navi?" she asked, looking around.

Everyone pointed at Ilia who was wearing a t-shirt that said, "Got horses?"

_1 minute later..._

"Okay, so you want 2,000 rupees donated to your "horse's rock" club, TP Link and OoT Link to stop abusing their Eponas', and another horse shirt. Is that it?" TP Ganondorf asked her, writing on a clipboard.

"And 50 Breyer Horses and My Little Pony's!" Ilia added. "Now, all I have to do is go outside, look around for WW Link, and report back?"

"30 rupees says the Author gives her the personality of a hooker," TP Link whispered to Dark Link.

"Oh, you're on!" he replied.

_15 minutes pass..._

"Got any Green Chuchu's?" OoT Link asked, looking at his cards with a serious face.

"Go cucco," Dark Link replied.

They were playing go fish in Zelda version on the floor.

"Got any...Ganondorf's?" Dark Link murmured, glancing over the Hero of Time's shoulder at Vaati, who was pointing at TP Ganondorf.

"Argh! You always get it right!" he yelled angrily, handing him the card.

Suddenly, the front door burst open, WW Link rushed inside, and closed it. "Hurry! Hide! Psycho!" he shrieked, running through the room but being picked up my OoT Ganondorf by the collar of his tunic.

"Whoa, take it easy! What's going on?" he asked.

"I barely managed to dodge the bolts and hid in some bushes. But then Ilia showed up! She...got hit by a bolt and then...everything went wrong. She rushed inside a store and stole a freaking chainsaw! Ilia began chasing cilivians and little kids, screaming about how anyone who hates horses is going to die. I sneaked behind her and made it here! But we gotta hurry, she might've seen me!" he said, explaining quickly.

Everyone stared at him with wide eyes.

"I believe someone owes me 30 rupees," Dark Link said, breaking the shocking silence.


	60. Announcements

**I'll try to make a mini with you in it, Senom299, pretty soon, just give me some time. **

"Hello and welcome back to our cheaply paid news that most people don't even know exists. My name is OoT Link and we have a special guest, the Author of Zelda Mini Madness!" he itnroduced Quin, who was sitting next to him.

"Boo!" someone shouted.

"Remind me to follow that person down a dark alleyway and have Rocky eat him," Quin said under her breath.

OoT Link nodded. "Now, you have some announcements for the fans, Author?"

"I have news on the election for the most voted character so far and the most voted mini. And well, I still can't believe people are telling me their favorite color, that was just a joke!" Quin exclaimed.

"Um, Author, as you were saying?" the Hero of Time asked.

"Oh, um, yes. Anyways, lets look at polls," she said.

**"Most Beloved Character Poll:"**

Midna:KyrieFalcon, Super Dragon, Senom299.

Dark Link:TimelessParodies.

WW Link:pikminbro.

TP Link:Ainz-BW.

"Looks like Midna's in the lead so far and she's celebrating by holding a festival where the games are usually called, 'How many people can you kill the most?' Onto the next poll!" Quin said.

**"Most Beloved Mini Poll:"**

He'll Die Soon #50:KyrieFalcon.

Tingle Hunt #39:KyrieFalcon, pikminbro.

You've Read Too Much ZMM #37:Ainz-BW.

Roleplay Quest Just For You #28:TimelessParodies.

Punishment And Who Would Win!#34:Super Dragon.

More Versus #49:Super Dragon.

They're Fans, Too! #54:pikminbro.

"Tingle Hunt is in the lead so far. I hope I got all of those right, if not, please tell me in your next review and say if I screwed something up! Anyways, now for the next poll!" Quin yelled happily.

"Wait, you actually made a poll for their favorite colors?" OoT Link asked.

"Shut up."

**"Most Beloved Color Poll:"**

Blue:KyrieFalcon, TimelessParodies.

Purple:Ainz-BW, TimelessParodies.

Orange:TimelessParodies.

Green:TimelessParodies, Super Dragon, Quintaso.

Red:TimelessParodies, pikminbro.

"You, um, added your own name," OoT Link pointed out, looking at the poll closely.

"Yes, because green is my favorite color, everything else comes in second, and pink gets to rot in a sack," she declared, folding her arms.

"I HATE YOU ALL!" OoT Zelda shrieked from the stands.

"Anyways, green is in the lead 'cause it rocks. Now, for my second announcment. You all won't like it, but I do! I haven't talked about it and I know 'cause you all are going to kill me for it," Quin mumbled.

"Just spit it out and get it over with," OoT Link groaned.

"I'm, uh, leaving for Texas with my grandparents to visit some relatives on October 21 and won't be back for two weeks," Quin said, ducking under her desk.


	61. More Announcements

"Heh, you guys all suck, I'm winning the 'Most Beloved Character' poll," Midna sneered proudly, holding a chainsaw as she sat down in the stands.

"Shut up all ready! And why do you have a chainsaw?" TP Link asked, eyeing the blood stained weapon.

"'Cause right after this I'm going back to my party, I'm tied with KyrieFalcon in the game where you have to kill the most fangirls," the Twilight Princess groaned.

"Ahem, is this thing on?" Quin asked, tapping the microphone as she climbed onto the stage.

"Old pun alert!" WW Link shouted.

Quin glared at him and stood in the middle of the wood stage. "Now, I have a few announcements. First, I'd like to bring up a fan's special day. Everybody cheer for Twi Tsi who turned eleven on October 2nd!" she said happily.

"You're five days late!" OoT Zelda yelled.

"Speak again or you'll never remember that the color 'pink' exists," the Author growled.

The princess shut her mouth and sat still, looking down at her pink painted nails sadly.

"Anyways, start singing or all of your worst nightmares will come to life!" Quin commanded.

"Woo-hoo! I mean, um, boo?" Midna mumbled.

_**"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Twi Tsi, have a happy Zelda Mini Madness filled birthday to you!!"**_

"If anyone else is having an upcoming birthday, just let me know, and I'll get right on it," Quin said as the singing stopped. "My second announcement-"

"Is that horses should be put above people!" Ilia screamed, jumping onto her seat.

"-is that I'm going to a comercial so you fans won't have to witness the brutal murder of one of the most annoying characters of all time," the Author snarled.

_Close to three to four hours pass..._

"Thanks Author for letting me borrow Ilia and include her in my festival's game 'Kill all of the annoying Zelda characters within the time limit,'" Midna said with glee.

"No problem, and so long as you film the slaughter, I won't charge a rent fee," Quin promised, back on the stage. "Now, back to the 2nd announcement. The polls will go on until I leave for Texas so anyone wants to change their vote or add to it, you are free to do so. I will put up the poll results at the end of every recently updated mini."

"Is there a third or can I go back to playing Kingdom Hearts?" TP Ganondorf asked, folding his arms.

"You can't play the PS2 'cause my mom broke the controller and the new one won't arrive for a few more days!" Quin cried. "Now, the very last announcement, I keep on seeing these 'Truth or Dare' Zelda fics, and that why can't I give it a shot? So, as from this mini forward, you fans/voters will have the chance to ask and do whatever you want to the characters."

"Can they ask you anything, too?" OoT Link spoke up.

"Um, sure. Why not? And I promise I'll try and make the Truth or Dare fresh from all of the others ones. This means I won't demand fanboys to fall head over heels for me, most of you probably couldn't stand my craziness anyways. But seriously people, it's nice to read something that isn't a lot like every other story out there. This is my advice to you," Quin said with a pleading look.

**Poll results:**

**"Most Beloved Character Poll:"**

Midna:KyrieFalcon, Super Dragon, Senom299.

Dark Link:TimelessParodies.

WW Link:pikminbro.

TP Link:Ainz-BW.

**"Most Beloved Mini Poll:"**

He'll Die Soon #50:KyrieFalcon.

Tingle Hunt #39:KyrieFalcon, pikminbro, Senom299.

You've Read Too Much ZMM #37:Ainz-BW.

Roleplay Quest Just For You #28:TimelessParodies.

Punishment And Who Would Win!#34:Super Dragon.

More Versus #49:Super Dragon.

They're Fans, Too! #54:pikminbro.

**"Most Beloved Color Poll:"**

Blue:KyrieFalcon, TimelessParodies.

Purple:Ainz-BW, TimelessParodies, Senom299, KyrieFalcon.

Orange:TimelessParodies, KyrieFalcon.

Green:TimelessParodies, Super Dragon, Quintaso, KyrieFalcon.

Red:TimelessParodies, pikminbro, KyrieFalcon.


	62. The Finale

**Before I begin with this extra long and super awesome mini, I would like to wish TimelessParodies and Senom299 happybirthdays, even though I'm all ready late for one...**

**Have great birthdays and get lots of presents! If you don't get any good presents just sell them and get the ones you DO want!**

**Now, the schedule for this mini will cover first all of the requests I didn't get up yet, the truth and dares, then lastly the FINAL poll results!**

_In the sacred realm..._

Almost all of the Ganondorfs' all sat around a huge round table, playing poker, and drinking. Soon, TP Ganondorf appeared in an empty seat.

"TP Link kick your butt?" OoT Ganondorf asked, dealing out a new hand.

"Yep," TP Ganondorf sighed.

"So, the Dodgers lost to the Phillies," WW Ganondorf said after a moment of silence.

"I don't watch baseball, I prefer football," TP Ganondorf said, throwing in his bet.

"You know what I just thought... You guys all know we're techincally the same person? I mean, Zelda and Link, there's a new one every game. But with us, it's the same person!" OoT Ganondorf exclaimed.

"Sooo...does that make us all insane?" TP Ganondorf asked.

_On ..._

Username:MadKilla

Title:A New Business.

A Harvest Moon fic by me:

"Where are all the cows, Dumb Darling?" Nami asked, walking into the kitchen seeing her husband at the table.

"I got tired of cleaning the barn, so instead of selling milk, I'm selling hamburgers!" he replied, nodding over to the bloody butcher knife at the sink.

"I am _so _becoming a vegetarian," their son mumbled, completely grossed out.

_Inside the Great Deku Tree..._

"Link, go kill that Deku Baba!" Navi yelled, hovering above his head.

"I know, I was going to anyways!" Young Link grumbled, slashing the enemy.

Later...

"HEY! Go kill that keese!"

Later...

"LINK! Go kill Queen Gohma or you're grounded!"

_Seven years and some days later in Ganondorf's castle..._

"Link, Ganondorf really didn't use magic to keep me from helping you, I just don't want to," Navi yawned.

_The newest Zelda game..._

"The target's in sight. Project "Must kill designer who made up crappy new Zelda game before it is actually made" is now in motion," Quin declared into a headset as she gazed through her sniper rifle's scope into the Nintendo corporation building.

"Author, maybe it's just a another rumor. I mean, a kid who worships the Hero of Time, or Wind, or whatever, as a new game?! That's just stupid!" Midna hissed back.

"I'm not taking any chances."

_Author vs. Zelda Characters!_

Quin holds up her favorite weapon, a katana with a blue hilt, and a silver guard. "Lets do this hardcore."

The wind pushes up the dust in the arena and it settles, showing the Zelda character standing on the other side, each holding a different weapon.

"Who should go first?" Midna said.

"I vote Ilia," TP Link muttered.

"I second that," the TP Gerudo King said.

Ilia walked up into the middle of the arena, holding a carrot in each hand...

Quin blinked. "Uh... I'm at a loss for that one."

"Summon Eponas'!" she yelled, throwing the vegetables into the air.

OoT, TP, and MC-

**I know there might be other Eponas', but remember only characters from games I HAVE played can show up...**

-Eponas' gallop into the arena and focus on the Author.

"Time to visit the slaughter house!" Quin shouted, jumping into the air. She first landed on TP Epona, took the reins, and as she passed the other two rampaging horses, she slit the sides of their throats, then ran over Ilia, then slid the katana's blade into the mouth of the Epona she was riding.

TP Link swallowed. "Um, can we give up?"

**Lets just say I wrote a very detailed fight with each character that was both awesome and gory, okay? -Waves hand-... Um, crap, I guess the force bailed out on me...**

_The revenge of the Hero of Time..._

"Oooh, TP Link, wanna play monkey in the middle with me and WW Link?" OoT Link asked, grinning from ear to ear.

"Well, since I'm dumb as ever, I'm going to assume you mean no harm, and say yes!" TP Link shouted happily, running outside.

"CATCH!" OoT Link yelled, throwing a brick labeled "Twilight."

"Oh #!!" TP Link muttered, as the brick was aiming right at his face.

_Twilight Princess cuccos..._

**Finally answering Super Dragon's question... Sorry for the wait...**

Before Midna's and Ilia's fight...

"Okay, so that's how you summon Ocarina of Time cuccos!" OoT Malon said cheerfully.

"AWESOME!" Ilia said.

_Where'd he go?!_

"So, where's Dampe's, er, ghost?" Midna asked, sitting in the living room couch.

"He, uhhh...found out about TAPS and went back to the graveyard. I've yet to find out who told him," Quin murmured angrily.

OoT Link and Dark Link glanced at each other nervously in the kitchen.

_After a visit to a weaponry store..._

"Oooooooh, Zaaaaaaaaaaaaaant!" Midna called out, stepping into the Twilight Realm with her newly bought, shiny, and sharp axe.

**It's Truth and Dare time!... By the way, I'm really, really, really, sorry but I don't think I can have guests on here. I don't know how it would work and I'd be too lazy to do it. So, sorry to disappoint you guys... I WILL SEND YOU CANDY LATER!...**

Senom299:Make Navi and Tingle fight to the death! (for 2 chapters) and the winner can't talk until the loser comes back.

Navi vs. Tingle!

"But I can't kill my own fairy brethren! It's against my religion! AHHHHH!" Tingle shrieked.

"Tingle, Navi's not really a fairy, but an annoying little girl that can fly and when you kill her, you'll become a fairy!" OoT Link and Young Link shouted together from the stands.

"REALLY?!" Tingle said, his eyes sparkling with joyful tears. He took out a chainsaw labeled with Tinker Bell stickers. "I SHALL CLAIM MY FAIRY BECOMING PRIZE!"

"I hate all of you," Navi muttered.

_Amazingly, Tingle one! And his mouth has been magically shut until Navi will return...he's still crying after finding out that he didn't turn into a fairy. Plus, Young Link and OoT Link have hidden in their rooms after Tingle gave them angry finger gestures for lying to him... Oh well, maybe their deathes will be quick and painless...maybe..._

Insanity's Child:Make TP Link read all the Twilight books and watch the movie when it comes out.

TP Link reads the Twilight series...

"Midna, isn't your arm tired of forming TP Link back into a Hylian by hitting him with his own master sword?" Quin asked, as TP Link morphed into a wolf again as he barely read one sentence.

Midna wacked him over the head. "Nope."

**Don't worry, I'll make TP Link go to the midnight showing with the girls! Hahahahaha!**

Super Dragon:Midna: Set Zelda's hair on fire and cook Epona, then feed Epona to everyone. Make sure Ilia knows that you're cooking Epona.

Midna tied TP Zelda to a chair and used OoT Link's Din's Fire to set her head on fire. "Woo-hoo! Smores is coming after dinner! Now where's that little horsey?" She grabbed a spatula and ran into Hyrule Field. "Epoooooooonaaaaaaaa. Crap, how do I attract a horse?!"

**According to my mom, make a noise like a carrot... XD**

Later...

Midna threw TP Epona on top of the shrieking Zelda. "It's gonna need some seasoning..."

Later again...

Ilia's eye twitched when she got served Epona's cooked leg. "I will avenge your death!" she hissed through clenched teeth.

"Why exactly did I get the head?" Quin asked, poking the eyeball with her fork.

"Now what am I supposed to ride?!" TP Link shouted angrily.

"Just make MC Link your new horse," Midna said grinning.

MC Link immediately ran out of the dining room.

Super Dragon:Ilia:Get a job on a ranch where they treat horses really badly.

Ilai gets a job at OoT Lon Lon Ranch!

"This the ranch where we let the man eating cuccos loose, the cows unmilked and unfed, which is why they always looked so depressed, and we also let the horses run all over the place! Also, I always take long breaks and let Ingo take charge, but he keeps on saying that the horses always run away," Talon explained thoughtfully.

Ilia peered over his shoulder and saw Ingo whipping the horses into a trailer labeled "Hyrule's best glue!"

Super Dragon:Zelda: Do you actually change into a guy when you become Sheik, or do you just cross dress? Also, why can't you ever do anything useful?

Another gender question...

"FOR THE LAST EFFING TIME, NO! I JUST LOOK LIKE A MAN, SWITCHING GENDERS IS IMPOSSIBLE! AND I TAUGHT OOT LINK THE SPIRIT TEMPLE SONG, I'D LIKE TO SEE HIM GET THROUGH THE EFFING TEMPLE WITHOUT IT! SO THERE! ARGH!!" OoT Zelda shrieked, then fainted.

"An anger indused coma?" Quin asked, peering at the looking down at the princess.

"Apparently so," OoT Ganondorf said.

**Actually that's my opinion, I think Zelda just dresses like a guy, 'cause there's no way she can go through a gender-switching-operation in, like, whatever seconds it took her to change from 'Sheik' to 'Zelda' when she showed OoT Link who she really was!**

TimelessParodies:How does it feel to know that I'm the only one who voted for you? Does it depress you? You ARE Emo-Link...

Dark Link reads TimelessParodies review. "Um, I feel nothing."

"Well, you are OoT Link's bad side. And usually villians don't feel emotions," Quin said.

"SO UNTRUE!" TP Ganondorf cried out.

TimelessParodies:All Zeldas- What would you do, if a cow said to you, "Come here, and let me eat you?" Would you run, would you cry, would you scream, would you cry? Oh, what would you do, if a cow said to you, "Come here and let me eat you?"  
My question was in a poem that I wrote six years ago!

_All Zeldas'..._

"I am so at a loss for words for that question," TP Zelda murmured blankly.

"Er, I would scream, run, paint my nails, run, do my hair, run, then go shopping!" OoT Zelda said dreamily.

**Not all Zeldas' I know. Sowwy!**

TimelessParodies:Pervert Boy:Can you drink five gallons of soda?

"I have to do WHAT?!" Young Link screamed, seeing the review.

"Whatever. Now, what kind of soda do you wanna drink?" Quin asked.

"Oh! Oh! I'm having a sale on "The blood of fangirls,'" Midna shouted from the couch.

An hour later...

"Well, instead of burping, he's throwing up," Quin sighed, outside the second floor's bathroom.

Vomiting sounds were heard inside.

"Light weight," Midna said disgusted.

"Oh, shut _ugh_ up," Young Link groaned inside.

TimelessParodies:Ganondorf:Do you wish you're skin was a different color?

**Review for OoT Ganondorf I'm assuming...**

"Probably something evil...like ink black! Kinda like a drow," the OoT Gerudo King murmured thoughtfully, peering over the Author's shoulder who was on her laptop at the kitchen counter.

"Er, drows actually have wierd purple-ish skin, the drows in my book will have ink black skin," Quin pointed out.

"Whatever. Ink black, it'll make the red in my eyes just pop out!" he said.

"WE ARE WHO WE CHOOSE TO BE!" TP Ganondorf shrieked.

TimelessParodies:Links- Ride Epona... TOGETHER. Without a saddle, and see if all of you don't fall of. You can tie yourselves to her with rope...

_In TP Hyrule Field..._

"Now, here's the plan-" TP Link began.

"Does the plan involve _not _doing the dare at all?" WW Link interupted him.

"Um, no," he mumbled.

"Then I hate it all ready," the Hero of Wind declared, folding his arms across his chest.

"Author, am I technically one of the 'Links'?!" Dark Link shouted to apparently no one.

"DOES YOUR NAME HAVE 'LINK' IN IT?!" she yelled back from nowhere.

"Er, yes..." he sighed.

"Well, I guess you just answered your own question," Quin said, her voice fading away...

"We'll have to use TP Link's horse since she's the biggest. Lets just get this over with as soon as possible!" MC Link said.

_Later..._

First, OoT, TP, and Dark Links' sat on the saddle, WW, MC, PH ,and ALttP (A Link to the Past) Links' sat on their shoulders.

"It worked! Ha! We did it! What do we win?" TP Link asked.

"Um, the victory over a pointless dare," Dark Link sighed.

"You're all going to suffer for this," TP Epona snorted angrily.

**I, er, brought Epona back to life after dinner... Yeah... Don't ask how, it's a secret!**

TimelessParodies:Ilia and Malon, what superpower do you want and how would you use it?

"I would be able to speak to horses and I would lead them out of the glue factories for freedom! Then I would all put them on a ranch of my own," Ilia said.

"OH #!" TP, OoT, and MC Eponas' snorted, galloping away.

"I would be able to jump into horse movies and books and play out like I'm the actual main character!" Malon declared.

pikminbro's dare and questions:

**Switching to this since it's easier... XD**

Midna:Be locked in a room with Tingle for 3 hours, no killing, no torture, only Tingle may do that.

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!" Midna shrieked, as TP Ganondorf wrestled a straightjacket on her and Dark Link injected something into her neck so her magic will be disabled.

"Yeah, I live in my house where you live, too," Quin pointed out, holding open the door to the basement where WW Tingle is all ready waiting with a tv set.

TP Ganondorf pushed her down the stairs, shut the door, and locked it atleast 15 different ways. "Set the timer for 3 hours, WW Link!" he shouted.

"Okay!" the Hero of Wind replied from the kitchen, upstairs.

"I managed to download the new movie "Tinker Bell" off the internet! Now we can watch it and the special features while we're together!" WW Tingle exclaimed joyfully.

Dark Link:Get drunk and slur random things at whatever and whoever you want.

_At Telma's bar..._

"Telma, do you _hic_ use special herbs _hic _ and spices in your _hic_ fried chicken like _hic _ KFC?" Dark Link burped, leaning over the bar counter, barely managing to stay on the stool, and keep his beer in his hands.

"How many times have I asked you to leave?" Telma snapped, getting irritated.

"Author, I _hic_ love you _hic_ again," he said, glancing over at Quin who was sitting next to him.

"Dear Din, why me?" she asked, banging her forehead on the counter.

"OoT Link sleeps with a stuffed Epona!" Dark Link shouted.

The entire bar went quiet...

"ALL LIES!" OoT Link screamed, horrified.

OoT Zelda:What is your opinion of all the Links'?

"They're all idiots that aren't as hot as Edward!" she declared.

"Not even _me?!_" TP Link asked, shocked.

"Big surprize," OoT Link muttered under his breath.

TP Link:Hit Ilia a totem pole.

"Swee-eet!" he said, cheerfully, grabbing a pole and walking into Ordon Village. "Ilia, wanna go on a date?!" he shouted, grinning evily.

"OH, DEAR DIN, THANK YOU FOR ANSWERING MY PRAYERS!" Ilia screamed happily, running out of her home.

_Ilia was soon put into a hospital after breaking all her rips. The hospital decided to put her into a mental ward since she began plotting how to actually go on a date with TP Link._

OoT Malon:Become a satanist and do the Devil's bidding, which is to kill everyone in Ordon.

OoT Malon sneaks into Ordon Village wearing a Devil outfit...and is holding a black spray painted pitchfork. She easily kills everyone until she sees Ilia. "I...I can't kill another horse lover!"

"Do what the dare says and I'll give you Flicka action figures," Quin said, appearing behind her.

"OKAY!"

**I hope it's okay if I make the Link...**

**TP** Link:Shoop da woop with everyone, except Quintaso and WW Link.

"WHAT?!" TP Link shrieked. "DOES THAT MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS?!"

Midna's mouth dropped. "Umm... Oh, woops! It looks like your laptop burst into flames...magically..." she mumbled, turning on a flame thrower and setting the laptop on fire.

"OH, NOW YOU ARE _SO_ DOING THE DARE!" Quin screamed.

**...**

Senom299's dares and questions:

**Lol. Go tell your brother that Popswatter is bad news to you. XD**

Ilia:Go fall in Death Mountain.

"But...then who would save the horses?!" she cried after reading the review.

"Maybe you'll go to 'horse heaven' when you die?" Quin asked, the corners of her lips curling into a sly smile.

"AWESOME!" Ilia screamed happily, running out of the house.

keybladeboy's dares and questions:

OoT Ruto:I dare you to stand in front of a bullseye and let everyone shoot you with a random assortment of weaponry.

"Just remember, OoT Ruto, you get to go on a date with OoT Link if you go through with this!" Quin shouted, aiming her crossbow at the Zora princess.

"I didn't agree to that!" OoT Link hissed, holding up his own bow with an ice arrow.

"She can't go on a date if she's in the freaking hospital, you dork!" she snapped back.

"Sweet, I finally get to test out my new toy!" Midna exclaimed, rolling into the arena in a tank.

OoT and TP Ganondorfs' stared at it drooling.

Author:I dare you to read my ToD fic.

"Someone actually dared me to do something?! I'm touched," Quin cried, her tears sparkling.

**I read a few chapters, I've just been so tired and busy to read the rest. BUT, I promise I will when I get back from Texas. But from what I've read so far, it's great! Remind me to put it on my favorites. .**

WW Ganondorf:I dare you to sing Take On Me by A-ha.

**Er, I don't know that song... Sorry! Can I make it up to you?**

"_Hands touch, eyes meet. Sudden silence, sudden heat,_" WW Ganondorf sang on a stage.

"You replaced his request with "I'm Not That Girl?'"Midna asked, completely grossed out.

"Well, I couldn't think of anything else!" Quin admitted, shrugging.

**I hope that's okay... Sorry I couldn't fulfill your dare like you wanted. To answer your question, lol, no, it's not gonna be a seperate fic. I'm too lazy to do that, plus if I add the ToD as minis, it'll make ZMM longer! XD**

Hozat's dare:

All Links':Pick their favorite way to die, then die from said deaths!

"Hmmm... In a dark room, a basement really. Alone and by cut wrists," Dark Link said thoughtfully.

"That proves it, you're Emo-Link," Quin stated.

"I would like to die draped in the arms of my biggest fangirl...and by our forbidden love!" TP Link said, staring into space.

"You're such a freak and _so_ full of yourself," Midna groaned, slapping herself in the forehead.

"In a battle with TP Link where we both die!" OoT Link shouted, eyes becoming bloodshot.

"Er, drowning since I'm out in the ocean so much," WW Link said unsure.

_IRONY! All the Links' died according to their chosen deaths. Mwahahaha..._

**Final Poll Results:**

**"Most Beloved Character Poll:"**

Quintaso:Hozat, Twi Tsi.

Ganondorf:keybladeboy (which one isn't clarrified, DEAL WITH IT!).

Midna:KyrieFalcon, Super Dragon, Senom299.

Dark Link:TimelessParodies.

WW Link:pikminbro.

TP Link:Ainz-BW.

**TWO PEOPLE ACTUALLY VOTED FOR ME! -GASP-! Lol. Thanks. **

**The character who won the "Most Beloved Character" is...MIDNA!**

**Midna:Dang right. **

**"Most Beloved Mini Poll:"**

Madness #46:keybladeboy.

It's Party Time! #6:Hozat.

He'll Die Soon #50:KyrieFalcon.

Tingle Hunt #39:KyrieFalcon, pikminbro, Senom299.

You've Read Too Much ZMM #37:Ainz-BW.

Roleplay Quest Just For You #28:TimelessParodies.

Punishment And Who Would Win!#34:Super Dragon.

More Versus #49:Super Dragon.

They're Fans, Too! #54:pikminbro.

**The "Most Beloved Mini" is...TINGLE HUNT!**

**"Most Beloved Color Poll:"**

Blue:KyrieFalcon, TimelessParodies, Hozat.

Purple:Ainz-BW, TimelessParodies, Senom299, KyrieFalcon, Twi Tsi.

Orange:TimelessParodies, KyrieFalcon.

Green:TimelessParodies, Super Dragon, Quintaso, KyrieFalcon, keybladeboy, Twi Tsi, Hozat.

Red:TimelessParodies, pikminbro, KyrieFalcon.

**The "Most Beloved Color" is...GREEN!**

**Green:Dang right!**

HOLY CRAP! This mini took a lot out of me... I hope you all liked or loved it. Send in as many Truth or Dares as you want, I'll be sure to put 'em up when I get back from Texas. I'll see you all in two weeks!


	63. Guess Who's Back!

Quin walked across the driveway rolling her suitcase behind her. She stepped up to the front door and opened it. "I'm ho- WHAT THE CRAP HAPPENED?!"

Before her laid a smoldering, hot crater. Midna, Dark Link, and TP Ganondorf sat across the giant crater playing poker on the untouched grass.

"TP Link wanted to do something nice so he cleaned the house top to bottom, 'cept the 'cleaner' was really nitro glycerin," Midna said.

**After one snap of fingers the house came back very normal and nondestroyed.**

"Where's TP Link now?" Quin growled, coming from down stairs and into the living room.

"Er, he said he was hiding in one place you could never find him, atleast in his mind," Dark Link replied, sitting at the tv hooking up the PS2. "You said you got Kingdom Hearts 2?" he asked, looking up at her hopefully.

Quin rolled her eyes and tossed him the game. "He's hiding in his closet isn't he?"

"Um, no. But it's something clsoe to a closet!" TP Ganondorf said grinning.

"Don't you dare give her any hints!" TP Link's voice shouted from behind the kitchen pantry.

**I'm back! A few things to look forward to:**

**Zelda Halloween Madness! (Sorry I missed the holiday, I had a great idea so I'm writing it even though it's late!)**

**More Truth or Dares!**

**And if I make up more, I'll put it up when the ideas hit me.**


	64. Halloween Candy

**Happy **_**late**_** Halloween!**

"All right, lets go tricker treating!" TP Link shouted happily, he was dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow.

"Ha! Our costume duo rocks!" OoT Link said, who was dressed as KH 2 (older) Sora while Young Link was dressed as KH 1 (Younger) Sora.

"Well actually, since I'm _two_ hot, awesome, chick magnet guys, you stand no chance!" TP Link declared, pointing his plastic pirate sword at them.

"Oh yeah?! Well, our Keyblades are way cooler than your dinky cheap sword," Young Link said, swinging his Keyblade.

"Oh nooo! What're you gonna do to me?! Unlock my heart?!" TP Link taunted.

"SHUT UP! Enough fighting, it's time to get some free candy!" Midna shrieked, who was just holding a battle axe.

"Who're you supposed to be?" OoT Link asked, eyeing her _real_ weapon.

"A Twili who is holding a giant axe and will kill you if you don't give me my effing candy! That's who!" Midna snapped back.

Quin walked into the living room from the stairs. "Hey guys, I've got some bad news."

"If it involves Ilia missing, for the seventeenth time it wasn't my fault!" Midna said, placing her free hand on her hip.

"No, and we know it wasn't you, it was, um, me. But, back on topic, we won't be able to go tricker treating," she replied grimly.

"But...all that free candy! Non-stolen, bags full of _free candy!_" Midna whined.

"Yeah! Why can't we go?" TP Link asked. "I wanted to show off my costume and get more fangirls than I all ready have."

Because it's not even Halloween night you dimwits! We can't just barge on peoples doors and demand for candy," Quin shouted. "But since it's kinda my fault that I wasn't actually here for our first big holiday, I decided to just go buy candy at the store."

"You're paying?" Young Link asked.

Quin nodded.

"Lets go!"

**After spending a months worth of money on candy...**

"Can someone pass another Butterfinger down here?" WW Tetra asked, who was sitting on the loveseat which had been set up next to the large sofa.

"Sorry, I eat 'em all. So sad and not so sorry," Midna replied, crumpling up the empty bag and throwing it at her.

"Is there _anything_ left?!" she yelled angrily.

"Author, I don't think you should be eating Twix since you have braces," OoT Link pointed out.

"I've been eating these since I got the scrap of metal inside my mouth. So bite me," Quin snarled, who was busying playing Kingdom Hearts 2 and chewing down a large Twix bar.


	65. Zelda Shorts

**If anyone has seen those Sonic Shorts by demonhypersonic or whatever, this is kinda like them. And if I could animate, I would totally put these up on Youtube! P. or Dares are coming soon.**

**Zelda Shorts!**

"Look Link, it's the legendary blade. The Master Sword!" Navi exclaimed, hovering above the pedestal.

Link cracked his knuckles and strutted up to the glowing blade. He gave a thumbs-up and gripped the hilt, he began to pull. "Argh! Come on!" he wheezed, pulling harder.

"Um, Link, you might wanna be careful with that. It might break," Navi mumbled.

"Sheesh, calm down, if it's so 'legendary' how could it break?!" he snapped back, not noticing that the blade began to bend downwards.

The sword's hilt snapped right off.

"Oh, ummm... Crap," Link muttered, holding up the broken hilt.

"Zelda's gonna be so pissed."

"Shut up! There's gotta be a way to put it back together!" Link said, shoving his hand into the bag and bringing out some glue. "This should work."

_Seven years later..._

"Engarde, Ganondorf! I will kill you without sweating once!" Link shouted, waving the Master Sword at the Evil King.

"You glued it, didn't you?" he asked, grinning from ear to ear.

"Dangit! How'd you know?!"

_Pshhhh! (Pretend the tv screens gets all staticy like in most short videos)......_

**I've always thought of this, plus I guess the guy from zeldacomic also thought of it. So, it's not TOTALLY my idea.**

Da na na naaaa! You got a sword!

WW Link jumped up in the air, trying to grab it, but the object floated out of his reach. "ARGH! So...close!" he shouted angrily.

"I'm glad I don't have that problem," TP Link said under his breath back in his own realm.

_Pshhhh!_

**If Sora, in Kingdom Hearts, ever visited Hyrule to find the keyhole...**

"I'm Sora. This is Donald and Goofy," Sora introduced him and the others.

"He's a dog and he's a duck," Link realized.

"Actually yeah. You're the first to actually notice!" Sora exclaimed, grinning.

**WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER NOTICE THEY'RE ANIMALS?!**

_Pshhhh!_

**Naruto joke.**

"Believe it!" Young Link shouted.

"Oh, no. Not you, too!" Navi groaned.

_Pshhh!_

**If Zelda were an actual GOOD tv show and then 4Kids ruined it...**

Link walked inside Ganondorf's dungeon. "You will d--!" he shouted, unsheithing a plastic sword. "Wait, where's my real sword?"

"Banned! Too violent for the kids," someone shouted off the set. "Also you can't kill anybody either, that's why we blanked out that word."

"TOO VIOLENT?! OH, I'LL SHOW YOU TOO VIOLENT!" Midna shrieked, jumping out of Link's shadow and chasing after the man with a mace.

"So, what do you think they redesigned Midna's real form to be?" Ganondorf asked.

"The world should _never_ know," Link replied.

_Pshhh!_


	66. The Last Dares

TP Link crossed his wrists over one another creating a killer whale's talle, he moved them up and down. "Shamu! Shamu! Sha-!" he began to chant.

Quin whipped out a double barrel shotgun, cocked it, then shot him in the head. "I'm sick of that!" she snarled.

TP Link fell to the floor, his head completely torn apart.

**That's the only part of Sea World I hated.**

**Quick announcment before I continue onto the 'Truth or Dares', this'll be the last one for dares, you can, however, go ahead and shoot questions at me and the characters whenever. **

_Sometime later..._

"So, no one has noticed that my birthday is less than a month away. What, do you not love me anymore?! HUH?! Is that it?! Am I really that ugly or something?!" Quin shouted, her bottom lip trembling. "NO ONE LOVES ME ANYMORE!" She ran out of the room crying.

"What's wrong with the Author?" TP Ganondorf asked, an eyebrow up.

"She's been drinking alot lately," Dark Link replied, watching Midna play Kingdom Hearts 2.

"Isn't she too young to drink?" Midna pointed out.

"Mountain Dew."

"What?!"

"Caffiene's a type of drug, y'know," he said.

_After an hour of throwing up in the bathroom....... P. real life, I never actually drank that much MD._

"Now that I'm sobered up from a 48 pack of what was really soda, lets move onto the reviews!" Quin said, appearing on the wood stage.

**pikmin bro's dares and questions.**

Malon:Kill everyone and everything in OoT Hyrule.

"But I don't wanna!" OoT Malon whined from the stands.

"If you do, I'll let you go on a date with TP Link," Quin said.

"OKAY!" she shouted, running out of the stands.

"Eep!" TP Link squeaked, hiding under his seat.

**Sorry...**

TP Link:Admit that you suck and grab Ilia and bash her into Malon until they both die.

"I only like one part of that dare!" he shouted from his hiding place.

"The whole thing works out for me, but don't start until I get my video camera!" Midna said, vanishing then soon returning with a small camera.

"Wait, which Malon?!" MC Malon asked.

"How about you?" Quin suggested.

"%!#," she muttered.

_A little bit later..._

"This is so going onto my Youtube account!" Midna said.

TP Link had Ilia by the ankles and kept on swinging her into MC Malon who kept on trying to escape. "I-I..."

"Say it!" Quin urged.

"I don't wanna!" he whined, smashing the two girls into each other again.

"_Say it!_" Quin hissed.

"I...suck," TP Link mumbled.

MC Malon fell to the floor, unmoving.

"Why are there horses dancing around my head?" Ilia wondered aloud, before passing out.

"Yes, with those two dead I won't have as much competition for TP Link!" OoT Ruto whispered.

WW Link and OoT Ruto glanced at the Sage of Water with nervous faces.

OoT Link:Break dance then shoot Ruto with a machine gun.

"Best dare I have ever gotten! But I can't really break dance," the Hero of Time mumbled.

"I can help you with that!" Quin exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear.

"Don't do it!" TP Link shouted.

"Promise not to give me any fractures?" OoT Link asked.

"Fine," the Author agreed, snapping her fingers.

OoT Link poofed out of his seat then onto the stage. First, he began to bend his joints in several digusting ways, then spinned on his elbow, followed by flipping into the air, and landing on the top of his head, which he spinned on, too.

OoT Ruto quietly began sneaking away before Midna yanked her by the fin on her arm.

"You ain't goin' no where," the Twilight Princess snarled.

OoT Link grabbed a machine and shouted, "It's tofu time!"

_The scene was blanked out for gut wrenching violence and gore. To bad by law I have to bring Ruto back from the dead. Sorry, an Author rule, plus what's the fun in taking away one of the most annoyed stalker girls in the series?_

Tingle:Kill all of the fairies in the world.

"But-but-but-but-but-but," MM Tingle stuttered.

"I'll buy you the Tinker Bell movie if you do," Quin sighed.

"Oompa Loompa!" he shouteds gleefully. He inflated a balloon and floated away.

"Hey! You forgot one over here!" Young Link shrieked, pointing at Navi who immediately flew into his hat and began yanking out his hair by the roots.

Midna:Shoot monkeys to death with a slingshot.

"A slingshot? You give OoT Link a machine gun and I get a %!#ing slingshot?" Midna snarled.

"Do you wanna do it or not?" Quin asked, folding her arms across her chest.

"...Fine. What monkeys?" Midna groaned.

"The ones from the Forest Temple in TP and you can steal TP Link's slingshot," she replied.

"This'll take me a few minutes."

_At the Forest Temple..._

"It's either me or the endless pit," Midna growled, aiming the slingshot at the monkey who she corned at a cliff.

WW Link:Eat a muffin. No torture for you.

"But what _kind_ of muffin?" WW Link asked.

"OH, YOU BETTER NOT BE COMPLAINING!" OoT Ruto yelled angrily from her seat.

MC Link:Kill MC Malon by trampling her to death with horses. Then, play Golden Sun on GBA.

"Ummm...okay!" he said.

_At MC Lon Lon Ranch..._

"Only one horse... Darn. I guess I'll have to improvise," MC Link muttered. He glanced at the cows and smiled.

"Um, Link, what're you doing?" MC Malon asked, seeing him open up the main gate to the pasture while on MC Epona.

_At GameStop..._

**Da na na naaaaa! You got the Golden Eye!**

"I am so sick of people doing that in here," the worker said, hanging her head.

"Sorry, it's in my blood," MC Link shrugged.

Ilia:Work at a glue factory, you can't hurt anybody, and you have to kill every horse that comes in.

_At the factory... Sorry, but after a horse walked in Ilia had a seizure and was unable to work._

Quintaso:Give all the Zeldas' ADHD and tell me what you think of my dares.

"My favorite was WW Link's, just a muffin. You don't see too many dares that are actually nice," Quin said smiling and putting on a gas mask.

"What's with the..." OoT Zelda asked.

Everyone except the Zeldas' slipped on a gas mask.

"This is gonna rock," Dark Link said gleefully.

**TimelessParodies dares and questions.**

Dark Link and Quin:Read 'The Start of Something New', Twilight fanfic.

"Ummm... Okay," Quin said, shrugging.

Dark Link:Develope feelings and say what's your favorite colors, wether you enjoy being my compooper (ummm...what?) wallpaper, and if you think I'm a tad bit obsessed.

"Okay, this is gonna take me a while," Dark Link said. He bit down on his bottom lip and closed his eyes.

"What is he doing?" Vaati whispered.

"I think he's trying to tap into his feelings and emotions," Midna replied quietly.

"My favorite color is yellow because it's so bright and cheery, I love being your wallpaper because it makes me feel like a hunk, and I want to go on a date with you," Dark Link gasped quickly, then he blinked and slapped himself. "What did I just say?"

OoT Zelda:Make out with Tingle (WW Tingle since MM Tingle is still tracking down fairies) and say what you thought about it.

"OH, NO $%!#ING WAY!" she shrieked.

A glass box dropped on top of WW Tingle and OoT Zelda, a curtain covered the box and them.

Quin's foot tapped on the stage as time passed and the box and curtain disappeared. WW Tingle was giggling while OoT Zelda was in a fetal position and rocking back and forth.

"So..." Quin murmured.

"What day is it?! Who am I?! Ah! And why does my mouth feel so dry?" OoT Zelda twitched.

TP Ganondorf:I think your skin would be cooler pink, do you think TP Zelda would fall in love with you if it was?

"That wasn't a dare, right?" he asked hopeful.

"Er, no," Quin replied.

"I LOVE YOU, TIMELESSPARODIES!" TP Ganondorf shouted, falling to his knees. "And probably."

"Hey! I resent that!" TP Zelda yelled.

Any Link:Do you wish you could reach up to the stars and take them down? (Too lazy to type the whole thing).

"Alas, if the stars were gone only the moon would inhabit the night sky. So...yes!" Dark Link said.

"What happened to your feelings?" WW Link asked curiously.

"What do you think? They're back in the very deep depthes of my mind! That's where!" he shouted in reply.

Ilia and OoT Malon:Would you let a horse eat you alive if it was starving? I dare Ilia to do it...

"YES!" they shout together.

"This is where it gets good, folks!" Quin said happily, bringing in a starving horse.

_Ilia and Malon argued with each other of who would actually feed themself to the neglected horse. With a fainting blow to the head thanks to Midna, Ilia won and got eaten then crapped out, sadly, she was still alive....barely._

Saria:Why don't you dye your hair purple? I dare you to!

"But then my outfit wouldn't match!" OoT Saria complained.

"Too bad! To the salon," the Author commanded.

"AWESOME! Lets go together!" TP Zelda said.

_After a long trip..._

OoT Saria was now all purple. "You know, I don't look half bad! Next time I'm going for red."

Quin:What do you think of the story, 'Sleeping Beauty'?

"Oh, wow, can you say, 'Waking up desperate' ten times fast? Oh and, I totally kicked Maleficent's butt in Kingdom Hearts 1!" Quin exclaimed.

_Did I spell her name right?_

TP Link:Tinkle pants... Hee-hee.

"I hate my life," he said.

Quin:Can you answer the cow-poem question?

"How about it comes over HERE so I can make it into a double cheeseburger!" Quin said, her stomach growling.

Dark Link:I LOVE YOU! Do you like having a person who cares about you? Do you care that you've crushed my spirit if you said no?

"Whatever. No. And no," he replied.

"Crap! He's more heartless than me!" Midna hissed.

Midna:Will you team up with me to destory all of TP Link's fangirls?

"%#!$ YES!" Midna screamed joyfully, jumping out of her seat. "Let me grab my crossbow and flamethrower and I'm ready!" She ran out of the stands, heading for the exit.

Quin:Who won the betting for TP Link?

"Uhhhh..." Quin glanced over at TP Zelda who was holding a huge bag of rupees.

**Super Dragon's dares and questions.**

Author:I dare you to read my Truth or Dare fic.

"Um, okay!" Quin agreed.

Midna:Use your powers to burn everything you hate alive.

"All ready did," she laughed.

"Oh yeah. Didn't you kill me?" TP Zelda realized.

"Yes, but she brought you back!" Midna said, pointing at the Author.

"THERE ARE RULES!" Quin snapped angrily.

OoT and TP Ganondorf:Warlock punch each other at the same time.

"All right, hold it... Hold it... Now!" Quin said, urging the Evil King's to charge up.

They both realized, their fists colliding into each other, and they both flew into the sky.

"Whoa..." WW Link murmured.

TP Link:Marry Midna forever!

"YOU BETTER THINK AGAIN IF THAT IDIOT'S GONNA STEAL MY GIRL!" Vaati screeched, snapping his fingers.

TP Link:Marry OoT Ruto forever!

"My life just keeps on getting worse, y'know?" TP Link muttered.

OoT Zelda:Why can't she ever do anything useful? With a glitch you can get through the Spirit Temple without the warp song.

"Um... Er... Yep, you're right, she's completely useless!" Quin agreed.

OoT Zelda:Please explain why switching genders would be impossible?

"I'm, she's kinda still insane to answer that," Quin mumbled, scratching her forehead.

"Why is everyone wearing reen spandex?!" OoT Zelda shrieked, still twitching.

"Lets just leave that up to the game designers."

**OH, MY GOSH, THAT TOOK ME FOREVER! You better be thankful or...or...I'll cry or something!**


	67. Happy Thanksgiving!

**Okay, okay, okay, okay...**

Quin sat down in that box where the two people are narrating the game or whatever. She slips on a headset and plays CD player, 'Ice Queen' by Within Temptation plays.

"Welcome to ZMM's tournament. According to a very wanted request, I have no choice but to finally create it. This is the LAST request I'm doing, deal with it or I'm sending Midna to your house. Now, a comercial then we'll go onto the first fight."

_Screen goes blank then shows Midna holding a battle axe._

"Stalkers following you?" a picture of Ilia, OoT Ruto, and OoT Malon flashed across the screen, "Annoying parents?" a picture of Navi went onto the screen, "Former boyfriends and girlfriends who act like the break up never happened?" More pictures of Ilia, OoT Ruto, and OoT Malon came back up, "Hello, I'm Midna, Princess of the Twilight Realm, and I have an answer to all of your problems," she said, brandishing the axe.

"There's nothing a good beating can't solve. Just call my not-toll-free-number right now so your problem will either die, leave in pain, or die," she continued.

**Just call '1-800-Midna-Kills-U' right now! Call within ten minutes and get free plastic sword, just pay total of 109.95 of shipping and handling. Call now!..... DO IT!**

_Screen goes blank and returns to Quin._

"Welcome back, I hope you enjoyed that, doesn't Midna work wonders? I all ready got her picking off guys who like pink because guys who like pink are completely insane!" Quin shrieked. "Well, um, anyways. Lets move onto the first match, all ready in progress."

"In the red corner stands Lacri!" OoT Link said in the microphone.

Midna appeared in the middle of the arena holding a shotgun. "NO CAMEOS ALLOWED! UNION RULES!" she yelled, cocking the gun and aiming.

_At the house..._

"I'm just saying we could've asked Lacri to leave nicely! You didn't have to blow the person to pieces," Quin said, digging into her Thanksgiving dinner.

"Fans can get upset when they're politely asked to bug off when they were expecting their wishes to be fulfilled," Midna replied, taking a sip of her martini.

"Yeah, well, thanks to you, I might've lost a loyal fan! I'm never shopping at your Walmart again!" the Author said angrily.

"Puh-lease, like I need you to keep my company up and running. Since the holidays are coming my products are in high demands," the Twilight Princess said proudly.

"Oh, yeah? What product?" Dark Link asked, taking a bite of his dark turkey meat.

"Well, for instance, my DVD collection has been bought out...twice. I can't believe they call that crap entertainment. I mean, Prince Caspian got me dishing out a week's worth of food, Jumper and Hancock were both alike-" Midna first began.

"Ugh, I hate those two superhero movies. Atleast Super Man and Spider Man actually had background story of _why_ they had their powers! In Jumper and Hancock, they just show up and say, 'I've got powers and that's all you need to know!' They leave us completely clueless! I'd like to have some scientific facts, thank you very much," Quin snapped.

"Have you noticed that the Author seems a bit more pissed of then usual?" Dark Link whispered to OoT Ganondorf.

"It's that time of the month," he murmured. Across from the table the Author glared at them.

"Anyways, since it's a special time of the year, lets all give thanks to what were, um, thankful for. I'll start. I'm thankful that Zelda Mini Madness has been going great, I haven't had any flames so far, and I'd like to keep it that way. Lets hope we'll make it a whole year!" Quin said gratefully.

"I'm thankful for guns, maces, fangirls for target practice, battle axes, fighting games, rated 'R' movies, girly guys that I can beat up both physically and emotionally-" Midna began, counting them off her fingers.

"Okay, that's good. OoT _Young_ Ruto...?" Quin said.

"Hey! I'm not done! I haven't even started yet!" Midna snapped.

"You can give thanks more next year. Next!" the Author growled.

"Well, I'm thankful for little boys who don't mind carrying me on top of their head, having four eyes, green skin, and a father who is too fat to chase me when I get in big trouble!" the young Zora princess said happily.

"I'm thankful that I don't have a billion fangirls who won't glomp me to death everytime I leave the house and the shadows in the dark corners of my room that no light can take distinguish," Dark Link spoke up next.

"Okay, I don't think we have enough time in the day for everyone to give thanks. So, happy Thanksgiving day everybody!" Quin shouted joyfully.


	68. Various Christmas Crap

**Christmas lists...**

"I need more paper!" Midna said, setting down her pen on the counter which she was sitting at.

"You've all ready went through the stack I gave you guys?!" Quin exclaimed, who was making brownies.

"How do you spell 'assassin'?" OoT Link asked, looking up from his half-way-done list at the couch.

"Why do you need an assassin for Christmas...?" Quin trailled off, she glanced over at TP Link, then rolled her eyes. "T-E-D-D-Y B-E-A-R," she spelled out instead.

"Okay," he replied, quickly scrambling it down on the paper.

"It's a miracle you can even write, or are you cheating by having Navi in your hat and whispering how to move the pencil?" Midna questioned, grinning slyly.

"Ummm... _Nooo_," OoT Link mumbled, looking downwards.

**Christmas shopping...**

"Dark Link, did you want a sword with a red blade or a black blade? I can't remember!" TP Link said, holding up two swords at Midna's Walmart.

Quin slapped her hand over her face and shook her head while Dark Link was trying hard not to laugh.

**Christmas tree...**

"Hey! These trees aren't decorated!" TP Link exclaimed as they stepped into a grove where hundreds of different trees were fully grown.

"You remember that Timeless Parodies asked if the Links' were blonde or brunette?" Midna asked.

"Yes, I also remember a certain 'blonde joke,' too," Quin replied.

**Christmas beliefs...**

"OoT Link told me that Santa doesn't exist!" TP Link cried, tears running down his face as he stomped into the house through the sliding glass door.

"Oh, for the Love of Nayru..." Quin muttered, hanging her head as she was busy hanging up the stockings at the fireplace that seemed to have not been noticed in the other minis....

_Yeah, I can make objects appear! Dang right. P. it? 'Love of Nayru'? 'Nayru's Love'? Heh heh..._

**Well, I think I'm witty. Anyways, "Christmas wrapping, dot, dot, dot"**

"Midna, you didn't even wrap the gifts you got!" Quin exclaimed, looking under the gigantic tree.

"Why bother? They're gonna just open 'em up soon anwyays, besides it safes me a bundle!" the Twilight Princess replied.

**Christmas decorating...**

"What do you think? The OoT Great Fairy or the WW Great Fairy for the top of the tree? I like Wind waker Version 'cause it looks like she actually has clothes on, but the fact that she has four arms is kidna creepy," Quin said, holding up the two 'replacements' for what's supposed to be a 'star.'

"I know! How about Majora's Mask version!" MM Link shouted.

"How did you even survive Rocky's attack?!" Quin yelled in shock.

"May I remind you of the 'Author Guidelines'? You can't kill characters you don't own!" he snickered.

"I don't have very much money, but I'm wondering if being sued will affect my video game collection," Quin said thoughtfully. "Midna, is blood that hard to wash out?"

"Nope!"


	69. Top Six

Quin:You know what I'm sick of?!

Midna:Crap, here she goes again...

OoT Link:What?

Midna:She's gonna make up a list of what makes her pissed off and take up the whole mini.

OoT Link:Oh...

**Top 6 things about Zelda fanfics that tick me off:**

**#1:The Author pairs him/herself with a character they love -CoughDarkLinkCoughLinkCoughADozenOtherCharacters-**

**#2:No details of where they are, or how they look, or anything! **

**#3:They always make Ganondorf so gay! HE IS NOT EFFING GAY!**

**#4:They pair up Link with some girl in the series and hate all of the other choices. LEARN TO RESPECT OTHER OPPINIONS! I'm trying to learn that, it **_**is**_** a mature thing to do!**

**#5:At first the story starts off really great, then just stops with a horrible finish. If you're gonna write a story give it your all! DON'T BE LIKE ME! Gosh...**

**#6:The summarys with "can Link save the world?!" DUH! OF COURSE! Why ask a question in the summary when it always ends with evil being defeated! Please find me a fic where evil actualy wins! (THAT'D BE AWESOME!) In fact... Nevermind, pretend you didn't read that..... Crap.**

**That's all I can think of...**

Quin folded her arms and pouted as she sat down in a lawn chair in the backyard.

"You're just picky when it comes down to movies, stories, food, and people," Midna said, who was sitting in the hot tub.

"So what? I like things with good quality! And where has Vaati been all these minis? He hasn't been around very much, like at all," the Author mused with a small smile.

"Our relationship has hit a snag, as some people would say," the Twilight Princess snapped.

Dark Link looked up, his face filled with hope.

**Oh, like you haven't pictured them together!**

"And?" Quin urged, the smile growing.

"And we've decided to take a break, for a very, very long time," Midna sighed, playing with the olive in her martini.

"Ah. OoT Link, put the chainsaw back in the shed, I've told you a dozen times TP Link will die of natural video game causes," the Author shouted at the Hero of Time who was across the pool.

OoT Link pouted and walked back to the tool shed.

"'Natural video game causes'?" Midna quoted.

"Translated, 'suffocation by fangirl glomping'," Quin replied.


	70. Relationships

Unasnwered questions:

Super Dragon asked:Again, are you a guy when transforming into Sheik? (Or something along those lines)

OoT Zelda replied:Why can't I just change into an outfit _looking_ like a guy? Why go far as having a gender switching operation? What's the point?! I'm gonna go paint my nails and watch Gilmore Girls!

Senom299:You just lost a valuable customer!

Midna replied:And I care _why?_

**Now for your highly demanded mini!**

"It's kinda like we're growing up all together, you know? I mean, _70!_ It seems like yesterday I was making up bad puns-" Quin said.

"I don't rememember that many bad puns," Midna murmured.

"-and staring desperately waiting for hits and precious reviews. Wow, I can't believe it. Soon we'll all be a 100! 1-freakin'-hundred, Midna!" the Author exclaimed, excited as she continued to play Harvest Moon on the large, living room tv.

"You make it sound like I _am_ seventy years old," the Twilight Princess grumbled, sipping her vodka.

"By the way, what's up with Vaati and you? I ask because I'm sure some fans wanna know," Quin asked.

"It's just...ever since we began dating I haven't had much time to myself," Midna sighed.

"Translated:You've only been drunk three times this month!" Quin said, smiling.

"Oh, shut up!" Midna yelled, slapping the teenaged girl in the back of her head.

Quin looked blankly at Midna, her eyebrows began raising.

"Sorry," Midna mumbled.

_A bit later into the day..._

The doorbell rang throughout the house, too bad everyone was too lazy to get up and answer it until it rang again for the seventeenth time.

"What?! Oh... Sorry," Quin said, opening the door seeing a man holding a package. "Er, thanks." She took the parcel and shut the door. "Midna, it's for you!" the Author shouted, tossing the box to the couch where the Twili sat.

The package landed on her lap.

"Don't throw this! _It's breakable!_" Midna hissed.

"Oooh! What is it?! What is it?!" Quin asked, hopping on the couch next to her.

"Okay, calm down. It's a present," Midna said smiling.

"For who?! Vaati?"

"How the freakin' crap did you know that?!" Midna asked, bewildered.

"I'm the _Author_ of this series, plus you accidently paid through my Ebay account," Quin admitted. "So, let me get this straight, you wanted a 'break' from Vaati so you can spend more time saving up, and getting the perfect Christmas gift, am I right?"

"You take all the fun out of making the fans desperate for information, I was gonna keep it a secret 'cause a viewer was going to give me 50 bucks just so I would spill it! They actually thought I broke up with Vaati and Dark Link wants to date me!" Midna said, rolling her eyes.

"Wait, Dark Link was apart of this whole scheme?" Quin questioned.

"Something you actually didn't know!" Midna gasped, clapping her hands to her cheeks acting surprised. "You can get him to do anything for a free Linkin Park CD, even if he all ready has it."

"So, does Vaati know about this?"

"Eh, no, I thought maybe it would be cool to actually have a break. He's been talking about trying to be a good guy, which is sucks because him being an evil, cute Minish was the reason I dated him. So, I told him to make a decision while I waited," Midna explained.

**Okay, Midna and Vaati apart for a little while. What other relationships will spring up this Christmas?! Got any, um, ideas? By the way, the present, it's a surprise! Gotta wait till Christmas! Haha... Yes, I'm a very cruel Author. Mwahaha!...ha!**


	71. News & News

"Traitorous witch!" Midna shrieked, pointing her finger at the Author as Quin entered the backyard.

"Uh, what?" Quin asked, raising an eyebrow.

"How dare you sneak behind our backs and promise the public a _new_ series of comedy! I mean, what about us?! I mean, 'Legend of Zelda:Twilight Princess' has all ready been forgotten ever since 'Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe' and all those other great games came out. Without you, how am I supposed to get free coffee at Starbucks?! I could resort to violence, but I'd rather safe my battle axe for the drooling, stalking, restraining-order-increasing fanboys!" Midna shouted, jumping out of the hot tub.

Vaati gave Quin a confused look as well, he was also in the hot tub along with TP Zelda, Nabooru, and Dark Link.

"Wait, you two back together?" Quin asked, peering over Midna's shoulder at the Minish.

"Well, ye-" Vaati began.

"Don't avoid the topic, _Author_. Are you or are you not going to create another hilarious, infamous franchise?!" The Twilight Princess shrieked.

"YES! Good Godesses, Midna! Of course I am, it's what I _do_. ZMM won't be the only comedy I'll write, who knows?! A Pokemon story may be on its way, too, but only the future may tell! Don't freak on me, it's not like I'm gonna forget you like some Webcomic Artists," Quin sighed. "Now, back to you, are you and Vaati dating again?"

"Oh, well. Um... Okay then. Yes, since he wanted to give another shot at ruling 'Midget Land' again," Midna said, climbing back in the hot tub.

Dark Link burst out laughing.

"It's not funny!" Vaati hissed angrily. "Not my fault that the game designers decided to cram 'Wind Waker's' puny graphics into a small screen, will you just drop it?!"

"I-I can't!" Dark Link gasped, holding his stomach. "The...laughter won't..._stop!_" he choked.

Midna grabbed the hairs on his neck and yanked on it. "Shut up or you and OoT Link will have _another_ other," she snarled.

Dark Link wiped both his eyes and the back of his neck. "Fine," he snapped.

Quin grinned and jumped in the middle of the hot tub. "Canon ball!" she screamed joyfully.

Everyone immediately covered their faces, but got mostly soaked.

"Geez, Author, you can be such a kid. How old are you turning next week? Can I take a stab in the dark and say six?" Dark Link asked, lowering his arms back in the water.

TP Zelda shrieked. "My make-up! The Godesses of the Disney Channel will punish you!" she hissed through her teeth. "The Jonas Brothers will be very angry!"

Nabooru took a fist full of the Princess's hair and pulled her head under water. "Sorry, she'll stop in a minute," she assured the rest.

"I love you!" Midna said.

Vaati glared at the Twili.

"Just not as much as you, sweety."

"Thank you," he replied, satisfied.

"You do realize I have to bring her back to life, right?" Quin pointed out, eyeing the struggling and drowning Princess of Hyrule.

"But there's a chance she'll be less annoying when she's resurrected," Nabooru shrugged, having no trouble keeping TP Zelda under water.

She stopped moving.

Quin groaned and snapped her fingers. "Well, being an Author does have its quirks."

TP Zelda sat up and glared at Nabooru, but didn't say anything.

"Hey, it's a Christmas miracle!" Vaati gasped, staring wide-eyed at TP Zelda.

"Anyways, what were the terms of you two dating again?" Quin questioned, turning torwards the Twili and Minish.

"Well, I'm trying to convince him that it would be better that he should try conquering the TP Hyrule, much better in graphics and totally worth more ransom," Midna explained.

"TP Ganondorf would just be pissed!" Vaati shouted. "You know how he gets when he hears some other villian wandering around in _his_ game, he totally flips! Well, 'cept maybe Zant, who in fact wears a dress..."

"FOR THE LAST TIME IT'S A ROBE, PEOPLE!" Zant yelled from inside the house.

"So, is anyone dating OoT Link, just out of curiousity..." Nabooru mumbled.

Everyone's heads jerked in the Spirit Sage's direction, their mouths wide open.

"Wh-what?!" she asked.

Dark Link burst out laughing again. "It hurts even _more!_"

**Thanks for the idea!**


	72. Killings 4 U

**Here's my excuse for being late...**

"Author, I know you're a video game geek, but playing two games at once should be left impossible!" Dark Link said.

Quin was sitting at the couch, playing Final Fantasy XII on the PS2 and her silver DS was hovering in the air next to her, on that she was playing Pokemon Ranger:Shadows of Almia. "Shut up. I'm on winter break, I should be able to play as much video games as long as I can!"

"But you still have to do school work, am I right?" Dark Link asked, grinning.

"Do you know what ZMM is lacking right about now?" Midna said thoughtfully.

"What?" Quin asked, the stylus on her DS moving by itself and the buttons were being pushed down, too.

"More killings!" Midna exclaimed.

_At the arena which is in some unknown area..._

"Whoever kills the most annoying characters wins!" Midna shouted, wielding her battle axe. which also had a spike at the handle's end making it two weapons in one.

"Gotcha," Quin replied, holding two maces in each hand.

"And absolutely no Author powers!" Dark Link snapped, holding his regular weapons, imitations of the real Hylian Shield and the Master Sword.

"Fine, fine," she sighed.

Various characters that are well known for their specific creepy things we all know them for were standing or running around the arena.

**Ready? **_**Go!**_

"What...the crap was that?" Midna asked, looking around for the person who said the previous words.

"Have you never played a fighting game?" Quin groaned.

"I'd rather kill people in reality, much more fun and rewarding!" Midna exclaimed, grinning.

"How is it rewarding?" the Author questioned.

"I don't know, I always get this warm feeling inside whenever I behead an old, fragile lady, that or it's the cops shooting at me," Midna laughed.

"Ah, that, er, makes sense," Quin mumbled, noticing that Dark Link was chasing Ilia across the battle field. "Oh crap! Dark Link's gonna win!"

Midna immediately jumped into the fray of the fleeing Zelda characters, swinging her axe in the direction of TP Zelda who was playing Jonas Brothers music on her CD player, _loudly_. The princess of the Twilight Princess version of Hyrule soon had a battle axe slicing through her entire chest like a sharp knife through paper.

"Ooh! There's that warm feeling again!" Midna said, while smashing the CD player before the horrible voices of the 'Brothers' could be heard anymore.

"Maybe it's the freshly exposed blood?" Quin suggested, aiming her maces at TP Link who was busying trying to run away and look into a hand-held mirror.

"Could be, but still the feeling rocks! It gets my heart racing," Midna replied, putting her sights on MM Tingle who was floating up in the air by the use of a large, red baloon he's very well known for.

"Do Twili even have hearts?!"

"Pfft, who knows? The Twili back in the Twilight Realm they really just remind me of Redead, except they just stand there moaning," Midna sighed, preparing to jump into the air to reach the fairy maniac, forty year old in spandex.

"Long live horses!" Ilia shrieked, her last words when Dark Link slid his sword through her throat.

**Well, since the Author guidelines I had to bring all the dead characters to life, so the tournament just ended up to be a very awesome, entertaining game for us three. And now two more things for me to say...**

"I haven't heard any of the 'Twilight series' freaks screech about the new movie," Vaati pointed out as they all sat down in some Chinese restraunt.

"They all were at a Jonas Brothers concert, then they were all dragged to prison for trying to kidnap the Jonas Brothers again, so they didn't make it to the midnight showing," Quin replied, chowing down on pot stickers.

**I'm not gonna see the freaking movie, I'm waiting for my mom to rent it, so then I won't waste my money seeing a movie I'll have a 100% chance of hating. So if I don't see it, then I can't say any of the characters have seen it.**

**P.S.:My second thing, try and type the words to a song while listening to it! It's fun!**


	73. Christmas Day

**Merry Christmas everybody! Hope you all get to open your presents nice and early!**

_In the morning..._

"Where's Midna?! I wanna open my presents!" OoT Malon whined.

"Well, before I go wake her up, I have something to do," Quin said, suddenly remembering.

"What?" the red head asked.

Quin grabbed a butcher knife from a kitchen drawer and threw it torwards the farm girl's direction...

**Dun dun duuun!**

"Ooh! What a pretty white, backyard!" OoT Malon exclaimed, running to the living room sliding glass door, outside there was atleast over a foot of snow.

TP Link fell over, the knife had stuck him in his back.

"Dangit!" Qun shouted angrily.

_The way to wake people up for Christmas..._

"Now, you're positive no one will hurt me for doing this with you?" OoT Link asked, nervously holding the plastic gun that looked very similar to a water blaster.

"Not a hundred percent, no, but I wanna open my presents! And this is the only hilariously way to get people out of bed that I could think of," Quin hissed, holding a larger plastic blaster.

"Hey, what about me?!" TP Link asked, who was just a poe floating beside them.

"Oh, go crawl in a grave," Quin snapped.

"Make me!" the poe of TP Link said, folding its arms across its ragged, grey robe. The lantern in the left hand swung from side to side.

"Well, I'd be glad to actually!" Quin exclaimed.

"Er, Author?" OoT Link murmured, noticing something wrong.

"What?" she asked.

Quin was fading...

"Ah, frick! Fine, fine, fine. Dumb guidelines..." Quin growled, waving her hand in the direction of the poe, which soon formed back into a completely alive TP Link.

"Ha! Copy rights rock!" he shouted happily.

Quin returned to normal, she punched TP Link in the jaw. "Shut it, you're gonna wake everyone up!" she hissed.

"Okay, okay!" TP Link mumbled. "I'm gonna wait downstairs." He dashed down the staircase to the first floor.

Quin looked back down at her water gun, then grinned. "Lets hit it!" she said, smashing down the door they were standing in front of.

_After a quick drying off..._

"You better hope I get some hair products! You ruined my style," TP Zelda cried, trying to brush out her hair which had the level of tangles of a bird's nest.

"Quit your whinin', you didn't get it as bad as OoT Zelda," Quin replied, rolling her eyes.

OoT Zelda was sitting between Dark Link and Vaati, she was glaring angrily at OoT Link who was cowering next to the large Christmas tree. She was soaked through and through.

"What happened?" Midna asked, who was sitting by Vaati.

"My blaster exploded in front of her," OoT Link mumbled.

"I'm taking back my present for you!" OoT Zelda declared.

"Did you even get him a present?" the Twili asked, smiling.

"Er, no..."

"Anyways! First present..." Quin interupted their conversation.

_Everyone began opening their presents..._

"How am I supposed to hold three swords?!" Dark Link shouted, looking down at his gifts on his lap.

"Umm, Talon..." OoT Link threw the gift to no one since the old farmer wasn't even invited.

"Wait, that's Malon's!" Quin exclaimed, watching the present fall onto Ilia's lap. The red wrapped box exploded, killing the number one obsessed horse girl. "DANGIT!"

"Awww, Midna, a new cloak!" Vaati said with joy, holding up a cloak.

"Try it on!" Midna demanded.

The Minish threw off his own robe and put the new one on, which was the exact same as the one before... "I love it!" he said.

Quin stared blankly at the couple, extremely confused.

"Um, this is to me from...Nabooru..." OoT Link murmured, ripping apart his gift. It was a box, which the lid burst open, revealing a Wolfos pup. "AHHH! QUICK, KILL IT!" he screamed, dropping the gift and crawling backwards away from it.

The Wolfos dashed up to him, jumped onto his chest, and licked his face. Its tail wagging a mile a minute.

"Awwwww! I want one!" TP Zelda said, getting on her knees and petting it on the head.

The Wolfos immediately turned around and bit her nose, its teeth sinking through the skin like a knife through paper.

The Princess screamed, yanked her face away, and jumping onto a chair. "Get it away from me!"

"It automatically fends off annoying girls," Nabooru said. "I trained it my self."

"Can it hurt people if I command it to?" OoT Link asked.

"Yup!"

"I LOVE IT!" he shouted, jumping up and then hugged Nabooru.

"Y'know, it is kinda cute," Quin agreed, scratching the pup behind ears.

TP Link edged torwards the front door, he and the Wolfos were locked in eye contact.

"This won't be pretty," Dark Link said, grinning.

_The next day..._

"YES! Finally!" Quin shouted, finishing off OoT Malon but sticking a sword into her stomach.

"Dark Link, I like my clone making machine, but I think they're attracting death like a curse!" a different OoT Malon pointed out, standing at the sliding glass door.

"You're enjoying making this harder for me, aren't you?" the Author snarled, looking over at Dark Link who was in the hot tub. The clone of Malon fell into the pool.

"It's much more of a sport this way!" he said, shrugging.

**Hope you all had a great Christmas and a soon to be New Years! I'll get around to finally finsihing off OoT Malon.**


	74. Grape Jelly

**Sorry, working on the start of my new comedy series over at Fiction Press, just put up the first chapter. Heh... Wonder what the Zelda characters have been up to sicne I've been gone... Aww crap!**

Quin shrieked as soon as she peered into the front door of the house. "WHAT THE CRAP HAPPENED IN HERE?!"

The entire room was covered in grape jelly, TP Link, OoT Link, and Young Link all were standing in different places, holding up bulging baloons. They froze when they saw the Author.

"Um, surprize? We know how grape jelly is your favorite jam, so this is your birthday present from us!" TP Link mumbled, hiding the baloon behind his back.

"My birthday was in December, strawberry is my favorite, and what the frick is your problems?! I leave for a couple weeks, or so, and you mess up the whole living room?!" Quin screamed, her fists shaking from anger.

"Well, not really _just_ the living room..." TP Link admitted.

OoT Link threw his baloon at him, nailing him in the face, grape jelly splattered the kitchen cabnets and counters. "Shut it!" the Hero of Time hissed.

**Sorry I've been gone, doing all sorts of stuff... Here's some more 'Mini Madness' for yah.**

"I swear, if I wasn't distracted I'd put you in time out, and by 'time out' I mean 'the bottom of a well,'" Quin growled, polishing an axe.

"For the last time we're sorry!" Young Link groaned.

"Whatever. Has anyone seen OoT Malon? I've gotta brutally murder her before the fans become agitated," the Author questioned.

"Like they aren't all ready agitated from the lack of updates," Young Link said under his breath.

Quin glared at him.

"Can I trade you OoT Malon's location for my body being unharmed?" he asked.

"Possibly," she snarled.

_Later..._

"Ha-ha! Finally, I got you!" Quin exclaimed, hacking OoT Malon's body with the sharpened axe.

"Nooo! All horses I haven't saved yet! I hope they have ponies in horse heaven!" the red head screamed.

_At some fancy restraunt._

Midna's eye twitched.

"What's wrong?" Vaati asked.

"I sense a death that wasn't caused by me. Hmm..." she murmured.


	75. 4th Wall Shattered Again

**Heh, grape jelly...**

"Heh, grape jelly..." MM Link repeated.

Quin punched him in the head. "Don't you dare start copying me!" she snarled.

"Don't you dare start copying me!" MM Link snarled back.

Quin glared at him and folded her arms, not saying another thing.

_Afterwards:_

"I can't believe she grounded me from grape jelly," TP Link grumbled. "And why just me?!"

"Grape jelly?! She found the mess under the kitchen sink, I'm banished from peanut butter until further notice," OoT Link snapped.

"Well, there goes our project to finding out who exactly made up the peanut butter and jelly sandwitch. I didn't see the jelly or peanut butter crawling to the breadbox one inche!" Young Link sadly exclaimed.

"Me neither. It also answers my question 'if things have minds and actions of their own.' I still need to figure out how that cool stuffed statue of OoT Malon showed up in my closet!" TP Link said frustrated.

Midna snickered while OoT Malon, in a new body, glared at her from behind the couch.

"MM Link, get out of here! I've barely played Majora's Mask, so until later on, _get out!_" Quin shouted, as the Majora's Mask version of the Links' followed the Author from downstairs.

He was just about to repeat what she said when he got hit in the head with a cinder block and fell to the other, knocked out both cold and hot.

**Don't ask how. I've all ready broken the rule of breaking the dead back to life, besides it wasn't me!**

"Who threw that?" Quin asked.

"Me," Midna immediately raised her hand.

"Seriously?"

"Nah, but I _wish_ it was me!" the Twilight Princess sighed.

"You'll get another chance. How about we both go out to your Wal-mart's parking lot and beat old people with metal bats?" Vaati suggested, a smile forming on his face.

"You sure know how to touch a Twili's heart," Midna agreed. They both got up and left.

"Do you think they slaughter innocent people on all of their dates?" OoT Link asked, watching the couple walk out of the front door, soon a car engine roared and faded as they drove through people's yards, hitting little kids, a dog, and a mailman.

"Probably," Quin murmured.

"By the way, it was me. I hit MM Link, he's an annoying older me," Young Link spoke up. "Plus he keeps on complaining that I have a bigger role than him."

"Ah," the Author said.

"Well, now what?" TP Link sighed.

"We need a punchline!" OoT Link realized, staring up at the reader(s). "And quick! That person is starting to creep me out, with their non-graphic eyes as if I was some sort of thign that they can play on a game or something!"

Quin stared at the Hero of Time with her eyebrows up. "_Yeaaah_."


	76. SoulHolding Toys

The following mini has several references from the 'Fatal Frame' video game series, so if you haven't seen it...too bad! XD

**OoT Link...**

"What?!" he screamed back at really no one. He was busy playing Quin's silver DS, you could hear Pokemon Ranger:Shadows of Almia music playing.

**Explain to the readers...**

"_Fine_." OoT Link cleared his throat. "What I meant by 'non-graphics eyes' is that I, us characters, are all graphics, you, readers, players, or whatever, aren't. We belong in a video games with awesome graphics, you don't." He paused. "Happy?!"

**Heh, yes.**

_At Midna's Wal-Mart..._

"Ooh! Ooh! Quin, can I have this camera?!" TP Link asked, jumping up and down in place holding a digital camera.

"No! And you're completely banned from those 'Fatal Frame' walkthroughs on Youtube!" Quin snapped angrily.

_At the house..._

"WHERE'S MY CAMERA?!" Quin shrieked, after finding out her camera from Christmas was gone.

Downstairs TP Link, in the living room, he held the digital camera up to his face, carefully zooming in on Dark Link who fell asleep on the couch with a bag of potatoe chips on his lap.

"What're you doing?" Dark Link mumbled, an eye opening up. He had woken up by Quin's outburst from her bedroom.

"Ah! Stay back! I'll snap a fatal frame if you come near me! Tell the tattooed woman she's never touching me," TP Link hissed, jumping back.

"What the... _Ooooh_. I get it." Dark Link had a thoughtful expression on his face then immediately leaped onto his feet, the bag of chips falling onto the floor. "I am ghost from the Manor of Sleep, I will touch you, and you will get the bruise!" he whispered, having a hard time to keep from laughing.

TP Link's eyes widened. He raised the camera again, then waited for Dark Link to take a few steps torwards him before snapping a picture.

Dark Link blinked, then grinned. "_Your digital contraption doesn't work on me! You need the camera obscura to defeat me!_" he hissed, laughing like a maniac.

"Oh &%!!" TP Link yelled, running for the stairs.

_Sometime later..._

OoT Zelda opened the kitchen pantry and jumped back in surprize, TP Link was hiding in there. "Holy crap! You scared me. Why are you in there?"

"Shhh!" he whispered. "I can't find the 'camera obscura' so I'm stuck here until Dark Link goes away."

"Dark Link's not a ghost," the Princess said, rolling her eyes.

"Are you positive? He sure looks like one and he said he was one, too!" TP Link pointed out, glancing over her shoulder.

Before OoT Zelda could reply, the pantry door was slammed shut, and she was ynaked away by the Author.

"Are you trying to ruin my day?! Losing my camera to that nitwit is the best thing that's ever happened in this place!" she hissed. "It's like my headache is completely gone."

"Author, I think I'm stuck in the dryer again... Yep, pretty sure. Um, Midna? What're you doing?" OoT Link called from the laundry room.

"Okay, maybe not _completely_ gone, but it's good enough!" Quin sighed.

"Midna, stop it! Don't you dare turn that on!" OoT Link shrieked, looking up at the Twili through the glass dryer door.

Soon Midna stepped out of the room, you could hear the Hero of Time shouting, and thumping around in the dryer that was on full blast.

"IT'S THE GHOSTS! THEY'RE AFTER ME!" TP Link screamed, bursting out of the pantry and running right into the sliding glass door, getting knocked out cold.

"Man, I love this place," Dark Link murmured, lifting up a root beer bottle then taking a sip.

"Never gets boring does it?" Quin asked.

_Outside..._

"Officer, you don't understand! Those people are abbusing that pony," Ilia cried as she was being cuffed outside near the Author's house.

"That so called pony was _plastic_ miss, there was no reaosn to break in, and bash their daughter's head into the wall!" the officer snapped, pushing her into the back of his car.

"It only looks plastic! But hear me now, horses souls are imprisoned in plastic pony toys, OoT Malon told me so!" Ilia shrieked.

"OoT Malon, eh? I'll just make a note of that..."


	77. Their Careers

**Thanks for being so patient for me to update, if you weren't then I'm really sorry!**

**Midna**

Hired hooker...

"YOUR A _WHAT?!_" Vaati shrieked.

"Uhhh... It was all the Author!" Midna said, pointing at Quin who was scurrying out of the room.

"Does that mean I have to pay for you now?!" Vaati shouted.

Midna blinked, while Quin stared at the Minish with horror all over her expression.

Actress...

"Cut, cut! Midna, you're not supposed to kill the orphans, you're supposed to rescue them from the bomb!" the director shouted.

Midna was aiming her gun at one of the parentless little kids. "But..."

"No!" he snapped.

"Maybe just one tiny bullet?" she pleaded.

"Absolutely not!"

Midna shot him then began to chase the kids. "No one tells me what to do!" she declared.

Singer...

_"All fangirls shall be impaled_

_All horses turned into glue_

_No whiny fanboy will be safe, from this Twilight Princess"_ (Midna)

_"The royal Twili shall inject you with nightmares_

_No child's bedroom in the night will be left undisturbed_

_Yes, even Tingle shall be slaughtered" _(Background singers:random Twili)

_"If you dare come into my mart_

_you will stilll wonder why Vaati chose my heart"_ (Midna)

(Vaati is doing the moonwalk across the stage from behind Midna)

**All I could come up with.**

One of those who blackmail rich people then steal their money...

"How did you get people to give you cash again? Abduct their kids?" Vaati asked, seeing the suitcase of bills on Midna's lap in the living room.

"Not exactly..."

_In the basement..._

"MIDNA! WHY ARE THERE A TON OF DOGS IN HERE?!" Quin screamed.

_Back upstairs..._

"People get way too attached to their pets," Midna declared happily.

**TP Link**

One of those linsk that you click on that leads you to a website...

_On the google search page..._

"Uhhh, hello?" TP Link asked, looking around the white page.

A mouse appeared on the page and went on his stomach, then it clicked.

"AH! That tickles!" he complained, trying to shoo it away.

Salesman...

"Well, boss, I sold all of the cars! They kept on coming, too!" TP Link exclaimed proudly. "I even washed the cars and took off those ugly plastic things with those big numbers on 'em. I'm still wondering why you had those on there..."

His boss's eye twitched.

_Back at the house..._

"Isn't it great?! He said he was giving me a vacation _for life!_" TP Link shouted happily.

Quin stared at him wide eyed in shock.

Fighting teacher...

"All you really have to do is swing your sword!" TP Link said. Before him stood all girls with wood swords, drooling. "Really nothing to it! You'll all be strolling into NPCs houses and breaking pots in no time!"

Male model...

_"Will Jane and TP Link step forward?" Tyra asked._

_The two stood in front of her._

_"TP Link, congratulations, you're still ont he road being American's next top model!"_

The tv was shut off.

"How did he even get into that competition?" Quin asked.

"They took one lok at his tunic and thought he was a girl," Midna replied.

**TP Zelda**

Someone who owns a salon...

"I just wanted a trim!" a girl exclaimed, looking at her hair that had bene dyed blonde.

"Nonsense! Everyone looks better with golden hair," TP Zelda said happily.

A Queen...

_"In other news, the new Queen of Hyrule, TP Zelda, was assinated by a 15 year old girl ater making a speech about 'in her country people who don't care alot about their appearance shall be slaughtered,'" the news reporter said._

_In the background you see Hylian guards trying to force Quin to the ground._

_"I'M NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT IT! I KILLED THAT FREAKING FACE OBSESSED QUEEN!" she shrieked, her eyes bloodshot with anger._

The tv flicked to a different channel.

"I just wanted to make Hylians' more nicer to look at!" exclaimed TP Zelda's poe.

A professor...

"It's a fact! People who are beautiful become more successful," TP Zelda said, alive again...

Quin raced int he class room and the camera froze as she was plunging a knife into TP Zelda's back with bloodlust written all over the Author's face.

**OoT Ruto**

Sushi chef...

"You do realized that you're a fish and you're _cooking_ fish. So, in a way, you're killing your own brethren," Quin pointed out.

OoT Ruto's eye twitched, she had just put a piece of salmon in her mouth.

TP Link's # 1 fan...

"I hate you so much," TP Link said, who was squeezed under the couch cushions.

"Why are you under there?" Quin asked, ignoring his first statement.

"Have you seen the title?!" he snapped, pointing up at the letters.

"Oh yeah, _that_. Well, I was gonna play Final Fantasy 12, mind if I...?" She hopped on the cushion where his head was under, forcing his face squished together, unable to talk.

"Yoo-hoo! TP Linkie Poo? Where are you?!" OoT Ruto blinked, seeing the Author. "Have you gotten..._taller?_"

"People say that all the time," Quin said, smiling from ear to ear. She did look like she had grown as she sat on TP Link's empty head.

"Did you hear a groaning noise?" the Zora Princess asked.

"Probably."

TP Link rolled his eyes angrily.

TP Link's # 1 stalker...

"How is this any different from the one before this?!" he hissed from under the couch cushion.

"Pfft, whatever. I'm not getting any complaints, am I?" Quin said, shrugging.

**Darunia**

Someone who tests out DDR games...

?comic=73#60

**XD**

Someone who plays DDR...

**(Go back to the above!)**

Dancer...

**(The first one should still fill in this one, too) As you can tell, I'm lazy! Get over it.**

**OoT Ganondorf**

Lead guitarist in a band...

"OoT Ganondorf, I really liked the concert, but maybe throwing your guitar into the crowd is a bad idea," Quin suggested, sitting down on the living room couch.

"You think?" he asked.

"I think you should listen to her," Dark Link growled, holding an ice pack to his forehead.

Baker...

**(The following joke comes from that tv show whose name I forgot, I saw it in a preview for it. I don't atually watch it!)**

"OoT Ganondorf, these aren't bad at all! I thought they'd be all burnt and stuff," Quin said, taking a bite of a jelly donut.

"Yeah! They rock!" TP Link exclaimed, chomping into his sugar coated donut.

"You complimenting on my food won't get you anything for free," OoT Ganondorf muttered, who was wearing a chef's hat and an...

"And I just _love_ the apron!" he continued.

"Seriously."

"Awww..."

"Umm, that's not jelly I'm tasting," Quin said disgusted, she spit out her food onto the table.

"Oh yeah! I forgot, one of my workers accidently fell into the mixing bowl. Don't tell anyone," OoT Ganondorf whispered.

"These things are AWESOME! What is this, made out of baked fangirl?!" Midna asked, eyes wide.

"Huh, maybe that _was_ what I saw in the bowl, too," OoT Ganondorf wondered aloud.

"It must be one huge freakin' bowl," Quin pointed out.

Customers slowly started making for the exit.

Surgeon...

"All right, that must be the liver, surgeon," a nurse said.

"That broken thing? Oh, I can fix that with some magic!" OoT Ganondorf exclaimed, a fireball shooting out of his hand and into the patient.

"WHAT THE CRAP?!" screamed the nurse.

Everyone else started freaking out.

"Oh, woops. Sorry, I had it on 'fire' probably when I caught TP Link in my room, supposedly looking for 'ghosts'." He switched a dial that was on his armor on his right arm to 'heal'. "There we go!"

_Beeeeep....._

"Oh, it can't exactly bring people back to life. Well, it sucks to be him! Okay, who's next?" OoT Ganondorf asked, looking around at the shocked faces.

Someone who sells expensive sports cars...

"5,000,000,000,000$?! What kind of car store is this?!" a man exclaimed, looking at the price on the sports car. "Besides, I all ready have a car. I'm leaving." He started to make his way to the door when his own car blew up.

"Well, it looks like you need a new car! So, how about it?" OoT Ganondorf asked, putting his hand on the man's shoulder.

"My-my wife!" the man cried.

"Midna!" OoT Ganondorf groaned.

"Hey, you didn't say _anything_ about _not_ putting bombs in cars that _do_ have people in 'em!" she snapped, walking in the building with a toolbox. "Now I've gotta go make more explosives, so stop pestering me or you're the next target."

**Don't go to their store unless the people in your car are the people you hate.**


	78. Unanswered

**Unanswered questions now answered.**

**Ocarina of Time:**Young Link's so called courage.

"But how are we going to get Young Link to defeat Queen Gohma? He doesn't have the Triforce of Courage yet!" Navi pointed out.

"Don't worry, annoying one, I have a plan," the Great Deku Tree replied with confidence.

_A little later..._

"Now, Young Link, you must destroy the curse that OoT Ganondorf casted upon me," the Great Deku Tree said, his mouth opening wide.

"Ummm... How exactly do I do that? There isn't, like, a big monster bug in there?" Young Link asked, unsure.

"Um, no! Fear not, but there_ is_ candy inside!" the tree exclaimed.

"Candy?!" Young Link dashed inside the Great Deku Tree.

"You know, that was pretty clever," Navi complimented, impressed.

"Yes, now for it to be in complete effect, you need to follow him so I can shut my mouth and he won't be able to come crying out when he faces the Queen Gohma," he filled her in.

**Twilight Princess:**The forming.

TP Link formed into a wolf...

TP Link's formed _back_ into a Hylian...

Midna giggled inside his shadow. "You might wanna cover up."

TP Link looked down at himself, then screamed realizing he was naked. "MIDNA! GIVE ME BACK MY TUNIC!"

**Twilight Princess:**Dirty Spirit.

"TP Link, look at what you wear, and know that the time for battle is soon," Faron said.

TP Link saw himself wearing a green tunic, then slapped a hand to his mouth. "YOU CHANGED MY CLOTHES?! PERVERT!"

**Can't remember which Light Spirit did that or what they said, so yeah...**

**Ocarina of Time:**Non-believers!

Young Link walked torwards the two Skull Kids who were playing their flutes among the trees.

"Hey, wanna join in?" one asked who was sitting on a branch, his legs dangling downward.

"Sure!" Young Link replied.

_Seven years later..._

OoT Link entered the Kokiri Forest and in the haven where he met the two Skull Kids so long ago, he found both of them among the trees, playing their flutes again. "Hey, it's me!" he called out.

"It's an adult, a Santa non-believer!" one exclaimed angrily.

"Kill him!" the other shouted.

**Twilight Princess:**Magic.

"This tunic will enable you to breathe under water, my father had it made for the old Hero in the past," the ghost of the Zora Queen said.

"Really? Awesome! How exactly did he get a tunic to enable one to breathe underwater, though?" TP Link asked.

"My father said a wizard did it..."

**Wind Waker:**Angels.

"Man, talking boat, I'm really weak from fighting that monster. But, luckily I got an angel!" WW Link said, taking a bottle out from his bag.

"An angel?" the King of Red Lions asked.

"Well, yeah. It has a robe, a wand, gold hair, it looks exactly like an angel!" WW Link pulled the cap off and the _fairy_ dropped into his open palm, dead.

"You forgot to poke holes for air again, didn't you?" the boat murmured.

"Who cares, all you have to do is sprinkle their pixie dust and you're healed! All the heroes do it, we don't have time to poke holes so the little bug sized angels can breathe!" WW Link snapped.

**Ocarina of Time:**Pokin' a hole.

"Now that I've caught plenty of fairies, OoT Ganondorf won't stand a chance!" OoT Link exclaimed, holding up a bottle with a sufficating pink fairy inside, she was hammering her tiny fists against the glass.

"Er, OoT Link, I think you should poke a hole in the cap so she can breathe," Navi suggested.

"Well, I guess you're right, they can't bring me back to life when they're dead. I'll just take out my Master Sword and..." OoT Link gently lowered the end of the blade to the bottle, but it went straight through the cap and stabbed the fairy. "Um, maybe I shouldn't have thrown away my old Kokiri sword."

"Yeah, you think?!" Navi snapped.


	79. A Plot!

**An undenying truth of questions soared through my mind. **_**'What was the next entertaining mini to be?'**_** The answer, well, here it is... Expect random cameo stuff taken from other things and twisted into something for my very own use. **_**Ha-ha!**_

_We find ourselves in need of more randomness in the Zelda Mini Madness series..._

"Jigglypuff, the singing sensation, demands you to sleep!" MM Link shouted, holding a Jigglypuff doll.

TP Link immediately fell on the floor and began to deeply snooze and dream of flying marshmallows wearing clown suits.

"Jigglypuff jumbles down the open road!" MM Link sang happily, bouncing up and down.

"_Gotta catch 'em all!_" Ash Ketchum shouted on the tv screen.

Quin burst into the living room through the front door. "Do I sense the essence of an unwanted tv series in my house?!" she shrieked, blood shot eyes darting to the tv system.

"AHH! It's an Ash hater. Jigglypuff uses *Triple Slap!" the boy shouted, holding the pink doll torwards the Author.

***'Triple Slap' is a made up move by me. Don't bother searching for its existence.**

"Your foolish pink fluff has no effect on me. For my 'Tom Boyness' gives my immunity to girly things! Now, fear the wrath of Axel!" Quin took up a card with the Nobody's picture on it.

Axel jumped out of the card and came to life, he threw his blade things at MM Link which was engulfed in fire. "You're on fire, got it memorized?" he asked, a smirk on his face.

**I love that line!**

"Ahh! It burns!" MM Link screamed, who really wasn't on fire but still ran into the sliding glass door.

"Axel, return, and quit hitting on my Kairi card." Quin pocketed her Axel card and grabbed the tv remote, switching it to the news.

"Hello, and this is OoT Link, with the latest news. And I bet you forgot that I was even a newsman, you big meanies!" he sniffed.

"Uh, OoT Link..." Mido muttered, who was operating the camera.

"Well, anyways, a trio of fangirls, along with their army of adorable creatures, have delcared war on Zelda Mini Madness," the Hero of Time explained. "We'll now go to a clip."

Tv screen shows a girl with dozens of other girls behind her

The main girl, who had light brown hair in a braid, glared at the camera. "I am the main Fangirl of the Fangirl Army along with adorable creatures. My name is TP Link's #1FanGirl or Sue. Quintaso, and her characters, have several things coming to them... Well, one of them is war! RPG style!" Sue delcared.

Girls behind her let out high pitched screams and raised their pink polished nails in agreement. The clip was suddenly cut short.

"Ah! My ears! Is the bleeding bad?!... Mido?" OoT Link asked, who was using his cap to plug his right ear which was severely bleeding.

Mido was on the floor, having a seizure.

"Aw, dangit."

Quin switched the tv off. "Well, what do you know. Zelda Mini Madness actually has a plot!"

_**Dun dun duuun!**_

"_Anyways_, I guess I better get ready for the battles," Quin mumbled.

**BIG EXPLODING SOUND!**

The house blew up, followed by Quin beinging thrown into the backyard by the recoil, or whatever.

She stood up and gaped at the ruins of her home.

A fangirl, wearing a white dress and had red hair in a ponytail, stepped into the smoldering house.

"WHY THE #!$% DID YOU BLOW UP MY !%&ING HOUSE?!" Quin screamed at her.

"It's your first attack on you, Author. And now, I challange you!" the girl said.

[Fangirl Resa wants to fight!]

"Well, this mini's loaded with Pokemon refrences," Quin muttered.

"Silence and feel my fanny wrath!" Resa declared, throwing two Poke Balls into the field.

A pink pony with a light blue mane and a white kitten with a red bow around its neck appeared.

"Oh, crap! That pony's came right from the nightmare 'My Little Ponies'! Now you've _really_ ticked me off," Quin snarled, bringing out her own Poke Balls and threw them out.

TP Link and MM Link were standing across from Resa's creatures.

"Uhhh, how'd I get here?" TP Link asked.

MM Link took one look at the kitten and pony and blinked. "Er..."

"Starry Night, use Glitter Fest!" Resa commanded.

The pink pony reared, nieghed, and shook her mane, causing blue sparkles to fall over Quin's characters.

"Ah! It's in my eyes! I can't see! I'M BLIND!" TP Link shrieked, trying to rub the glitter off.

MM Link shaded his face with his Jigglypuff doll. "Protect me, Jigglypuff!"

[TP Link and MM Link:Accuracy fell sharply and Prettiness went up!]

"TP Link, use Dumb Talk!" Quin ordered.

The Hero cleared his throat. "In my Poke Ball I'm trying to figure out what to paint my new room, but all I have is a jar of grape jelly, which I hid from the Author, and a pointy pencil, which I poked my eye with. So, I decided to spread the grape jelly on the walls, but I got hungry, and so I licked the grape jelly off the walls!"

Stars swirled around the kitten's and pony's head.

[Starry Night and Fluffy became confused!]

"Fluffy, use Foamy Bite on TP Link," Resa said, her expression filled with concern and hope.

The kitten jumped ahead and sunk its fangs into the Hero's left arm, then she went back to her spot.

[TP Link caught rabies!]

TP Link hissed and twitched.

"Dangit. MM Link, use 'The Song of Healing'." Quin said.

MM Link put Jigglypuff under his arm and took out his Ocarina of Time and began to play.

TP Link recovered from rabies, a mask fell onto the ground which had his face except the mouth was foaming. "AH! My face dropped off!" he screeched, although he still had it.

"Clever move, you obviously know your stuff," Resa snarled.

"Yeah, whatever. But since you're not gonna go, TP Link, use Pose," Quin ordered.

TP Link did his SSBB pose, the one where he goes on one foot, and that's all I can remember of it.

[Starry Night and Fluffy flinched!]

"Hey! That's cheating!" Resa exclaimed angrily.

"Suck it up. MM Link, put on the Deku Mask and use Nut Shooter," Quin said.

MM Link slipped on the mask, transformed into a Deku Scrub, and began to hurl large Deku nuts at the pony and kitten. They both took plenty of damage.

"TP Link, now form into a wolf and use Chomp!" Quin demanded.

TP Link went on all fours and formed into a wolf, he rushed forward, and took a large bite of each of Resa's creatures. They both fainted.

"No! My adorable animals!" Resa cried.

[TP Link gained a level!]

[TP Link's Stupidity went up 5!]

"Man, that was easy. TP and MM Link, return." Quin stored them back into the red and white spheres.

"Just you wait, we'll fix you! You and your characters! And your fangirl hating series shall be no more, then when you're destoryed, people will realize Zelda Mini Madness sucks! Then everyone on Fan Fiction will just give you hate reviews!" Resa declared, she began to run away.

"Um, okay..." the Author mumbled. "Wait, I think I should've killed you... Get back here!" Quin stared to give chase.

[And so Quintaso's adventure starts. Will she overcome the Fangirl Army Along With Adorable Creatures? Stay tune!]

**And by the way, if you got any suggestions to add in, don't hesitate to say so!**


	80. Insert Title

**Had plenty of free time since my brother's sick and we weren't able to go to our extension school today. So, here's a mini!**

"Go on! You lost, so go make the announcement," MM Link hissed from behind the red curtain.

"But you cheated!" TP Link whined.

"Did not," the younger snapped. "I explained it to you, dynamite kills rock, scissors, _and_ paper. Everyone knows that!"

TP Link mumbled something under his breath then stepped out onto the stage, facing the audience of readers. "The Author was too busy playing Wind Waker and waiting for her Play Station memory card to actually participate in this mini. Please enjoy just us, the characters."

_Later in the Lost Woods..._

"So, what do we do now? Resa disappeared and now we're in OoT's version of Hyrule," MM Link sighed, as they strolled through the thick and winding forest.

"Hmm, usually an annoying partner would tell us where to go. But I don't see any loud fairies, naked imps, talking boats or hats in sight!" TP Link exclaimed, looking around carefully.

_After a quick beating..._

"Midna, where'd you come from?!" MM Link asked.

"Oh, I just stopped by 'cause I heard the Great Deku Tree had been set on fire and there was a party full of smores. I also discovered a new recipe! It's called, 'Roasted Fangirl...On A Stick...Between Graham Crackers'," Midna replied, hitting TP Link once more with a balled up fist.

**'On a stick' joke credit goes to Jeff Dunham.**

"Hey, where's the Author? Shouldn't she be running this thing?" Midna asked.

_At the Author's real house..._

"Oh, screw you Makar, you can rescue yourself!" Quin screamed, shutting off the Gamecube and vanishing.

_Back in the Lost Woods..._

"Fine, I'm here. Happy?" Quin snapped, steamed.

_At the Burnt Deku Tree..._

Fangirl zombies began to crawl torwards them.

"_Cuuuuute... Cuuuuute... Cuuuuuute..._" they moaned, as they slowly approuched.

"By the Goddesses! Instead of brains, they're attracted to beautiful appearances!" MM Link pointed out, cowering behind Midna.

"Relax. This is 'Legend of Zelda' from 'Nintendo', So, the zombies are obviously from 'Dead Rising' from the 'Wii'. That means they're really easy to kill!" Quin assured them.

**According to VG Cats, that game sucks.**

"Go Riku!" Quin took up his card and Riku appeared before them, the KH 1 Riku.

"I'm a witty, cunning, and a handsome kid," Riku said.

The fangirl zombies drew closer to him.

"Now I'm emo and evil at the same time!" Riku shrieked, transforming into that shadowie outfit and wielded his Keyblade.

"Ooh, that's a dangerous combination," Midna pointed out.

The fangirl zombies all died after getting confused by Riku's decision changes.

"Riku, return, and quit hitting on Sora!" Quin growled, putting away the card.

**I'm sure there are SoraXRiku pairings. XD. I'm not going for 'em, it's just a joke.**

"So, now what?" MM Link asked, poking one of the headless zombies with his foot.

"To Hyrule Castle! Where OoT Zelda has been kidnapped, OoT Link is still trying to figure out the whole thing about Sheik, and where OoT Ganondorf is in league with the Fangirl army!" Quin shouted.

_At Hyrule Castle..._

"MWAHAHAHAHA! Who dares try and kidnap me now?!" OoT Zelda screamed from at the top of the tower. She was standing nex to the Fangirl Leader.

"Wanna rephrase everything you just said?" Midna suggested, elbowing the Author.

"Not yet, we still don't know what's going on with the OoT verions of Link and Ganondorf," Quin replied.


	81. Deadly Reviews

**Read my profile as to why I couldn't update sooner. -Cough, hack, spit, wipe-!**

"All right, before we go into battle we should totally do a montage!" MM Link suggested.

"Good idea. Lets all make the fans go to and have them listen to 'Life Is Beautiful' by 'Sixx Am'," Quin replied.

"No, I wanna listen to the Barney song!" TP Link whined.

Midna took a fist full of TP Link's hair and began to pull on it. "Too bad Dark Link's not here, he woulnd've nominated Linkin Park," she snickered.

**Cue 'Life Is Beautiful' dangit!**

In slow motion the group made their way to the top of the tower.

**Cue end of the montage.**

"Where'd TP Link go?" Quin asked.

"He accidently fell off the tower, or I accidently pushed him off the tower," Midna answered.

"Go muffin power!" MM Link shouted, holding a blueberry muffin.

"Muffin? What happened to Jigglypuff?" Quin questioned.

"She touched a rose's thorn on the way here and popped. For some reason she was full of glitter and Jelly Bellies," MM Link replied.

"Oh, the irony!" Midna cried.

**Enter a 'Viva Pinata' moment here.**

"Quiet, you fools! Your useless talk of video game parodies has ended here! And your bakery magic can not withstand my power of fangirlism!" the Leader Fangirl declared.

"Quick question. Why did you hire OoT Zelda?" Quin asked.

"Because she because very useful in my attempt to take over OoT Hyrule," she replied.

"I now have 'Anti-Kidnapping Insurance'!" OoT Zelda exclaimed happily.

**Input baby whining and cricket chirping.**

"Oh no! We're all out of pointless jokes!" Quin shrieked.

"What'll we do?!" MM Link exclaimed.

Midna scratched her head, rather bored.

"Yes, I have found your weakness! Now your mini shall be stupid and people won't read it anymore!" the Leader shouted.

**Congrats! You have reached over 300 reviews! Party!**

"Not so fast! I have a plan!" Quin murmured. "Fans, it's now your job to use all your funky and amusing powers to defeat the fangirls! I need all of you to review and kill every fangirl in sight and in every single Legend of Zelda game!"

**NOW DO IT!**

In TP Kakariko Village

"I'm too pretty to die!" Ilia screamed, hiding behind a grave stone.

In WW Outset Island

'Link', the hugely obese black pig trampled over the fangirls.

The little boy that has a long snot out of his nose just scared the fangirls back into the ocean, grossing them out.

**All characters in all games began to fight the fangirls. Now effing review, kick some butt, then I'll update with the results!**


	82. Pets and Screwy

"So?" Midna asked, sipping a scotch as she and the Author lounged in the backyard's hot tub.

"So what?" Quin replied, stretching her arms out in front of her.

"Aren't you gonna tell the fans what happened?" the Twili reminded her.

"Oh, yeah. That..."

**A few days ago...**

"Ah, isn't it nice relax in a hot tub and watch the fans do all the killing?" Quin asked, sighing.

"No!" Midna snapped.

**A few days back into the present...**

"Wow. We've been sitting in here forever. Oh, by the way, do you think the fans'll be pissed for this?" Midna murmured, looking sadly at her now empty glass.

"Meh, probably."

**OoT Zelda's punishment for joining the Fangirl Army Along With Adorable Things...**

"No wearing pink until the next Zelda game comes out?! NOOOOOOOO!" OoT Zelda screamed, falling onto her knees and banging her fists on the floor in agony.

**Back in the present...**

"It's going to be more painful 'cause I filmed it!" Midna exclaimed.

"What are you going to do with the video?" Quin questioned.

"Does the 'internet' make a good answer?" Midna replied, smiling widely.

"Youtube better be prepared for the harsh comments from all the OoT Zelda fans," Quin muttered.

**Anouncement! **_**Anouncement! **__**Anouncement!**_

LinebeckXCiela?!

Linebeck's mouth dropped.

Ciela burst into flame.

**Haha. Kidding.**

PH Link fell over laughing.

Ciela smacked the Hero across the face.

Please welcome the Phantom Hourglass characters to Zelda Mini Madness!

**Booooo.**

"Hey, shut up! I'm not just an old man in human form, but also a whale!" The Ocean King shouted.

Oh, go get beached.

**Gasp!**

There seems to be two narrators...

**Uhhh... Bye!**

IMPOSTER! -Fires gun-

(Back to Midna and Quin at the house)

"That was...strange," Quin murmured.

"Who was that, other than you?" Midna asked.

"They were both me," Quin replied.

"Oh, is it okay if we have pets in the house?" Midna said, holding up the end of a leash.

"Sure, I don't mind, just as long as it doesn't bark," Quin replied.

"Well, no, but I can guarantee she'll scream," Midna mumbled, smiling abit.

"What exactly did you adopt?"

"Well..." Midna trailed off.

A fangirl's head popped into view.

"YOU ADOPTED A FANGIRL?!" Quin shrieked, more surprised than angry.

"Well, I thought it'd be nice to train her, make her do evil tricks, plus it's fun to punish her if she does something I don't like!" Midna explained, now grinning.

"She's potty trained, right?"

"I won't make any promises!"

**Time to go screw with cut scenes and the games!**

Wind Waker:When you're throwing Medli off the ledge on Dragonroost Island.

"Okay, Link, throw me hard so I can get up there!" Medli encouraged.

Link tossed her with all his might.

After several attempts, Medli made it. It still isn't known if Medli really did give Link a bottle, or if she just accidently dropped from having smashed her head into a rock wall dozens of times.

Wind Waker:In the Earth Temple.

"Uhh, Link, where's Medli?" Laruto asked.

"Well, she hit her head too many times when she was carrying me through the air, she developed a concussion and died. So, how about that Master Sword? You can gonna pray or what?" Link snapped, impatient.

Twilight Princess:In the Hyrule jail cell.

"I found you!" Midna exclaimed, looking at Link in wolf form.

Wolf Link yelped and tried to get as far away as possible from her. "AH! It's a floating, vampire, imp!" he screeched.

**Anyone else think of that when they first saw Midna's sharp tooth?**

Wind Waker:When Link first meets the King of Red Lions.

"Link! Wake up! Link!" The King of Red Lions shouted into the boy's ear.

"Uhh..." Link murmured, rubbing his eyes until his vision became clear. He blinked.

"Finally, you woke up," the boat said.

Link let out the girliest scream ever and ran away.

**That's how any SANE person would react if they were rescued from an effing talking BOAT!**

Wind Waker:When you first start.

"Hey brother, today's your birthday!" Aryl said happily as Link stood up.

"Cool... So, how old am I?" he asked.

"Pfft, I dunno. Shouldn't you be keeping track?" Aryl snapped.

Wind Waker:When Ganondorf is attacking Hyrule, the hero wasn't coming to save the people, so the Goddesses decide to do something...

"Hmmm, you're the smartest out of all of us, Nayru. What should we do to help all those people?" Farore asked.

"Well, instead of going down there and kicking Ganondorf's butt, which we could totally do, lets flood the world!" Nayru suggested.

"I like it!" Din agreed.

**Sorry, recently played Wind Waker so I came up with all this.**

**I hope you enjoyed it, I'll try and update more often.**


	83. It

**Anyone else see the trailer for the upcoming Legend of Zelda:Spirit Trackers game? You can find it on . **

_After watching the trailer..._

"We have decided to make fun of the new Zelda game before it even comes out! Accomplishing something before someone else can! Go watch the trailer before reading this, though, or you might get creeped out," Quin advised, standing no where really.

**What we've made of the game title so far.**

"All right, it's time to track those Spirits!" ST Link exclaimed, wearing a detectives outfit and holding a magnifying glass.

"Five bucks says his eyeball catches on fire," Midna said, while watching the trailer.

"Oh, you are on!" Dark Link replied.

"Hmm... I wonder if that big yellow thing is a Spirit," ST Link murmured, looking up at the sun while he peered through the glass. His eye caught on fire.

"Ten bucks says he's as stupid as all the other Links'," Midna said.

"ARGH!" Dark Link shouted, banging his head on the computer desk.

**Link's new 'transportation'.**

"I've decided to name it Thomas!" ST Link exclaimed, hugging the train.

Quin choked on her Mountain Dew.

**Link's new 'job'.**

"Thanks Link for the letter," Zelda said, accepting the envelope.

"Screw you and I quit," ST Link snapped.

**Leave the delivering to the Running Man and the Rito Tribe, will ya?!**

**That's all I got.**

"Now, I've made a list of possible names I would name it," Midna murmured, staring at a peice of paper as she sat on the couch.

"'It'?" Quin quoted.

"Hey, from my knowledge 'fangirls' are a whole new species," Midna replied.

"True."

"Okay, this is what I got so far..." Midna began to read the names off the paper.

_'.'_

"I like this one because they do scream a lot," Midna pointed out.

"I love it!" Quin agreed.

"I don't have five dollars," Dark Link groaned, who collapsed on the sofa between the two girls. "All I found were a dozen jars of grape jelly, which I tossed in TP Link's room since they were probably his."

"Then I guess you can do community service. You can start off with walking my new pet," Midna suggested, patting him on the shoulder.

"What?!" he yelled.

"Where is '_it_' anyways?" Quin asked.

"I left it in the backyard, I had to tie it to a tree, 'cause I don't know if it can swim yet," Midna answered.

_' Joy of Killing, 'Joy' for short.'_

"You're gonna teach her how to murder people?" Quin pointed out.

"Yeah, and in a sick 'Silent Hill' way, too!" Midna replied happily.

**I can't think of anything else right now, so suggestions are deeply wanted and loved. Stay tune for more madness!**

TP Link burst through the front door. "If Midna is allowed to have a pet, then I demand to own one, too!"

"To the Hylian Pet Shop!" OoT Link exlcaimed, jumping into view.

"I hate you," Quin hissed to Midna who only grinned.


	84. April 1st

"Oh, my gosh! I never even realised this, but I now know that beauty doesn't matter anymore! It's what's in the heart that counts," TP Zelda sniffed.

_Dun dun duuuun!_

"Oh, Ilia, I'm sorry I denied the truth about my love for you," TP Link murmured to the Ordon girl.

"Oh, TP Link, it's okay," Ilia replied.

**O_o**

"I OoT Link, take OoT Ruto, in sickness or in health..."

**AHHHHHHH!!!!**

"I'm actually evil!" OoT Ganondorf exclaimed, laughing evilly. "And I shall prove it by going to every Zelda Mini Madness reader and steal their pcs, then sell them back to their original owners but at an insanely high price!"

**Hide your computers!**

"Bark!" **It** shouted.

**Uh...**

"I've realised that I should wait to have sex," Young Link admitted.

"He only admits that 'cause I'm pregnant," MM Tingle said from behind.

**-MAJOR girlish scream-**

"Ever since I took a sip of Sunny D, I'm no longer gothic, emo, or depressed!" Light (Dark) Link exclaimed happily.

**Heh, right...**

"Ever since the police got smart, I'm in jail for once for murdering all their families!" Midna said from inside the jail cell.

**About time!**

"I've decided to stop writing Zelda Mini Madness!" Quin yelled.

_**Gasp!**_

"Happy April Fools Day everybody! Tell me all your pranks you did today in your reviews. Oh, and actually, Tingle really is pregnant," Quin whispered.

"IT WASN'T ME!" Young Link screamed.


	85. Twitter

**I know I was supposed to do the whole 'Pet store' thing first, but my eldest brother gave me **_**this**_** idea.**

**TP Link:**

beging athor 4 a pett

**Quin:**

Getting a restraining order against TP Link.

**TP Link:**

foloing athor, crieing

**Quin:**

Telling Midna to beat TP Link up.

**Midna:**

Beating TP Link up for the Author. Lots of fun.

**TP Link:**

runing 4rm insain midna

**Midna:**

Getting bored, going to a bar.

**Quin:**

Playing Kingdom Hearts:Chain of Memories... Hating Larxene.

**Dark Link:**

Listening to Linkin Park.

**OoT Ganondorf:**

Visiting a new shrink.

**TP Zelda:**

Forcing ugly people to go away.

**Ilia:**

Sneaking horses out of Lon Lon Ranch.

**Horses:**

Getting creeped out by dumb blonde... Kicking dumb blonde.

**Ilia:**

Getting kicked... I STILL LOVE HORSES!

**Dark Link:**

Now listening to DHT, "Listen To Your Heart."

**Vaati:**

Spying on Dark Link in Minish form.

**Dark Link:**

Grabbing fly swatter, saw a purple bug.

**Vaati:**

Teleporting.

**Midna:**

Drunk and pointing a mob of fangirls to where TP Link is.

**TP Link:**

FANGURLZ! AHHHHHHHH1

**OoT Ganondorf:**

Choking kids to death for calling me evil.

**Midna:**

Telling OoT Ganondorf he's evil.

**OoT Ganondorf:**

Going back to shrink.

**Quin:**

Pretending to be killing Larxene... I love you Riku! -Smacks self-

**It:**

Bark.

**Midna:**

Kicking 'it' for making an annoying sound.

**Dark Link:**

Secretly wearing normal clothing.

**Vaati:**

Secretly spying on Dark Link from under the bed.

**TP Link:**

in er 4 beeg glompage

**Zant:**

Dreaming about NOT having a pixie shaped head and normal teeth.

**Dark Link:**

Getting bug spray.

**Vaati:**

Leaving for good.

**OoT Zelda:**

Having an arguement with my alter ego.

**Shiek:**

Fighting with my alter ego.

**OoT Link:**

scaird cuz oot zelda iz talcing 2 hersilf

**Midna:**

Falling over drunk.

**It:**

Marking my master.

**I think we'll leave it at that. XD**


	86. Pet Store

**Hyrule Pet Store: Where all of your pet needs are fulfilled.**

"Sweet! They have baby Dodongos!" TP Link pointed out, staring happily at a pen with the small (for now), green lizards were kept.

"Dn't even think about it," Quin snapped.

"Now that I think about it, what ever happened to Rocky?" Dark Link questioned, who smacked Vaati upside the head since he was snickering about the whole 'Twitter' thing.

"He, uh, got hit by a truck... _Yeah_," Quin replied nervously.

**A few days ago...**

"All right, here's the deal, you trade you killing machine for our PS3," a mysterious figure in the shadows murmured.

"Yes!" Quin agreed, extremely excited. "Wait... In what way are you going to use Rocky?... You're gonna go rob a bank, aren't you?"

"Um, _no_."

"Jeez, bad guys these days are just so predictable!"

**Back in the present...**

"That guy ripped me off! It was a fake PS3," Quin sniffed.

"What was that, Author?" Dark Link asked.

"Nothing," she muttered.

_Later..._

They all stared wide eyed as they saw a huge tank with OoT Ruto floating inside it holding a sign that said, 'PLEASE ADOPT ME OOT LINK!'

"Just keep walking," Quin advised, passing it.

_Later..._

Ilia sat in a small cage holding a sign that read, 'PLEASE BUY ME TP LINK!'

"What is this the 'Obsessed Zelda Characters' aisle?!" Quin shouted.

Vaati pointed to a sign that said, 'Obsessed Zelda Characters aisle'.

"Oh... _Wow_," Quin said in awe.

"This is so boring. I want something cool! I wonder what their birds are like," TP Link wondered aloud, looking around for a sign to point him in the right direction.

_In the 'birds aisle'... -Snicker-_

"AAAAAAAAH!"

Everyone immediately covered their eyes, each face twisted in horror and agony.

"What's wrong?! Did someone puke?" a worker asked, rushing near them.

"No, but I will if I ever see _that_ again!" Midna shrieked, waving her and at the large cage.

There stood a sign that read, 'TINGLES' where one Tingle was humping another...

_At the hospital..._

"I've decided that I don't want a pet," TP Link whimpered in his bed.

"Thank the Goddesses," Quin murmured, her skin extremely pale.

"What exactly happened?" the doctor asked them.

"Well, we saw what nature never intended to happen, then my life flashed before my eyes," Dark Link explained.

"I threw up in my mouth a little!" Young Link shouted, digusted.

"It is having a seizure!" Midna pointed out, watching the fangirl seizing on the floor. "Probably the whole time it took to get here, too."

"Who wants to put it to a vote that we should all go back in time and see that Tingle is never created," Quin suggested.

Everyone raised their hands.

"What kinds of things flashed before your eyes, Dark Link?" OoT Link questioned his dark self.

"For instance, how many times it took you to beat me inside the Water Temple," he replied, grinning.

"Oh, screw you!"

**I suggest using Din's Fire, it worked for me, but bring lots of Magic potion!** **Plus, tune in tomorrow for an Easter special.**


	87. Late Easter

**Welcome to the "Day After Easter Special!"**

"Hey, we decided to celebrate Easter a day late for reasons I'd care not to explain," Quin said.

"You mean because you forgot yesterday on Easter?" TP Link asked.

"Midna, please chop is head off and stuff it into a plastic egg," the Author requested angrily.

"With pleasure!" Midna agreed happily.

"Eep!" TP Link squeaked, running away.

**What weapon should Midna choose to cut off of TP Link's head?!**

**-Insert Jeopardy music-**

a)A dull knife, great for slow wanted deathes.

b)A three-headed, spiked mace, great for 'smashing' the head off.

c)Dodongo, great for chewing the head off. **Warning:**May cause burnings.

....

**Music ends abruptly.**

"Midna! We don't have enough time for your awesome weapon choices!" Quin snapped.

"Awww..."

**Back at the house, the characters were preparing for the Easter egg hunt.**

"Is this going to be like the egg hunt in Harvest Moon 64 where you have to find the matching colored egg?" OoT Link questioned.

"No," Quin replied.

"_Oooooooooooooo_. I am scary!" TP Link yelled from the other side of the couch.

"For the last time you're not the headless horseman!" Dark Link shouted.

"Awww..." TP Epona whined, walking out of the backyard.

"Anyways, who wants to hide the eggs? For those who are doing the hiding, you cannot do the searching, that's cheating," Quin explained.

"But that's the point of the whole idea!" Midna exclaimed.

"Look, I painted this white plastic egg blue, 'cause it's the color of the sea and I'm supposed to be obsessed with the sea, right?" Linebeck said, unsure of himself.

"Ugh, new characters are so stupid," TP Ganondorf muttered, stuffing candy inside the eggs and setting them aside.

"That's only because the Author hasn't made up our personalities yet!" Ciela snapped back.

"Uhh..uhh...AH-CHOO!" Quin sneezed.

"AHH! SHARK!" PH Link screamed diving into a kitchen cuboard.

"What's his deal?" Quin asked, rubbing her nose.

"Too many unexpected attacks, that's the problem with the ocean, you never know when a monster is coming," Linebeck replied.

"We have _so_ many things in common!" PH Tetra said to MC Zelda.

"I know!" MC Zelda exclaimed, extremely excited.

"Like what?" Dark Link questioned.

"We were both turned into stone!" they replied together.

**Afterwards, the eggs were hidden by Quin, Midna, and Dark Link, now it is up to YOU to help out the other characters to find the hidden eggs with the -cough-'goodies'-cough-**

**The backyard**

Choices:

the pool/hot tub.

in the trees.

the ground.

the grass.

What you discover:

the pool/hot tub:

"T-t-t-to many sh-sh-shark a-a-attacks!" PH Link stuttered, staring wide eyed at the pool. He took quite a few steps back, nerovusly shaking.

"Aha! To the depths of the sea to search for buried treasure!" Linebeck shouted, jumping into the water.

"I hate pirates so much," Quin muttered from inside, watching the group from the sliding glass door.

"He's not really a-"

"Still," the Author cut Dark Link off.

**You find:**

Non-colored egg with stale gummi bears... Good for you.

A red spottted egg with red hot peppermints in it... TP Link immediately put them in his mouth and is now drinking all the water from the pool, every need to worry since we don't care enough to take him to the hospital for gulping chlorine down and other chemicals.

in the trees:

"I believe I can fly!" TP Link yelled, jumping from the tree after climbing it.

**You find:**

Nothing, 'cause everyone fell over laughing after TP Link got extremely banged up from stupidly thinking he was in the Rito Tribe.

the ground:

"TP Link, I'm pretty sure they didn't bury any eggs down there..." TP Ganondorf said.

"I'm not giving up!"

**You find:**

Dirt. and a human body probably hidden by Midna.

the grass:

"I found one! I found an egg!" OoT Link exclaimed, holding something in the palm of his hand.

"Actually, that's an extremely huge beetle," OoT Ganondorf corrected.

OoT Link screamed, threw the beetle into the air which landed on TP Link, who also screamed and tripped into the empty pool which probably caused more brain damage.

**Downstairs (in the house)**

Choices:

the fridge.

the couch cushions.

the food pantry.

What you discover:

the fridge:

"Awesome! I found a whole thing of eggs!... Weird, they're not plastic though," TP Link murmured, taking the carton out.

**You find:**

Yolk, also barf after TP Link puked up the yolk he ate. ("I though that yellow was the chocolatey inside!" TP Link whined.")

the couch cushions:

"All right, we should each take a perimeter. I go for the left side, OoT Link the right, and WW Link in the middle," TP Link explained.

"It's a freaking couch!" WW Link shouted angrily.

**You find:**

A grey egg filled with lint.

A brown egg filled with coconut crumbs.

w00t

the food pantry:

"Now that I think about it, I'm kinda hungry. I know, I'll make some popcorn!" OoT Link said, grabbing a bag of it and tossing it int he microwave. He pressed a dozen buttons before it started and popped into a huge sack of heat and...

"You idiot," TP Ganondorf muttered.

**You find:**

Broken and melted peices of pink, plastic eggs with empty wrappers of Milky Way mini bars.

**Upstairs (in the house)**

's room.

's room.

Link's room.

Link's room.

bathroom.

What you discover:

's room:

TP Link burst into the room. "Okay! Eggs, here we come!"

"GET OUT!"

He was immediately tossed out. "I think this is a good time for a Team Rocket refrence," TP Link suggested, getting thrown on top of OoT and WW Link.

"Don't even think about it," TP Ganondorf muttered, shaking his head.

**You find:**

..._Nothing._

's room:

"Uhh, can we-?"

"No. Just _no_," the Author replied from the other side of the door.

**You find:**

Guess.

Link's room:

"Oh, boy. Fifty rupees says we only end up with grape jelly," WW Link bet.

**You find:**

An egg smothered in grape jelly but with peanut butter inside hidden int he underwear drawer.

An egg filled with torn pieces of paper in the drawers filled with skirts... I-I mean, _tunics_. My bad.

Link's room.

"WW Link, check under the bed, OoT Link can look through the chest of drawers, I'll cover the closet," TP Link stated, stepping torwards the door.

"BACK OFF!" Dark Link shrieked, shoving him away.

Vaati fell over laughing as he ran out of the room in his Minish form.

bathroom:

"Why is there a big hole in the wall and blood in the bathtub?" TP Link asked.

"I dunno. Lets check out where this hole leads to though..." OoT Link murmured.

"DON'T DO IT!" Quin screamed, pulling them out of the room and closing the door.

**You find:**

That the Author is now afraid of mysterious holes ever since she started watching the walkthrough of Silent Hill 4.

**Afterwards...**

"So, did you find anything yummy?" Dark Link asked, as they all sat int he living room.

"Nope," they all replied sadly.

"Figures, we ate all the good candy yesterday anyways," Quin said.

"Y'know, there's one egg they didn't find," Midna whispered to the Author, who was sitting right next to her.

"Where did you put it?" Quin questioned.

"Under TP Link's hat," she replied grinning.

"100 rupees says he doesn't notice until during this summer."

"You're on."

**Have a good rest of spring!**


	88. Catchphrases

**Truth be told, I looked up most of thse quotes. Also, I have a challange for you guys. See if you can name the shows where the catchphrases come from.**

**Oh, and Kyrie Falcon, your wish has come true!**

"Believe it!" Link said, givng a thumbs up.

"No, no, no! I told you, that's all ready taken!" the director shouted angrily. "Now try again."

"I'm gonna be the greatest Pokemon Master ever!"

"No!"

"Resistance is futile, Ganondorf!" Link snarled, putting on an angry face.

"Ugh. _No_," the director groaned.

"We are the Hylians."

"NO!"

"Good night, John Boy!" Link yelled, knocking a Bubble out of the air with his sword.

"Try a different one," the director muttered.

"I know _nothing!_" Link swore, as Ganondorf walked onto the set.

"No."

"Pi-Pikachu!"

"Oh, God _no_."

"Super special awesome!"

"..."

"You're going to die Ganondorf, in Hyrule!"

"No."

"Hyrulean rage!" Link shouted, charging after Ganondorf. "Get your battle on!"

"Um, am I supposed to be intimidated?" the Gerudo asked.

"Inconceivable!"

"Ugh, no!" the director said again.

"Say hello to my little friend."

"No."

"What's going on?" Zelda asked, walking onto the set.

"My name's Bond, Link Bond," the Hero stated, looking at her.

"Uhh..." Her eyes widened in confusion.

"Zelda, come with me if you want to live!" Link said, offering his hand.

"Not on your life!" the princess snapped.

"Oh, not you, too!" Ganondorf groaned.

"I can make you an offer you can't refuse."

**Okay, before the mini explodes from too many catch phrases...**

"JUST STOP TRYING!" Zelda shrieked.

"Well, _excuse_ me princess," Link said sarcastically.

"That's _it!_" the director explaimed.

**And that's how Link's annoying catchphrase was born.**


	89. A Stupid Explanation

"Hmm, what's this?" Quintaso heard the doorbell ring from upstairs.

She quickly made it to the white door and twisted the silver handle, cracking open the entrance when suddenly the door slammed all the way open.

"What the?! I thought I told you to not to come back!!!" Quin screamed, as TP Link glomped her with his arms wrapped tightly around her neck.

"But we missed you too much!" TP Link replied with a large grin on his face.

"And besides, you need our help," Midna said calmly, walking past the Twilight Princess hero and the Author. "How long has it been since you've written anything?"

"Shut up," Quin snarled, pushing TP Link away and standing up.

**Hello everyone, I can't tell you how many times I've tried writing without success; I just haven't been able to get myself to do it. It used to be so much fun but now it's like another chore for em to get off my plate. I figured since I didn't completely shut down Zelda Mini Madness that I could get back to putting more material up, and maybe this way I'll get back into the groove of writing more professional things. But for me to accomplish my goal I need a lot of patience from those who actually like my work that manages to stay up for more than a day. **

**And now that I believe I've given my unacceptable and stupid explanation: it's time for some madness!**

Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks

The real intentions

Zelda's spirit shrieked as she rose several feet above ground, screaming, "They took my body?! AHHH!"

**In the Spirit Tower...**

"So, can you guess what we are going to do with Princess Zelda's empty body?" Chancellor Cole questioned with a devilish grin on his face.

"Are we gonna dress her body inappropriately and molest it?" Byrne replied hopefully.

"No, we are going to let the Demon _King_ to run around in it!" Chancellor Cole answered with glee.

"I hate you."

Too much...

The Spirit tracks... The Tower of Spirits... The Spirit Flute... Zelda's spirit... The Spirits of good...

SP Link blinked. "AHHHHHHHH!!!" He quickly jumped out of Quintaso's DS and ran off to the Nintendo Company to murder the writing staff.

**These were all my thoughts when I began playing...**_**Spirit**_** Tracks. **

**Anyways, I hope you aren't all mad at me for not posting more chapters of things for the past few months. I feel terrible, and I have a huge problem that I should deal with as soon as possible. **

**In other words...**

TP Link walks in with his short off like when he was Sumo Wrestling the Mayer of Ordon. "Please don't send assassins after Quintaso! If you don't I'll do Carramelldansen like this."

Midna walks in with her arms folded. "Why do _I _have to be fanboy service?!"

"Because you're the only girl who is most naked, that's why!" Quin hissed from behind the red curtain.


	90. Replaying OoT

**I guess I should start apologizing for my absense...by making you laugh so hard that you forget I was even gone!**

**When I replayed Ocarina of Time I noticed some things...**

Young Link walked up to the Hylian Guard that stood by the gate, and he looked at the guard with wide eyes. The boy was more traumatized than Quin who was playing.

The Hylian guard had his hand on his hips while wearing black short-shorts. "Well, hello to you little booooooy!" he said in an extremely gay voice.

Young Link ran off as fast as he could screaming.

**Sorry if I offended you if you are gay!**

Young Link crawled into the hole when he heard that there was a Kokiri Sword hidden in here. He hastily brushed the dirt off of himself and stepped onto the path. "Now, where is it..."

"Uh, Link..." Navi mumbled, who was looking over his shoulder.

"I know, I know! The Great Deku Tree has summoned me; I get it!" he snapped.

The fairy grabbed his ear and twisted his head. "I was pointing _that_ out to you!" she screeched.

Young Link's mouth fell open as he saw a giant..._boulder_ coming around the corner and rolling torwards the two. "How does that keep on going on flat ground?!" he shouted, running for his life.

"How would I know?!" Navi replied, flying only a few inches behind his head.

"This game makes no logical sense!!!"

**I have no idea what those things are. They honestly do not look like boulders to me.**

"OoT Link, I thought you learned your lesson all ready," Navi said, as she watched the Hero of Time mounted his horse, Epona, and began pointing her in the direction of Lon Lon Ranch's cuccos.

"I have found out a way to hurt the cuccos without being hurt in return!" he replied happily.

"Do you have any idea what you just said?"

"No, but that's besides the point! Go my trusty steed and crush those demon birds!" OoT Link declared, kicking OoT Epona in the sides.

The mare snorted and began trotting over the Legend of Zelda chickens which made one rear its head up, letting out a vicious crow. The cuccos began flying torwards the hero, but their talons and beaks had no effect on him.

"See? My horse gives me immortality!" OoT Link exclaimed.

**By the way, you can only do this in Lon Lon Ranch.**

OoT Link took up his bow and quickly fired an arrow at the Gerudo guard; she fell onto the ground with the arrow sticking out of her head.

"Ha-ha! I killed her!" OoT Link declared proudly.

"Uh, she's actually just knocked out," Navi corrected, looking at the stars that were circling above the woman's head.

"This game sucks!"

**What comes afterwards is what **_**would**_** happen if the game was real.**

OoT Link looked at the Like-Like as it slowly trudged over to where he was standing. "What is that?"

Navi giggled, flying away at a safe distance without the hero noticing. "Uh, it's an easy enemy. But you have to get _really_ close to it to defeat it."

"Well, I believe you!" he replied, taking out his Master Sword and Hylian Shield. He went up to the creature and poke it with his sword. "Take that, you slug...thing!"

The Like-Like leaned forward, sucking OoT Link into its body and soon spit him back out.

Oh no! Your Kokiri Tunic was stolen!

OoT Link screamed and covered his crotch with his shield.

Navi into a nearby jar, yelling, "That wasn't as clever as I thought it'd be!"

**Well, you gotta admit it makes more sense then just having him automatically changing into a different tunic!**

"Oh Link, I have awakened as the Sage of Forest thanks to you!" Saria exclaimed, as OoT Link landed in the middle of the Triforce in the Chamber of Sages.

"So, does this mean we can't make out?"

"Well duh!" Saria snapped. "Now take this medallion that serves no purpose whatsoever!"

"I freaking hate you, Saria," OoT Link grumbled.

**I really want to know why they put those stupid coins in the game; they don't matter at all!!! All they do is remind you which temples you've beaten in the START menu!**

Durani stood before Young Link as he floated back down to the ground after he had beaten King Dodongo.

"Good...job!" Durania said, _patting_ the boy on the head as he spat out each word.

Young Link fell over, drool began oozing out of his mouth, and his eyes became crossed.

"Great, you just gave him brain damage. Now who's going to save Hyrule?!" Navi yelled.

"I will, then Saria will love me!" Mido volunteered.


	91. NPCs

**This is what NPCs should've said in these situations...**

In Kokiri Forest.

Young Link jumped form platform to platform across the water until he landed in front of the Kokiri Forest Shop. He looked up and saw one of the Kokiri girls sitting on the piece of roof that covered the entrance to the store.

"Oh, please help me get down from here!" she screamed frantically.

**I've always wondered how she got up there...**

In the Forbidden Fortress.

WW Link looked upward, fear piercing him in his heart. He cursed himself since he had been so close to his sister Aryll, but as the Helmaroc King swooped down and clutched the hero between his beak. The colossus flew out of the spiral tower and rose torward his master's peak.

WW Link stared in horror as the man's lips formed a demonic smile.

"Snap his neck," WW Ganondorf growled.

The Helmaroc King gladly complied with the wishes of his master, and crushed WW Link between his beak and threw him out into the horizon.

**Seriously, I was screaming 'Just have the bird kill him, Ganondorf!' But like most villians, he lets the opportunity of killing the main hero slip through his fingers. **

In Ordon Village.

**By the way, I can't remember what exactly ilia said, so I'm just gonna make it up...**

"Link! You've been pushing Epona too hard again on those jumps! How dare you treat your horse that way!" Ilia scolded.

TP Link flinched and hung his head.

"I'm taking her to the spring so she can get better," Ilia decided, taking Epona by the reinsand leading her away.

Bo stepped in Ilia's way wearing an expression that seemed deadly. "Young lady, Epona is Link's property, and how hard he pushes her is his problem to take care of! Link has an important job to do, and you cannot get in the way of it! Now you give Link back his mare and get back into the house!"

**If Mayor Bo was an actual father, this would've happened instead.**

On Outset Island.

After Quill had explained how Aryll being kidnapped was Tetra's fault and how the pirates should let Link sail with them, Tetra stood there with her arms folded across her chest while she thought about the current situation.

"Well, here's what _I_ think: I am the captain of a band of pirates so I don't give a crap if its my fault. It's Link's problem, and not mine. So bye!" Tetra replied.

She and the other pirates boarded their mighty ship and sailed off as WW Link and Quill stared at them in total shock.

**If WW Tetra was a real pirate she wouldn't feel one bit of guilt for causing the kidnapping of WW Link's sister.**

Outset Island.

"Big brother!" Aryl shouted at the top of her lungs as she crossed the beach and headed for her watch tower. She inhaled sharply and bellowed out once more but no reply came.

Aryl sighed and climbed the tower's long ladder while she took out her telescope and spotted WW Link snoozing on the wooden floor. Aryl climbed up and yelled again, "Big brother!"

WW Link stumbled onto his feet while rubbing his tired eyes. He stared at his sister and let out a vicious yawn.

"Brother, it's your birthday! Don't you remember at all?" Aryll exclaimed.

The boy made no reply as his shoulders hung and his eyelids drooped heavily.

"Did I mention you look buzzed, bro?" Aryll pointed out.

**And that's it for now! Perhaps I'll make up more later.**


	92. WWYD

What Would Midna Do?

"I would beat it, mug it, then feed it to It," the Twili replied, nodding her head down to her pet fangirl.

"Johnny Depp!" It squeeled happily.

"Uh, what is she talking about?" Quin asked.

"It's way of talking is spouting out the names of guys she likes to drool over," Midna answered.

"Robert Pattinson!" It shouted, barely hopping above the ground.

"No, bad It! And just for that, no more watching 'The Bachelor'!" Midna screamed, kicking the fangirl who began cowering.

What Would TP Link Do?

"I would smother it in grape jelly and then lick it off!" TP Link answered immediately.

Quin began putting a gun to her head while Ilia, OoT Malon, OoT Zelda, and TP Zelda were giggling in the background.

What Would Dark Link Do?

"I would sing Linkin Park music," Dark Link said.

"Y'know, I get the feeling that Dark Link doesn't mean what he says when he talks about how lonely he is," Vaati murmured.

"Why do you say that?" Midna asked.

_Earlier in Dark Link's room..._

"If you ever tell anyone about this you're dead!" Dark Link snarled, holding Vaati up by the collar.

The bedroom was posters that have encouraging phrases, smiley face stickers, and 'Dragostea Din Tei' by O-Zone was playing in the background.

_~Flasback over~_

"No reason!" Vaati suddenly said, running out of the room.

What Would SP Link Do?

"I would never wear that stupid, train outfit ever again!!!" He shouted at the top of his lungs.

"But it looks so cute on you!" SP Zelda's Spirit said.

SP Link emptied out a bottle, red potion seeping into the cracks of the floor, trapped the spirit inside the glass container, and threw it into the ocean.

"Pfft, that's the best thing you could think of? Throw it into the ocean?" Midna scoffed, her arms folded across her chest.

"Well, what would you have done?"

"Hello! She's a spirit who possesses suits of armor and is _still_ afraid of rats! Put two and two together," Midna said.

SP Link slapped his hand to his face, whispering, "Crap."

What Would TP Zelda Do?

"I would totally put make-up on and go watch the Disney Channel!" she answered.

"Hey, guess what," Midna said.

"What?"

"Hannah Montana is on its final seasn."

"But...why?!" TP Zelda exclaimed, horrified.

"BECAUSE I KILLED MILEY CYRUS!!!!" Midna yelled.

_At the hospital..._

"Well, she's in a coma...for some...reason...." a random doctor at the ER explained.

"I love my life," Midna said.

"I love my girlfriend," Vaati sighed happily.

"I love all of my game systems!" Quin shouted joyfully.

"I love life," Dark Link murmured.

Everyone's mouth jaw dropped, except Vaati's, while staring wide-eyed at the dark version of OoT Link.

"Uhh... Oh, look! A flying penguin!" Dark Link screamed, pointing outside.

"Oh, my gosh! I KNEW IT WAS POSSIBLE!" TP Link yelled, running out into the parking lot. "SCREW ANIMAL PLANET AND THEIR LIES!"

What Would Quintaso Do?

"I would drink Mountain Dew, play video games, read manga, watch anime, listen ot my music, write, hang out with my friends, roleplay," the Author said, counting them off of her fingers. "Work at Game Stop, own a library and keep all of the books for myself, go to Japan..."

"Good Nayru, that's enough!" WW Link said.

Quintaso eyed him angrily. A huge grin spread across her face when she saw a pair of tweezers on the kitchen counter.

WW Link immediately ran out of the house when remembering the previous threat.

**W****hat ****W****ould ****Y****ou ****D****o?!**

**By the way, I'll probably only be able to update on certain weekends because of school.**


	93. The Sitcom

**What if 'Zelda Mini Madness' was a sitcom?**

_Zelda Mini Madness! Sponsored by Midna Mart, where all your bloodcurdling nightmares will come to life!_

"I've told you a thousand times, Midna, I don't want you staying out all night with your purple boyfriend!" Quin said, climbing down the stairs with the Twilight Princess followed her.

"But that's now what I asked you," Midna exclaimed.

"Oh. What did you ask?"

"If I could stay out all night and go commit several mass murders while misleading detectives," the Twili explained.

"Oh, well, that's okay then," Quin answered.

Minda squealed with delight and ran out the front door.

TP Link walked into the living from the sliding glass door.

_Audience screams with joy and begins to clap._

TP Link suddenly stopped in his tracks and a look of horror formed on his face. "Oh no... THE VOICES ARE BACK! AHHHHHHH!" he shrieked, turning around and running right into the glass door. TP Link collapsed on the floor, knocked out cold.

Quin stood there with a smirk. "I never thought I'd get to make that joke."

OoT Zelda stomped her way down the stairs with tears in her eyes, a tired expression, and a pregnancy test in one hand. "I'm-"

"Pregnant. It's obvious," the Author finished for her. "And instead of you spending an entire season of trying to decide wether to keep it, how about you just say you're going to, like everyone else does, and marry the guy who knocked you up? It saves me a lot of time."

The camera zooms in on TP Zelda and then the screen go black.

**It's supposed to be a cliffhanger moment. Y'know, one of those 'cliffhangers' where you can see the result within fifty feet.**

_Zelda Mini Madness will be back after these messages..._

"This cereal has seventy-two percent fiber that is required in your daily diet!" Midna said, holding a plain white box.

"But it desn't say that on the box. So, how do you know?" Dark Link questioned.

"BECAUSE I SAID SO, THAT'S HOW!" Midna yelled.

Sides effects include projectile vomiting, hallucinations, extra appendages, night terrors and sweating blood.

"And now you can get even _more_ nutrition in your breakfast with the 'Blood of Fangirls' and now in strawberry flavor!" Midna exclaimed, holding up a clear jug with thick, red liquid.

Dark Link slowly side-stepped his way off stage.

_Because Midna quit Zelda Mini Madness to star in 'C.S.I.' we replaced her with a manequin._

"Well, it looks like Midna killed another group of elders at the homes," Quin sighed, as the news flashed across the television screen.

Everyone in the living room turned their eyes to 'Midna' who had been placed on the sofa. The manequin had been painted pale blue and the eyes had angry eyebrows sketched across the forehead.

"I hate fangirls," a scratchy, hard to hear recording played that had been set inside the manequin's head.

"Does Midna seem a little different?" WW Ganondorf asked.

"I demand death!" the manequin shrieked.

"No, not really," Dark Link replied.


	94. The Voices

"OH, MY GOSH! I _knew_ it!" TP Link shouted, entering the living room from the staircase. "The voices weren't coming from my head, it was my sword all along!"

**Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword**


	95. Lord JabuJabu's Belly

**Things that should've happened in Lord Jabu-Jabu's belly...**

"I don't need your help!" Ruto declared, walking away from Link then fell into the disguised hole while screaming.

Link winced when he heard several cracks.

"OH GOD! I THINK I BROKE MY LEGS!" the Princess shrieked.

"There it is! My precious stone!" Princess Ruto exclaimed, struggling above Link's head. "Throw me onto the platform!"

Link sighed and tossed her onto it, only Ruto landed face first...

"AHHH! What is this thing? On octopus?" Princess Ruto shouted. "Ah! Don't come near me! NOOOO!"

Link's eyes went wide when he heard an extremely loud _gulp_.


	96. Wandering Scarecrow

Dark Link hopped into the shower and turned on the hot water when suddenly a scarecrow emerged from the drain. "OOT LINK!" he yelled.

"So, you finally figured out how the Scarecrow Song works, huh?" Midna asked.

"It took forever, but the effort was worth it!" he replied.

"Yeah, but _I_ did most of the work!" Young Link declared.


	97. Ocarina of Time

The Author ran into the living room, her face lit up with a huge smile. She pushed a copy of Ocarina of Time into her Nintendo 64 and began to unwrap a controller.

"Sweet! You're finally gonna play with us!" OoT Link exclaimed as Young Link's face brightened.

Quin's face turned to horror as she dropped the 64 controller. "I have suddenly lost my interest."

"Oh, get your mind out of the gutter you sicko!" TP Ganondorf scowled.

"Jeez, OoT Zelda, the dress you wore as a kid actually made you look like you had breasts," the Author pointed out.

OoT Zelda squirmed in her seat, fuming angrily while Midna laughed.

"Dangit! Stupid Redead," Quin muttered, mashing the buttons on her 64 controller as a Redead grabbed onto OoT Link and began..._strangling_ him.

"I feel...violated," OoT Link murmured.

"Ha! You now face me, Dark Link, in the Water Temple. I am known as one of the hardest Ocarina of Time mini bosses! What're you gonna do now, sucka?" Dark Link shouted happily.

Quin began using Din's Fire and Dark Link was soon defeated.

"Oh..."

"I've finally gotten you that last Poe from Hyrule Field," OoT Link said, handing the Poe Master a bottle that contained the soul. "So what do I get? A heart piece? A new item? 500 rupees?" he asked, getting increasingly excited.

The Poe Master pocketed the Poe's soul and reached into a different pocket. "Nope! Another bottle!"

OoT Link proceeded to beat the person within an inche of his life.

**I'm glad those who read this enjoy it, and hopefully it makes you chuckle and gives you something to smile at. If my drawing didn't suck, I would make a webcomic, but I can't. So there.**


	98. More What Ifs

What if...?

**Ocarina of Time**

"Okay Link, this is the plan. You gain access to Gerudo Desert and throw the Ocarina of Time into the River of Sand so that Ganondorf can never get into the Sacred Realm, because just opening the Door of Time and letting him walts right in would be stupid, right?" (Young) Zelda said.

Link gave her a thumbs up.

"Oh no, Link! He does everything you do! You'll have to come up with something clever to destory him," Navi said, glaring at Dark Link.

Link stood there, thinking, then his face lit up as he formed an idea. He took his sword and shoved it into his own gut, immediately falling over, dead, with Dark Link mirroring his actions.

"You're an idiot," the fairy sighed.

"Oh, Link, the curse has taken me, even with your courageous efforts. I guess I would still be alive if I didn't waste so much time talking to Navi when the game first began," the Great Deku Tree said.

Link smacked his own face while Navi groaned.

"CUCCO!"

"What in tarnation?"

_Later_

"CUCCO!"

"What in tarnation?"

_Much later..._

"What did you say?"

"I said I want to marry your daughter!" (Adult) Link shouted.

"What?" Talon yelled.

"I WANT TO MARRY MALON!"

"I can't hear ya! All of those cucco's that woke me up made me go deaf!" Talon explained.

Link groaned.

"You will find the sages in many different places. One in a deep forest, one in a mountain, one in a vast lake, one in the desert, and ONE IN THE HOUSE OF THE DEAD! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Shiek screeched.

Link's eyes went wide and he took a step back.

**Sorry, I've been playing a lot of OoT ever since my sis let me borrow a copy of the game.**


	99. Reminiscence

During a sunny Friday afternoon two figures were strolling down the low-middle class streets where mostly trailer houses and a few rare two-story homes stood. Many of the properties they passed had children playing baseball, adults lounging on the front porches drinking bottled beer, and dogs running around the yard. The two figures finally stood in the driveway of a two-story home that was painted white with bule trimmings.

"It's been a while since we've been here, huh?"

"No kidding; I hardly recognize the place." The home was, in fact, not in the condition it was in two years ago. The yard was overgrown with grass and weeds, the fences painting was peeling off from the weather, and the front gate was barely being held up by its hinges.

Vaati smiled sadly. "She probably doesn't even live here anymore."

"I don't doubt it," Ganondorf replied. "It seems like nobody has time for anything these days, or they always feel like time is escaping them."

The two villians walked around the home and into the backyard, where they saw a large pile of dirt near the swimming pool with some creature protruding from the earth.

"What is that?" Vaati pondered, stepping closer. "Oh god!" As he stood nearer he could make out the remains of a small dinosaur with its snout, tail, and the spikes along its back the only parts not covered by dirt. "Wasn't that the dodongo she owned?"

"Rocky? It looks like he died and she tried burying him but gave up a third of the way through," Ganondorf replied, letting out a small chuckle. "I'm surprised the corpse hasn't stunk up the entire neighborhood. Hey, out of curiousity, what ever happened to you and Midna?"

"She's a lesbian."

Ganondorf was shocked by this answer. "Wh-what?"

"Yeah, she said I looked so feminine and that's why she dated me in the first place. So about four months ago she just decided she might as well date an actual woman."

"Who-"

"She hooked up with a Gerudo."

"Ouch. I'm sorry, Vaati."

"Eh, it's ok. I actually moved on and started dating Saria," Vaati said. "The only probably was Mido isn't taking it well."

"I'm sure."

"So he decided to try out men."

Ganondorf was, again, almost speechless.

"Well, I suppose I should head out. It was nice seeing you again." Vaati soon teleported away, leaving the King of Gerudos to his own thoughts.

**Finally, a proper ending. Sorry if you find the 'homosexual' jokes distasteful, but I don't mean to poke fun of people and the way they choose to live their lives. Anyways, I am considering making a new humor series based around Legend of Zelda, but don't get your hopes up.**


End file.
